LMHC

Licensed Mental Health Counselor

How Young Is Too Young For Students To Discuss Sexual Orientation

istock_000009080325large-gay-pride-2009-news1Here in central Florida there has been an ongoing debate about how young is too young for students to discuss sexual orientation at school, especially when that orientation is different than the perceived norm.

Bayli Silberstein, a student leader at Carver Middle School in Leesburg, Florida wants to create a gay-straight alliance (GSA) at her school to combat ongoing bullying. “The bullying at our school has gotten out of hand, and somebody needs to do something about it,” stated Bayli.

While to me this sounds like something positive and something that should have been supported, the principal immediately shot it down and county administration put up a resistance so tough that they threatened to disband all groups if they had to in order to keep the GSA from being allowed to form.

They are taking so long to deliberate on allowing the GSA to form, while groups such as the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, an explicitly Christian organization, has been supported for years.

The fact that the administrative body is taking so long to deliberate on letting the GSA form, to me is even further evidence that groups like the GSA are needed. If the kids who are in need of support don’t feel supported by the very administration that is supposed to support and protect them, how are they supposed to feel supported and protected among their own student body?

Under the Equal Access Act, schools can not pick and choose which groups to allow to form on campus based on what they think students should and should not discuss:

 “schools may not pick and choose among clubs based on what they think students should or should not discuss. If a public school allows any student group whose purpose is not directly related to the school’s curriculum to meet on school grounds during lunch or before or after school, then it cannot deny other student groups the same access to the school because of the content of their proposed discussions. The Act specifically provides that a school cannot deny equal access to student clubs because of the ‘religious, political, philosophical, or other content of the speech at such meetings.’” 

GSAs are student organizations that are made up of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender students and their straight allies. The groups purpose is to advocate against bullying, discrimination and harassment.

Theyare made up of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) students, along with straight supporters, who advocate for putting an end to bullying, harassment, and discrimination against LGBT and other students.

According to a  2009 survey by the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education network,  “84.6 percent of LGBT students reported being verbally harassed, 40.1 percent reported being physically harassed and 18.8 percent reported being physically assaulted at school in the past year because of their sexual orientation.”

A lot of the bullying that goes on against LGBT students have Christian beliefs and teachings at it’s source and Christian groups are almost always very supported on school campuses.

Here in Florida, the ACLU has been successful numerous times over the years in helping students form GSAs on school campuses.

For example, in 2008 in Okeechobee, Florida,  a  judge ruled that schools must provide for the well-being of gay students and cannot discriminate against the GSA. The ACLU of Florida also succeeded in helping students at Booker T. Washington High School form a GSA after initial efforts were fought against by the administration.

At the high school I work at there is no GSA or LGBT clubs and it’s not because administration hasn’t allowed it, but because students haven’t attempted to form one. I think this is largely because sexual orientation is not discussed, yet admittedly, it appears to be pretty accepted on campus. Many of the LGBT students I talk to are “out” and have never told me they felt uncomfortable or bullied on campus.

While working on this post, I spoke with a 15 year old, openly gay student who says he knew he was gay in elementary school, but only really knew in middle school. He personally thought that having a GSA in middle school was too soon because he thought too many people were still unsure of their sexuality, but he also admitted that having a GSA in his middle school would have helped him with issues such as bullying and coming out to his family.

On other school campuses and in middle school in particular, being a LGBT student is likely much more difficult for several reasons.

Often times, school administration and school board members are not comfortable with the thought of students discussing sexual orientation. They are also often uncomfortable with discussing acceptance and respect for students of different orientations.

However, discussing topics that are uncomfortable, out in the open, is how change gets started, not by censoring students to avoid discomfort. That’s how the culture of secrecy and bullying is allowed to flourish.

7 Comments

  1. I don’t think they are ever too young to teach. As long as parents teach according to their ages

    • Good point. Too many adults are in denial, which is why surprisingly, even basic topics like the “sex talk” rarely happens these days, at least in the school I work at. Parents like to pretend as though THEIR teen is asexual.

  2. What well-meaning school boards and parents often seem to forget is the kids are going to go ahead and talk about sex, sexuality, and gender expression anyway. They will also tell each other a lot of incorrect things (and the bullying issue can’t be ignored, either); so, really, it’s to everyone’s benefit to have the conversation going on in the safe space of a classroom where kids can get accurate information.

    • Hi, thanks for reading and responding. You are right. A lot of the sexual education and miseducation that goes on today happens between kids. Parents like to think that if we ignore it, it’s not happening, which is clearly not the case. I remember talking to one parent who told me all the time how proud she was that her daughter was a virgin, but I knew her daughter was extremely promiscuous. As a counselor, I had to keep the daughters confidentiality, but her behavior was anything but virgin like, yet her mom refused to see it until her daughter got caught having sex with a boy in a school bathroom. Then of course the mother blamed the school, but her daughter had been sleeping around with boys right under her noes for years and is now pregnant.

      • Ignoring it or pretending like “my kid couldn’t possibly …” is silly, especially in the digital era, when kids can find anything they want on the internet. Parental controls don’t keep them from accessing things. Kids often circumvent the “parental controls” or use someone else’s devices. I’d rather make sure they get factual information in the first place and also understand that they have adults in their lives they can go to with questions or concerns.

  3. An excellent post. I have a middle-school aged son who tells met that most kids are fully aware of their sexual orientation in middle school. I think the discussion needs to begin in middle schools because that is when adolescence begins and children begin to discover the opposite sex (gay or straight). I think the goal of the GSA and LGBT clubs is to give kids a safe-haven where they are accepted, feel like part of a group and can be honest and open. There is so much to be gained from having organizations like this in middles schools. Tolerance and education is such a priority for acceptance. If children grow up knowing gays and lesbians in their life openly then they will grow up without judgement of a lifestyle that is different than their own.

    • You are exactly right. I spoke with a 15 year old boy as I wrote this post who is openly gay. He says he knew he was gay before middle school, but only really accepted it in middle school. He thought that having a GSA in middle school was too early because many people are still confused about their sexuality, but he admitted having a GSA would have been helpful to him when it came to dealing with bullies and coming out to his family.

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