Last week I was talking to a friend who said she was taking a hiatus from social media. At first this surprised me because she has such a strong social media presence, but then she explained to me her reasons.
On social media she is seeing many of her friends moving forward in their careers, getting married, having children and living these apparently wonderful lives, while she herself feels rather stuck in comparison. She herself, in my opinion is doing pretty good. She’s in a relationship, is employed and is an overall well rounded person. However, when she compares her life to the lives she sees her friends leaving on social media, she has this feeling of inadequacy.
This feeling of inadequacy and maybe even a bit of sadness she is experiencing is something very common when it comes to social media. It’s even been given the name, “Facebook depression”.
Social media encourages us to share more and more of our lives and become less private, creating what is called context collapse.
We all have different sides of ourselves. We may act one way at work, another at home, and yet another when we are out with our closest friends or having a night out on the town.
On social media sites like Facebook, we have what is called context collapse, which is when all of our different sides actually come together. However, we know that some people have gotten fired when one part of their life collided with or conflicted with another part of their life (i.e., your boss finding out something you do in your free time goes against their ethical policy). I even know someone who lost her job because the day she called into work, it was discovered on Facebook that she was actually at the beach with her lover.
Because of this context collapse, people tend to present themselves on social media in ways that are acceptable in all contexts (i.e., work, friends, family). Because the social norm is to be your perfect self, we all tend to present our version of our perfect selves on social media, which in turn leads to us all making each other feel inadequate and sometimes even depressed with our real lives. We start having “the grass is greener on the other side” syndrome.
We constantly see people in disgustingly happy relationships, out having fun, getting married, having kids, getting raises, going on dream vacations, etc. We start thinking that their lives are always exciting, awesome and perfect. We start thinking we are missing out on something in comparison.
It’s this social comparison of our everyday lives with our friends highlight moments that can create jealousy and depression in some people. We create a distorted view of their lives where they are always beautiful, happy and succeeding while we in comparison are going through the ups and downs of normal life.
We see people in relationships always smiling and traveling and we assume that they have no problems, never fight and are the luckiest two people on earth, when in reality they are likely experiencing the same highs and lows, trials and tribulations of a normal relationship. We romanticize their lives and relationships in comparison to our own.
Of course not everyone is impacted the same way. Some of us don’t care much about what our friends do in their real lives or own social media. Others of us are happy to see our friends doing great, but there are some of us who are more susceptible to “Facebook depression” such as those who are already struggling with depression or anxiety.
It’s especially important if you are prone to depression to be aware of how spending too much time on social media comparing yourself to your friends and others can potentially increase your risk for depression. If that’s the case, remember to put everything into perspective and remember that what we often see on social media are the highlights of people lives. People don’t often post the negative, boring or difficult part of their lives.
I’ve seen couples who looked to be incredibly happily married, divorced seemingly out of the blue just a month later. Of course that tells me that even when they were posting about how fantastic their marriage was, they were going through problems they were not sharing online.
If you find yourself feeling depressed, jealous or unhappy when looking at other people’s lives on social media, then it may be time for you to take a hiatus for awhile. Social media is meant to bring us closer but often it just makes us feel more separated from each other. Take a break if needed. Go outside, be in the moment and enjoy YOUR life. Stop comparing your everyday life to people highlight moments and go create your own.
Remember as Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Licensed Mental Health Counselor 