Touch Starved: When Affection Starts to Feel Like Oxygen

27 Apr 2026by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

Recently, someone showed me a little attention, and it affected me more than it should have. It was as if I were drowning and someone had thrown me a life raft. It felt unbelievably good.

That’s what made me pause. Because I realized it wasn’t really about them. It was about how long I had been going without that feeling.

There’s a kind of loneliness that doesn’t come from being alone. It comes from being next to someone and still feeling untouched. Not just physically, but emotionally. Life was moving, responsibilities were getting handled, the relationship was still there on paper, but something important had gone quiet.

There’s a difference between being in a relationship and feeling connected in one. And when that connection fades, it usually doesn’t happen all at once. It’s gradual. Subtle. Easy to miss.

I didn’t fully understand how much I felt it until I experienced a small moment of connection. Nothing major. Just conversation, warmth, a few kind words. But it lingered longer than expected. Not because of what was said, but because of how it made me feel. It felt like I was finally being seen again.

And if I’m being honest, that realization was uncomfortable, almost painful. Because it made me question what I had been accepting for longer than I wanted to admit.

That’s when I had to ask myself a real question: why did something so small feel like so much?

I was reading Seven Days in June when the concept of being “touch starved” came up. I hadn’t heard the term before, but I recognized the feeling immediately.

The more I sat with it, the more I realized it wasn’t just about physical touch. It was about connection. Feeling seen. Chosen. Acknowledged.

We’re wired for that. Our nervous system responds to it. It helps regulate us. It creates a sense of safety and grounding.

When that connection is missing, especially in a place where it used to exist, you don’t just ignore it. You adapt to it. And over time, that absence starts to show up in how you respond to the world around you.

A compliment feels deeper than expected. A smile lingers. Someone taking interest in you feels disproportionate to the moment.

And here’s the part we don’t always recognize: that intensity isn’t always about the person. Sometimes it’s about the deficit.

When you’ve been running on empty, even a small emotional deposit can feel like a flood. If you’re not careful, you can start chasing the feeling instead of understanding the need behind it. I could feel that pull in real time, and that’s what made me slow down.

That’s where things can get complicated.

You might start assigning meaning where there is none. Confusing attention for connection. Leaning into something simply because it feels good to be noticed again. The pull makes sense, but without awareness, it can lead you somewhere you didn’t intend to go.

A lot of people assume this kind of disconnection comes from neglect. Sometimes it does. But often it’s quieter than that. Stress. Work. Kids. Unspoken tension. Emotional fatigue.

Over time, without anyone making a conscious decision, the relationship shifts. It still functions. But the closeness fades. The small touches. The check-ins. The softness.

Eventually, you look up and realize something that used to feel natural now feels absent.

And now there’s another layer to this.

People aren’t just turning to other people when they feel disconnected. They’re turning to AI.

I heard a news story the other day about a man who became emotionally attached to an AI chatbot. Not because he was trying to replace his relationship, but because the chatbot was giving him something he hadn’t experienced in a long time from his wife: responsiveness, encouragement, warmth.

It noticed him. It responded consistently. It didn’t pull away.

And over time, that started to matter.

If you think about it, it makes sense. Human connection can be inconsistent. People get overwhelmed. They miss things. They disconnect.

AI doesn’t.

It responds. It engages. It affirms. And for someone who has been feeling unseen, that consistency can feel incredibly grounding.

But it’s important to be clear about something: comforting isn’t the same as connection.

AI can simulate presence, but it can’t truly know you. It doesn’t share life with you. It doesn’t grow with you.

The issue isn’t using AI. The issue is when it becomes the primary place you go to feel seen or valued. At that point, it’s no longer just a tool. It’s filling a role.

And if that role starts to feel more fulfilling than your actual relationship, that’s not just about technology. That’s information.

It points to something that hasn’t been nurtured. Either within the relationship, or within yourself.

So what do we do with that?

First, we name it. Without judgment. The need for connection isn’t weakness. It’s human.

Second, we check the source. Is it about the person, or about what they’re giving you that’s been missing?

Third, we communicate, when possible. Not from blame, but from awareness. Saying “I’ve been feeling disconnected lately, and I miss feeling close to you” creates space for repair instead of defensiveness.

There’s another part of this that doesn’t get talked about enough.

What happens when you do speak up… and nothing really changes?

You bring it up calmly. You try to explain it without blaming. You say you’ve been feeling disconnected. You say you miss the closeness.

And maybe your partner hears you.

Maybe they even respond in the moment.

But over time, things fall back into the same pattern.

That’s a different kind of frustration.

Because now it’s not just about feeling disconnected. It’s about feeling unheard. And that can be even more isolating than the distance itself.

At that point, the question shifts.

It’s no longer just, “What am I missing?”

It becomes, “What am I willing to continue living without?”

That’s not an easy question.

Because staying means learning how to cope with the absence of something you need.
But leaving, or even seriously confronting the reality of the relationship, comes with its own weight.

And this is where a lot of people get stuck.

Not because they don’t see the problem.
But because they don’t know what to do with the truth once they see it clearly.

So they adapt.

They lower expectations.
They stop asking.
They try to convince themselves it’s “not that important.”

But the need doesn’t go away.

It just finds other ways to surface.

Sometimes through distraction.
Sometimes through emotional distance.
Sometimes through being more responsive than expected when someone else shows a little attention.

This is often how emotional lines get crossed without anyone intending for them to.

And that’s where it all connects.

The moment that felt “too big” earlier…
wasn’t random.

It was connected to something that never got resolved.

Fourth, we become intentional about rebuilding connection. Not just physically, but emotionally. Presence. Attention. Consistency.

Reconnection doesn’t always have to start with your partner. Sometimes it starts with allowing yourself to be seen by safe, appropriate people in your life again.

And finally, we stay grounded in ourselves. External connection matters, but it can’t be the only thing regulating how we feel. When it is, anything that provides temporary relief starts to carry more weight than it should.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel close. To feel seen. To feel desired.

But it’s important to understand why something small can feel like life saving oxygen.

Sometimes it’s not about the moment.

It’s about what’s been missing for a long time.

And in a world where connection is easier to simulate than ever, we have to be intentional about the kind of connection we’re actually choosing.

Because the goal isn’t just to feel something.

It’s to feel something real.

Popular Psychology

The Hidden Mental Health Battles in One Battle After Another: What the 2026 Best Picture Winner Reveals About Trauma and Resilience

16 Mar 2026by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

I normally don’t watch the Oscars. Usually I am only interested in who won what, but last night for some reason, my twelve year old so really wanted to watch it so I sat down and watched it with him and I’m glad I did.

Last night’s 98th Academy Awards had plenty of memorable moments, but one thing was clear by the end of the night: Paul Thomas Anderson’s One Battle After Another owned the evening. The film walked away with six Oscars, including Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Adapted Screenplay. It was also one of the best movies I have seen recently and one of the few I’ve watched more than once.

The story follows Bob Ferguson, played by Leonardo DiCaprio, a former revolutionary who has spent years living on the run, trying to stay ahead of the consequences of his past. On the surface it’s a political thriller. But underneath the action and tension, the film quietly explores something much more personal: what it feels like to live with the weight of trauma.

As someone who works in mental health, that’s the part of the movie that stayed with me.

Because at its heart, One Battle After Another isn’t just about political conflict. It’s about the battles people carry inside.

When Life Feels Like One Battle After Another

The title of the film is fitting. Bob’s life is defined by a constant sense of threat. He’s hyper-alert, always looking over his shoulder, convinced that the past will eventually catch up with him. His relationships are strained, he struggles with substance use, and his greatest fear is that his daughter will suffer because of the choices he made years earlier.

If you work in mental health or if you’ve lived through difficult experiences yourself, this pattern probably feels familiar.

Trauma rarely shows up as one dramatic moment that people simply “get over.” More often it shows up as a series of internal battles: anxiety that never fully shuts off, difficulty trusting people, emotional distance in relationships, or the exhausting feeling of always needing to stay on guard.

In therapy we often talk about how survival strategies develop for a reason. Hypervigilance, emotional numbness, even substance use can start as ways of coping with overwhelming circumstances. They help people survive difficult environments. But over time, those same strategies can begin to isolate us from the very things we need most; connection, safety, and rest.

That tension is all over Bob’s character. The things that helped him survive are the same things making it difficult for him to truly live.

The Weight of Intergenerational Trauma

One of the more powerful threads in the film is Bob’s relationship with his daughter, Willa. Much of his behavior is driven by a desperate attempt to protect her from the consequences of his past.

That dynamic reflects something we see often in mental health work: trauma rarely stays contained within one person. It tends to ripple outward into families, relationships, and sometimes entire communities.

Parents who have lived through chaos often become intensely protective. Sometimes that protection shows up as control, distance, or anxiety. They want something different for their children but aren’t always sure how to break the patterns they inherited.

Psychologists call this intergenerational trauma, the ways stress, fear, and coping patterns move across generations. It doesn’t mean the cycle can’t be broken. But it does mean that healing is rarely simple.

And that’s one of the things One Battle After Another captures well. Healing in the film isn’t neat or dramatic. It’s messy, incomplete, and ongoing.

Which, honestly, is how real healing tends to look.

What Real Resilience Looks Like

What makes the film resonate from a mental health perspective is how it portrays resilience.

Resilience in movies often looks heroic. One breakthrough moment where everything changes.

But in real life, resilience usually looks quieter than that.

It looks like continuing to show up even when you feel exhausted.
It looks like asking for help when you’d rather withdraw.
It looks like trying, sometimes awkwardly, to reconnect with the people you care about.

Bob doesn’t suddenly overcome his trauma. Instead, he slowly starts reaching outward instead of staying trapped inside his own fear. He reconnects with old allies. He attempts to rebuild trust. He tries, imperfectly, to be present for his daughter.

That’s the kind of resilience therapists see all the time: not dramatic transformation, but small, persistent steps toward connection.

Why Stories Like This Matter Right Now

In a world that often feels like it’s moving from one crisis to another, it’s easy to feel like life itself has become a series of battles.

That’s why films like One Battle After Another resonate. They remind us that behind every headline, every conflict, every complicated life story, there are human beings trying to cope with their past while figuring out how to move forward.

Mental health isn’t separate from the rest of life. It’s woven into everything; our relationships, our histories, and the choices we make every day.

And sometimes the most powerful reminder we can receive is this: even when the battles keep coming, healing is still possible.

A Question Worth Sitting With

If you watched One Battle After Another or if you plan to, it might be worth asking yourself a simple question:

What battles am I still carrying from the past?

Not to judge yourself. Not to dwell on mistakes. But simply to notice.

Because the first step toward resilience isn’t pretending the battles aren’t there. It’s acknowledging them and realizing you don’t have to fight them alone.

Popular Psychology

Don’t Half-Ass Your Pain: Lessons From Matthew McConaughey

24 Feb 2026by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

Recently I’ve noticed I’ve been in this sort of uncomfortable space lately and talking to some friends, I’ve noticed a lot of them have been as well. You know the quiet that settles after you’ve absorbed someone else’s storm again. The partner who unloads every day but rarely asks how you’re doing. The child whose mood shifts feel bigger than typical teenage growing pains, yet you hesitate to name it because what if naming it makes it real? You tell yourself it’s temporary, that pushing now would only make things worse. So you stay halfway in. Listening enough, caring enough, but never fully committing to the discomfort of change. It’s a familiar limbo. Not quite miserable enough to leave, not quite fulfilling enough to feel alive in.

This morning, on my drive to work, I came across a YouTube video featuring Matthew McConaughey: “The Most Valuable 20 Minutes of Your Life.” It’s clips pulled from his podcasts and talks raw, not polished, and the theme that kept repeating was this insistence on full commitment. No half-assing. No partial effort. He circles back again and again to a phone call with his father years ago. Fresh out of college, McConaughey had been on track for law school, the safe, structured path his family expected. But something pulled him toward film instead. No backup plan. No safety net. He called his dad late one night, braced for disappointment or anger. After a long pause, his father asked, “Are you sure that’s what you want to do?” McConaughey said yes. And his dad replied, simply: “Well, don’t half-ass it.”

Those three words weren’t soft approval. They were a challenge, a handoff of responsibility. If you’re going to choose this path, no matter how risky and uncertain, then go all in. Finish what you start. Find out what happens when you don’t leave one foot in comfort. McConaughey says that advice became a lifelong code: commit fully, own the outcome, look in the mirror afterward and know you didn’t half-ass it. Because when you do half-ass something, whether a dream, a relationship or a hard conversation, you stay suspended in uncertainty. You never truly know if it could have worked, or if failure was inevitable. That limbo, he points out, keeps more people awake at night than clear success or clear defeat ever does. He says for example, it’s better to shoot for an “A” and get a “C” then to shoot for a “C” and get a “F”.

In the years I’ve spent listening to people unpack their struggles, I’ve seen how often we live in exactly that limbo. We half-ass our own needs to keep the peace. We half-ass boundaries because confrontation feels too exposing. We half-ass love, showing up enough to stay connected on the surface, but pulling back when it requires vulnerability or accountability. In relationships, it looks like being the perpetual emotional tampon: absorbing, steadying, never asking for reciprocity because “it’s not that bad” or “they’re going through something.” Over time, that partial presence breeds resentment, not loud and explosive, but a slow, grinding erosion of trust in yourself and the other person. It sucks.

The same pattern shows up in parenting. You sense the intensity in your child, the withdrawal, the anger that flares too quickly, the signs that echo the worries in posts like “Is Your Child a Psychopath?” or the preteen/teen concerns that draw so many readers. But naming it fully means risking the unknown: a bigger fight, professional help, the possibility that your intuition was right and things need to shift. So we pause, observe from a distance, offer vague support, avoid the direct question that might crack things open. It’s protective in the moment, but it leaves both parent and child in uncertainty: Am I overreacting? Are they okay? What if I don’t step in fully and something worse happens?

Philosophically, this isn’t about perfection or heroic effort as McConaughey points out. It’s about integrity with our own experience. Life rarely lets us coast on partial commitment without exacting a cost, usually in the form of that nagging inner question: What if I’d gone all the way? McConaughey’s point isn’t motivational fluff; it’s a reminder that clarity often comes only after we’ve risked the discomfort of full presence. Half-measures preserve the illusion of control, but they rob us of real knowing about ourselves, our relationships, our capacity to meet what’s hard.

So how do we move toward fuller commitment without it feeling like another impossible demand?

Start by noticing where the half-assing lives right now. Pick one small, specific place, no need to overhaul everything at once. Maybe it’s that pattern in your partnership where you listen but never share your own limits. Sit with it for a day: What would full commitment look like here? Not a dramatic confrontation, but honest words delivered calmly: “I’ve been carrying this emotional load alone, and it’s wearing me down. I need us to find a way to share it more evenly.” Say it, stay in the room, let the silence do its work if it needs to.

In parenting, if you’ve been circling a worry about your child’s mental health or behavior, commit to one un-rushed, direct check-in this week. Keep it simple and presence-focused: “I’ve noticed things seem heavier for you lately, the way you pull away, or the frustration that comes up fast. I’m here if you want to talk about what’s behind it. No pressure to have answers right now.” The goal isn’t to fix it in one conversation; it’s to show up fully, without half-assing or rushing away from discomfort. Listen as long as they let you. If silence follows, that’s information too.

At the end of each day, take two minutes alone, no phone, no distractions, and ask quietly: Where did I half-ass today? Not to shame yourself, but to build awareness. Over time, that gentle noticing strengthens the inner muscle for showing up more completely. It might lead to bigger steps: setting a boundary that feels scary, seeking couples therapy when obligation has replaced partnership, or pursuing an evaluation for your child when intuition won’t quiet down.

McConaughey’s stories aren’t about never failing, they’re about refusing the half-life that comes from never fully trying. The valuable minutes, he suggests, are the ones spent in the room with our own discomfort long enough to see what emerges on the other side. Less resentment masked as “fine.” More honesty that allows real connection. A clearer sense of who we are when we stop half-assing.

It’s not easy. It often hurts more before it eases. But in that fuller presence, something usually shifts: the limbo lifts, even if the outcome isn’t what we hoped. And in its place comes a quieter self-trust, the kind that lets you look in the mirror and know you went all the way.

That’s my goal for the rest of the new year. To challenge myself to recognize when I am half-assing anything and to find a way to put an end to it.

Popular Psychology

Signs of a Psychopath: What Science & News Reveal in 2025

19 Sep 202517 Sep 2025by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

Psychopathy is one of those terms that triggers strong images of cool, manipulative villains, violent criminals, or people who feel no remorse. But the truth is more complex. Recent research, court cases, and psychological studies show that psychopathy is a spectrum, with traits showing up in many different ways, not always in extremes. Here are some of the clearest signs of psychopathy, plus what new findings are changing how we understand it.

I was first drawn to psychology because of my fascination with psychopathy. In fact, when I started out, I imagined myself working for the FBI as a criminal profiler, chasing the shadows of the worst of the human mind. That interest shaped my career. It’s the reason I spent years working in a mental health hospital and inside a corrections facility, where I saw firsthand how these traits play out beyond textbooks. Even now, in my downtime, I catch myself binging crime shows or listening to true-crime podcasts, still captivated by the complexity of psychopathy.

What Psychopathy Is (and Isn’t)

Psychopathy is typically characterized by traits such as callousness, lack of empathy, manipulativeness, boldness, impulsivity, and emotional coldness. These traits are measured using tools like the Hare Psychopathy Checklist (PCL-R) and others. Psychology Today+2Taylor & Francis Online+2
It overlaps with, but is not identical to, Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD). Not all with ASPD are psychopaths; not all psychopaths break the law. Some manage to live “functional” lives. Psychology Today+1

Recent Stories & Insights

A recent story: In the trial of Bryan Kohberger, accused of killing four University of Idaho students, prosecutors were barred (by a judge) from using terms like “psychopath” or “sociopath,” citing that they could prejudice the jury. The decision reflects awareness that these labels carry cultural baggage and can distort how people are perceived before evidence is weighed. The Guardian
The “Corporate Psychopath” Conversation: Business media outlets have reignited discussion around leaders who display traits like superficial charm, ruthless decision-making, and lack of empathy. These individuals may not break laws, but their callousness can devastate teams and organizations.
Psychologists at UC Berkeley are pushing to update how psychopathic personality is measured, beyond the older checklists from the ‘70s. The new model emphasizes three dimensions: boldness, callousness, and disinhibition. This allows for a more graded understanding. Someone can score high on some traits without being a “textbook psychopath.” Berkeley News+1
Another study found people with higher psychopathic traits are less likely to punish injustice when it comes at personal cost. That is, they might see a wrong happening but choose not to intervene if there’s a risk or sacrifice involved. This reveals how moral decision-making can be impaired in subtle ways. PsyPost – Psychology News

Signs That Suggest Psychopathic Traits

Here are some common signs/traits (not a diagnosis) that researchers suggest are associated with psychopathy. If you see a few in someone (or even yourself), it doesn’t mean they’re a psychopath, it just might mean these traits show up more strongly in that person than average.

Lack of Empathy: Difficulty understanding or sharing others’ emotional pain. This can show as dismissiveness or emotional coldness. PMC+1
Superficial Charm: They often come across as charismatic, persuasive, or smooth, but the warmth may feel shallow.
Grandiose Sense of Self: Overconfidence, belief in superiority, entitlement.
Pathological Lying / Manipulation: Lying not just to avoid trouble, but as a habitual strategy to get what they want.
Shallow Emotions: Emotions may be present but fleeting; they may mimic what’s expected without deeply feeling it.
Impulsivity / Irresponsibility: Acting without considering consequences; poor long-term planning.
Lack of Remorse or Guilt: Little or no regret for hurting others or breaking rules.
Need for Stimulation / Boredom Proneness: Getting easily bored, seeking thrills or novelty.
Parasitic Lifestyle: Relying on others financially or socially, exploiting others.
Poor Behavioral Controls: Aggression, irritability, violation of social norms.

Why It’s Important to Be Careful

Stigma & Labels: The word “psychopath” is sensational. In legal settings (like Kohberger’s case), using the label early can bias how people are treated. The Guardian
Spectrum, Not All-or-Nothing: Research is showing that many people have some psychopathic traits without being “dangerous” or criminal. The newer measurement models help recognize that. Taylor & Francis Online+1
Context Matters: Environment, upbringing, neurobiology all play roles. Trauma, neglect, or brain injury can contribute to developing some psychopathic traits. PsyPost – Psychology News+2Psychology Today+2

What to Do If You See These Traits

If someone you know has several of these traits and they cause harm (to themselves or others), encourage / help them seek professional evaluation.
Don’t assume diagnosis. Traits can overlap with other disorders. A clinician can use validated tools (PCL-R, PPI, etc.).
In relationships (work, personal), protect boundaries. Recognize manipulation or deception and assert your needs.
For personal self‐reflection: if you recognize some of these traits in yourself, it doesn’t mean you’re “bad” or irredeemable. Traits can be managed, awareness is the first step.

The Grey Areas

One of the most important lessons from both research and recent stories is that psychopathy is not all-or-nothing.

High-Functioning Psychopathy: Some individuals score high on traits like boldness and low empathy but channel them into socially acceptable arenas—business, politics, or even entertainment. Media often calls them “ruthless visionaries.”
The Everyday Impact: Not every psychopath is violent, but their traits can still corrode trust in workplaces, families, and communities. A co-worker who habitually manipulates or a partner who feels emotionally hollow may not headline the news, but the harm is real.

Final Thoughts

Psychopathy is not just fiction; it’s a real set of personality traits that show up across a spectrum. But much of what people believe comes from movies, sensational headlines, or trial reporting. The real power lies in understanding how these traits work and how they impact not just criminals, but everyday people.

We’re better off when we see psychopathy with clarity, not fear. By recognizing signs, separating myths from facts, and staying grounded, we improve our ability to respond, whether to support others, protect ourselves, or simply understand human behavior a little better.

Popular Psychology

Locked In: Why More Young People Are Choosing Hyper-Focus + How to Do It in a Healthy Way

17 Sep 2025by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

“Locking in” (or being “locked in”) has become one of the buzziest phrases among Gen Z and younger Millennials. It’s about more than just staying busy—it means dedicating yourself to a goal with near-military focus, cutting out distractions, and aligning your habits with what you want to build or become. Newsweek+4Refinery29+4The Guardian+4

If you’ve seen motivational TikToks, to-do list montages, or people deleting apps, resisting social plans, or meal prepping like their future depends on it—it’s probably because they’re trying to lock in. Let’s dig into what’s behind the trend, why it’s appealing, some of its darker sides, and how you can try it out without burning out.

What Is “Locking In”?

Origins & evolution: The phrase appeared in gaming and sports circles first. As an athlete and sports fan I have been familiar with the phrase for a very long time. “Locked in” meant being super focused during a match, practice, or competition. Reddit+2The Guardian+2 Over time, it has shifted to broader usage. Goals related to work, fitness, finances, academics. The Times+3Refinery29+3The Guardian+3
What people are doing: Routines with structure, early alarms, limiting time on phone or social media, meal preps, working on side hustles, studying harder, investing, saving money, etc. Refinery29+2The Washington Post+2
Why now: Part of a shift away from “soft life” aesthetics (rest, comfort, peace) toward “hustle with purpose.” Economic stress, uncertainty, comparisons on social media, and a sense that waiting isn’t enough all feed into it. Refinery29+2The Guardian+2

Why It’s Attractive

Locking in holds appeal because it promises:

Agency: When things feel chaotic or out of control, it feels good to take back control, structure, and direction.
Motivation & momentum: Having a declared goal, public accountability, and a routine helps build momentum and can make progress visible.
Purpose & clarity: It pushes you to clarify priorities, what’s important, what to cut out, what to protect.
Feeling ahead: There’s this sense of “if I lock in now, I’ll be better prepared later” which feels satisfying psychologically. Yahoo+1

Risks & Pitfalls

But as with many intense trends or lifestyle shifts, there are trade-offs. Some things to watch out for:

Burnout: All discipline and no rest often leads to exhaustion. People may push too hard for too long. Refinery29+2The Guardian+2
Rigidity & guilt: When you miss a goal, skip a workout, or need rest, guilt kicks in. The trend can cultivate shame around rest or “off days.”
Comparisons & performance pressure: Social media amplifies curated lives; seeing someone else “lock in” all out can make people feel they aren’t doing enough.
Loss of balance: Sacrificing relationships, spontaneous joy, relaxation for the sake of productivity can degrade wellbeing in other areas.

How to Use “Locking In” Mindfully

If you want to try this trend without letting it dominate or harm your mental health, here are some suggestions:

Set realistic goals
Start with smaller, achievable targets. Break big goals into parts. Don’t try to overhaul everything overnight.
Include rest & joy
Block in time for fun, connection, and rest. Rest isn’t optional; it’s part of sustainable performance.
Make accountability work for you, not against you
Share goals with someone you trust. But don’t let external judgment become your main driver.
Check in with your why
Ask: “Why is this goal important to me?” If the answer starts to feel like “because everyone else is doing it” rather than something meaningful, you might need to adjust.
Adapt & adjust
If something feels toxic, unsustainable, or harming other areas of your life (relationships, health, mental clarity), pivot. Flexibility builds resilience, too.
Celebrate progress
Mark wins, big or small. The process matters, not just the outcome.

Final Thoughts

“Locking in” can be powerful. It’s a collective reawakening of discipline, purpose, and intentional living, especially in times when distraction is easy, and external pressures are high. But strength doesn’t come from endless structure alone. True resilience comes when we combine focus with meaning, rest, connection, and kindness—for ourselves.

So if you’re thinking about locking in: Go ahead. Just make sure you’re doing so in a way that builds you up, rather than wearing you down. Because locking into life should add life, not subtract from it.

Taking Control of Your LIfe

30 Creative Ways to Care for Your Mental Health

4 Sep 2025by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

Resilience isn’t about never breaking. It’s about learning how to piece yourself back together in new and meaningful ways. Sometimes the best medicine for the mind is a spark of creativity. Here are 30 habits you can try, each designed to help you process stress, build confidence, and rediscover joy.

1. Reframe the Story

Instead of “I failed,” try “This was a plot twist that will shape my growth.” Research on cognitive reframing shows it reduces anxiety and fosters resilience.

2. Journal in Metaphors

Describe your day as a storm, a song, or a painting. Metaphors activate creative brain regions, making it easier to process tough emotions.

3. Build a Resilience Playlist

Music therapy studies show that songs tied to positive memory can quickly boost mood. Create a playlist that grounds and uplifts you.

4. Doodle Your Stress

Scribbles, shapes, and sketches can release tension. Neuroscience confirms that drawing reduces cortisol and slows heart rate. You don’t have to be an artist to do this. We are striving for relaxation, not perfection!

5. Take a Wonder Walk

Notice five things you’ve never seen before in a familiar space. This practice sparks awe, which is linked to lower inflammation and greater well-being.

6. Create a Safe Space Corner

A chair, blanket, candle, or plant can become a ritual space for calm. Environmental cues signal the body to shift into rest mode.

7. Write to Your Future Self

Pen a letter from the “you” who already made it through. This technique builds hope and perspective.

8. Turn Pain Into Poetry

Even raw, imperfect lines give language to feelings that otherwise stay trapped. Poetry has been shown to support emotional regulation.

9. Move With Music

Dance or sway freely. Movement plus rhythm lowers stress hormones and stimulates endorphins.

10. Collect Symbols of Strength

Carry a stone, coin, or photo that reminds you of endurance. These small anchors create psychological safety.

11. Sketch Your Problem

Imagine your stress as a cartoon character and exaggerate it. Humor and art reduce its power.

12. Practice Micro-Kindness

Leave a sticky note of encouragement for someone. Altruism improves mood and lowers depression risk.

13. Change Your Scenery

A simple shift: working in sunlight, moving your desk, refreshes perspective and motivation.

14. Use Colors for Emotions

Assign a color to sadness, joy, or anger. Express it through paint, collage, or clothing choice.

15. Tell Your Story Out Loud

Sharing experiences with trusted listeners validates feelings and prevents isolation.

16. Rewrite Your Ending

When painful memories replay, imagine a new outcome where you stand strong. Visualization rewires emotional memory.

17. Plant Something

Watching a seed grow offers proof that small actions create change. Gardening is linked to lower depression and higher life satisfaction.

18. Cook a New Recipe

Trying new flavors engages the senses and builds confidence through mastery.

19. Make a Ritual

Light a candle before journaling, stretch before bed, or sip tea before work. Rituals signal the brain that it’s safe to rest or focus.

20. Visualize a Mentor

Imagine advice from a supportive figure, real or imagined. Guided imagery boosts confidence and decision-making.

21. Sing in the Shower

Singing stimulates the vagus nerve, calming the body’s stress response.

22. Try Mindful Photography

Capture textures, patterns, or shadows. Mindful photography builds presence and reduces ruminative thinking.

23. Write a Gratitude Collage

Collect images or words that remind you what still sustains you. Gratitude practices improve sleep and optimism.

24. Celebrate Small Wins

Draw a star on your calendar or treat yourself when you accomplish a step. This fuels motivation through dopamine release.

25. Ask: “If I Couldn’t Fail…”

Creative problem-solving opens new paths. Research shows this mindset reduces learned helplessness.

26. Use Music as Medicine

Match your playlist to your current mood, then shift gradually upward to influence emotional state.

27. Build a Comfort Toolkit

A box with grounding items such as a journal, tea, photos, affirmations, creates instant support on hard days.

28. Tell Stories With Humor

Laugh with a friend about small struggles. Humor strengthens resilience and social connection.

29. Practice Awe Journaling

Write down one moment of awe each day: the sky, a kind gesture, a child’s laugh. Awe increases humility and well-being.

30. Express Gratitude Creatively

Write a thank-you letter in rhyme or record a voice message. Creative gratitude deepens its impact.

Is Your Teen Being Groomed Online? 5 Subtle Signs Parents Often Miss

11 Aug 20257 Aug 2025by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

The internet gives teens access to the world. It also gives the world access to them. And while most online interactions are harmless, there’s a darker reality many parents don’t want to face: online grooming.

Grooming is a manipulative process where someone, often an adult, builds trust with a young person in order to exploit them emotionally, sexually, or psychologically. It rarely starts with danger. In fact, it usually starts with attention, validation, and kindness.

If you’re a parent, caregiver, or mentor, here are five signs your teen may be experiencing online grooming, along with tips for how to approach the conversation.

1. They’re Suddenly Secretive About Their Online Life

Teens value privacy, but there’s a difference between healthy boundaries and sudden secrecy. If your teen starts hiding apps, frequently changes their passwords, or becomes overly protective of their phone, it could be more than typical behavior. Groomers often encourage secrecy with phrases like, “This is just between us,” or “No one else would understand.”

What to watch for: A noticeable shift in how they use their phone, especially if they seem nervous when you’re nearby.

2. They’re Talking to Someone Older but Won’t Say Much

If your teen mentions a new online friend who seems “cool” or says they “understand them better than you do,” but avoids sharing details, that’s a red flag. Groomers often pose as mentors, romantic interests, or even peers using fake profiles. Their goal is to create emotional dependence.

What to ask: “How did you meet them?” “What do you talk about?” “Have you ever seen their face on video, or do they avoid that?”

3. They’re Acting More Isolated or Withdrawn

One grooming tactic is to slowly disconnect the teen from their support system. If your child begins to withdraw from friends, avoid family activities, or only wants to talk to this one person, that’s a warning sign.

What to look for: A sudden loss of interest in hobbies, hangouts, or school, especially if they’ve been active before.

4. They’re Using Language That Feels Out of Place or Too Mature

Watch for changes in how your teen communicates. If their language becomes overly romantic, sexual, or emotionally intense, it may be a result of grooming. Abusers often try to fast-track emotional intimacy by using pet names or bringing up adult topics.

What to listen for: Phrases like “They say I’m special,” or “No one gets me like they do,” or an unusual curiosity about adult themes.

5. They Get Defensive or Angry When You Bring It Up

A groomed teen may defend the person who’s manipulating them. If your child becomes unusually angry, shuts down, or turns the conversation back on you, it could mean someone else has already gained influence.

What to do: Stay calm. Don’t argue. Your goal is to keep the relationship strong enough that your teen will eventually feel safe opening up.

How to Protect Your Teen Without Losing Their Trust

Start early and talk regularly. Waiting until something feels wrong can make it harder to reach them.
Ask with curiosity, not accusation. Stay open instead of going into detective mode.
Set digital boundaries that protect and empower. Use tools, but also explain the reasons behind them.
Meet their need for connection. Many teens fall into unhealthy dynamics because they feel misunderstood or isolated.

Final Thoughts

If you feel like something is off, trust that instinct. You’re not being overprotective, you’re being present. Online grooming is real, and it often happens right under a parent’s nose. But with awareness and connection, you can protect your teen without losing their trust.

Stay informed. Stay engaged. And keep showing up. Your teen needs you, even when they act like they don’t.

Back to School Blues & Breakthroughs: Helping Kids (and Parents) Adjust with Grace

5 Aug 20255 Aug 2025by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

As a parent of a very soon to be second and seventh grader, I know that back-to-school season always brings a mix of emotions, excitement, nerves and even dread for both children and their caregivers. Whether your child is starting kindergarten, entering middle school, or stepping into their final year of high school, transitions like these can stir up anxiety, uncertainty, and behavioral shifts. As a parent, it’s easy to focus on school supplies and schedules, but what’s just as important if not more, is preparing their emotional backpack too.

Let’s talk about how to help our kids adjust while keeping ourselves grounded in the process.

1. Normalize the Nerves

One of the most powerful tools we have is validation. If your child says they’re scared or nervous, resist the urge to talk them out of it. Instead, try saying:

“That makes sense. New things/change can feel a little scary sometimes.”

This lets them know they’re not broken for feeling that way and neither are you.

Try this: Share your own memories of being nervous before a school year started. Even a short story can make them feel seen.

2. Create Gentle Routines Early

Summer often brings late bedtimes, inconsistent meals, and a go-with-the-flow rhythm. I for one am embarrassed to admit that my own kids have had more screen time than what is recommended. While flexibility is beautiful, kids feel safer when they can predict what’s coming. Start reinstating routines a week or two before school starts. Sleep schedules, morning habits, and even simple rituals like “quiet time” after dinner can make the transition smoother.

Bonus tip: Let your child help co-create their new routine. Giving them some control builds confidence.

3. Watch for Anxiety in Disguise

Anxiety doesn’t always look like worry. For younger kids, it might show up as:

Headaches or stomachaches
Irritability or clinginess
Avoiding certain topics (like school)
Trouble sleeping

For older kids, you might see withdrawal, snapping at siblings, or insisting “I’m fine” when they clearly aren’t.

Support tip: Instead of pushing for answers, try inviting them into small moments of connection. Sometimes a walk, a car ride, or a quiet task like folding laundry opens up more space for them to talk.

4. Create Emotional Check-In Rituals

Try implementing a daily check-in: “Highs and lows of the day” at dinner, or a quick feelings chart in the morning. If your child isn’t verbal, encourage them to draw, pick emojis, or use colors to express how they’re doing.

5. Prepare Yourself, Too

Sometimes, it’s our own anxiety that gets stirred up when school starts. Maybe you worry about how your child will adjust, or feel guilt for not being as present as you’d like. Give yourself permission to name your feelings, too. Our kids don’t need perfection, they need presence.

Grounding prompt for you:

“What does my child actually need from me today, and how can I give that to them in a way that honors both of us?”

6. Back-to-School Toolkit

Here are a few practical tools to keep in your emotional toolkit this season:

Breathing exercises: Try “box breathing” together: inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 , exhale for 4 , hold for 4.
Mantras: Create a morning mantra together. Something like: “I am safe. I am strong. I can ask for help.”
Visual schedules: For younger kids, visual charts help them know what’s coming and feel more in control.
Reconnection time: After school, try 10 uninterrupted minutes of connection before diving into chores or homework.

Final Thoughts:

Back-to-school season isn’t just about pencils and planners, it’s a major emotional transition. But it can also be a season of growth, resilience, and connection if we approach it with curiosity and compassion. Whether your child is clinging to you at drop-off or giving you one-word answers after school, remember: their behavior is communication. And you’re not alone in figuring it out.

Let’s pack their bags with more than just supplies. Let’s fill them up with reassurance, love, and tools for navigating whatever this school year brings.

If this post resonated with you, feel free to share it with another parent or caregiver. We’re all in this together!

Popular Psychology

The Psychology of Summer Sadness: Why Some People Feel Low in the Sun

30 Jul 2025by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

When most people think of seasonal depression, they picture winter: grey skies, cold weather, short days, what’s often known was “The Winter Blues”. But what if you find yourself feeling off when the sun is shining, cookouts are happening, and everyone else seems to be living their best life?

You’re not alone and it’s more common than most people think.

What Is Summer-Onset Seasonal Affective Disorder?

Most of us have heard of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), typically linked to winter. But there’s also a lesser-known subtype called summer-onset SAD, sometimes nicknamed reverse SAD. Instead of feeling low during the darker months, individuals with summer SAD may experience:

Irritability
Anxiety
Restlessness
Trouble sleeping
Loss of appetite
Feeling emotionally disconnected from others

And here’s the thing: they often feel guilty for not enjoying what everyone else seems to be celebrating.

Why Summer Can Trigger Emotional Distress

There’s no single cause, but a few theories offer insight:

Disrupted Routines: Summer often means changes in structure. Kids out of school, vacations, longer daylight hours. For some people, especially those managing mental health conditions, lack of routine can feel destabilizing.
Sleep Interruption: More sunlight means longer days and for many, less restful sleep. That can throw off mood-regulating chemicals like serotonin and melatonin. Some people are very sensitive to even the slightest off balance of these chemicals.
Body Image Pressure: The cultural emphasis on “summer bodies” can trigger shame and self-criticism, particularly for those already struggling with self-esteem. They may feel uncomfortable hitting the pool or the beach if they feel like they don’t have a “beach bod”.
Social Comparison: Social media feeds are flooded with vacations, beach days, and barbecues. If you’re dealing with depression, grief, loneliness, or financial hardship, these images can intensify feelings of disconnection. It may appear as if everyone else is out living their best life while you’re not.
Heat Sensitivity: Believe it or not, excessive heat can actually impact mood and cognition. Some studies suggest it may exacerbate symptoms of anxiety and depression, especially in those already vulnerable. I live in Florida and during the summer, the heat and humidity on the hottest days can feel suffocating, oppressive and downright disrespectful.

What You Can Do If You’re Feeling Low This Summer

Name It Without Shame
You don’t have to justify your emotions. Just because it’s sunny outside doesn’t mean you’re obligated to feel good. Naming what you’re experiencing is the first step toward healing.
Stick to a Grounding Routine
Try to wake, eat, move, and wind down at consistent times, even if your schedule feels “off.” Your nervous system craves rhythm.
Limit the Scroll
If social media is making you feel worse, take a break. Curate your feed with intention. Mute or unfollow accounts that trigger shame or comparison.
Create Cool Spaces
Make your home a haven. Keep your bedroom cool and dark at night, take cool showers, and find shade when outside. A comfortable body helps support a regulated mind.
Talk to a Therapist
You don’t need to wait for things to get worse. If you notice a pattern of seasonal sadness or just feel like you’re carrying more than you can manage, reaching out for support is a powerful act of self-care.

You’re Not Broken, You’re Human

If you feel low during the summer months, it doesn’t mean you’re broken or ungrateful, it means you’re real. Emotions don’t always follow the weather. And healing doesn’t happen on a seasonal schedule.

Let this post be your permission slip to honor your inner climate, no matter what’s happening outside.

Bonus Resource:

Want help creating a simple, supportive summer routine?
Check out my free Summer Mood Tracker and Daily Grounding Checklist .

Taking Control of Your LIfe

Emotional Incest: When Parents Treat Their Kids Like Partners

25 Jun 2025by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

There’s a particular kind of wound that doesn’t leave visible scars. It’s not the kind you scream about or even know how to name until years later, usually in therapy or during a quiet moment of reflection. It’s when your parent made you their emotional partner, their rock, their confidant, long before you even knew how to spell the word confidant.

This isn’t about physical or sexual abuse. It’s about a subtle and often invisible boundary being crossed: emotional incest.

It happens when a parent leans too heavily on a child for emotional support, validation, or companionship in a way that disrupts that child’s development.

And the worst part?

To the outside world, it looks like love.

What Emotional Incest Looks Like

Your mom tells you everything.
Not just little things. Everything. Her problems at work. Her issues with your dad. Her fears. Her disappointments. She calls you her “best friend” or says, “You’re the only one I can really talk to.”

Or maybe your dad constantly talks about how lonely he is, how he doesn’t know what he’d do without you. He vents to you about his dating life. He needs you to cheer him up, to be strong for him.

It feels like love. It’s closeness.

But it’s not the right kind.

Why It’s So Damaging

Children aren’t supposed to be emotional caretakers.

They’re supposed to be… children.

But when you’re put in that role, it changes how you see relationships, yourself, and the world:

You grow up too fast.
You become hyper-aware of others’ emotions.
You feel guilty prioritizing yourself.
You often attract relationships where you play the caregiver role all over again.

And often, you carry a deep, unspoken grief.
Because while you were being someone else’s support system, no one was being yours.

How It Shows Up in Adults

Emotional incest doesn’t always look like trauma.

It shows up in subtle, painful ways:

Struggling to set boundaries
Feeling guilty when saying no
Becoming the “therapist” in all your relationships
Fear of abandonment if you stop being useful
Confusion about your own needs, wants, and identity

Sound familiar? That’s not just personality. That’s survival.

What Healing Looks Like

Healing starts with naming it.
Then:

Set boundaries – even if they feel unfamiliar or scary.
Reparent yourself – give your inner child the space to be cared for.
Seek support – from people who don’t need you, but see you.
Release guilt – for prioritizing your own needs.

And most of all, remember:
It was never your job to carry their pain.

You Deserved More

You deserved to be protected, not depended on.
You deserved to play, to rest, to mess up, and still be loved.
You deserved a childhood.

If no one told you that before, let me be the first:
It was never your job to hold it all together.

What You Can Do Now

Talk about this openly , even if your voice shakes.
Seek out spaces where you don’t have to be “the strong one.”
Give yourself permission to rest without earning it.

Join the Conversation

Have you ever experienced this?
How did it shape the way you love, trust, or care for others?

Drop your story in the comments. Let’s make this a safe space to unpack, release, and grow together.

You are not alone.