Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Carlee Russell and Histrionic Personality Disorder

24 Jul 2023by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

Recently on the radio, I heard some speculation that Carlee Russell, a 25-year-old woman from Alabama who made headlines after she disappeared after reporting she spotted a toddler on the highway, only to show up days later to a relative’s house unharmed with no evidence that she was ever kidnapped or in danger.

Many are trying to understand what appears to be her bizarre behavior surrounding her disappearance and some believe that she may be suffering from some type of mental illness Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD). As a mental health professional, I don’t want to throw out any possible diagnosis based on the little bit of information I know about this situation and certainly not when it comes to possible personality disorders (which generally takes getting to know the individual personally over time) but I take a more indepth look into what HPD is.

Understanding Histrionic Personality Disorder

HPD is one of the least understood and frequently misdiagnosed personality disorders. It is characterized by patterns of excessive emotionality, attention-seeking behavior, and a need for approval.

HPD falls under the cluster B personality disorders in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), characterized by dramatic, emotional, or erratic behavior. Individuals with HPD exhibit a pervasive pattern of excessive emotionality and attention-seeking behavior that begins by early adulthood and is present in various contexts.

The symptoms can often lead to difficulties in relationships and professional settings, impacting an individual’s overall quality of life.

Symptoms of Histrionic Personality Disorder

Some common symptoms associated with HPD include:

A constant need for attention and approval
Discomfort in situations where they are not the center of attention
Rapidly shifting and shallow expressions of emotions
Use of physical appearance to draw attention
Impressionistic speech that lacks detail
Dramatic, theatrical, and exaggerated expressions of emotion
Easily influenced by others or circumstances
Belief that relationships are more intimate than they actually are

It’s important to note that everyone can exhibit some of these behaviors at times. A diagnosis of HPD involves these behaviors being consistent, long-term patterns that interfere with day-to-day functioning.

Causes and Risk Factors

The exact cause of HPD is unknown, but it’s likely a combination of genetic, environmental, and social factors. Some studies suggest that a history of childhood trauma or neglect might contribute to developing HPD. Early parental relationships may also play a role, as those who were rewarded for dramatic behaviors may learn to use these behaviors to get attention.

Diagnosis and Treatment

Diagnosing HPD involves a comprehensive evaluation by a mental health professional. The clinician will assess the individual’s behavior, thoughts, and feelings over time, and compare them to the DSM-5 criteria.

Once diagnosed, psychotherapy is the primary treatment method for HPD. Cognitive behavioral therapy can be effective, helping individuals to uncover unconscious thought and behavior patterns, and learn new, healthier ways to relate to others. Group therapy can also be beneficial, allowing the individual to interact with others in a controlled, professional environment.

While there’s no specific medication for HPD, some symptoms, such as depression or anxiety, may be managed with psychiatric drugs.

Coping Strategies and Support

Living with or caring for someone with HPD can be challenging. The following coping strategies can be helpful:

Educate Yourself: Understanding the disorder can help manage expectations and facilitate empathy.
Set Boundaries: Maintaining consistent boundaries can prevent manipulative or attention-seeking behavior from destabilizing relationships or professional settings.
Seek Support: Joining a support group, either in-person or online, can provide emotional assistance and practical advice.

Conclusion: Understanding and Compassion

HPD is a complex and often misunderstood condition. If Carlee Russell is suffering from HPD, then she needs understanding, compassion, and professional support just like anyone else suffering from a mental health issue. Instead of attacking or ridiculing her, this experience can be used to highlight the important of mental health awareness.

If you or a loved one have been diagnosed with HPD, remember: you are not alone, and help is available. With the right treatment and support, individuals with HPD can lead fulfilling, productive lives.

In shedding light on conditions like HPD, we help to combat stigma and pave the way for more open discussions about mental health. In doing so, we can foster a society where everyone is understood, accepted, and receives the care they need.

Popular Psychology

The Unheard Voices: Exploring the World of Maladaptive Daydreaming

7 Jul 2023by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

Daydreaming: we all do it. It’s the mind’s escape hatch, letting us leave our desks, classrooms, or daily chores to briefly venture into a realm where we’re the scriptwriters, directors, and leading actors. But for some, daydreaming isn’t just an occasional mental diversion—it’s an intricate, time-consuming saga that can interfere with their daily life. This phenomenon is known as maladaptive daydreaming, a fascinating yet often misunderstood aspect of mental health.

What is Maladaptive Daydreaming?

First coined by Professor Eliezer Somer of the University of Haifa, maladaptive daydreaming (MD) describes a condition where an individual gets excessively absorbed in daydreaming to the point where it disrupts their life. Unlike regular daydreaming, MD is not merely a brief escape from reality but a significant investment of time and mental energy.

Individuals with MD create complex daydreams, often with recurring characters and ongoing storylines. They might be triggered by real-life events, books, movies, or even music. The daydreams are usually incredibly vivid and immersive, frequently more enticing than reality, leading to individuals spending hours lost in their imagined worlds.

The Impact of Maladaptive Daydreaming

While this intense daydreaming might sound like a boon to creative individuals, the ‘maladaptive’ in maladaptive daydreaming underscores its potential drawbacks.

Individuals with MD can become so engrossed in their daydreams that it hampers their productivity, social relationships, and overall quality of life. They may neglect work or studies, have difficulty sleeping, and become socially isolated. The vivid, detailed nature of the daydreams can also elicit strong emotional responses, which can be exhausting.

Not Just Daydreaming: Recognizing Maladaptive Daydreaming

One of the key challenges with MD is that it’s not formally recognized as a disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). However, several characteristics can help distinguish it from ordinary daydreaming:

Duration: Maladaptive daydreams consume hours of a person’s day, unlike regular daydreams.
Control: Individuals with MD often feel they have less control over their daydreaming and may struggle to stop or reduce it.
Distress and Dysfunction: MD leads to significant distress, often due to guilt, shame, or the inability to perform daily tasks effectively.
Immersive Daydreams: The daydreams in MD are incredibly vivid and detailed, often with complex plots and characters.

What Can Be Done?

For those who identify with the traits of maladaptive daydreaming, acknowledging it is the first step. Awareness is key to understanding how these daydreams might be influencing your life.

Next, consider seeking professional help. Therapists, particularly those specializing in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), can help individuals develop strategies to manage their daydreaming and deal with the issues it may cause.

For some, maladaptive daydreaming is a way of coping with loneliness, trauma, or dissatisfaction with life. In such cases, therapy may involve addressing these underlying issues.

Finally, finding supportive communities—such as online forums or local mental health groups—can also provide comfort and shared coping strategies.

A World Within a World

The realm of maladaptive daydreaming reminds us of the mind’s immense capacity to create, illustrating how our internal worlds can sometimes become as influential as the reality we navigate daily. While this mental phenomenon can cause challenges, understanding it is the first step to managing its effects and helping those who experience it live balanced, fulfilling lives. With more research and recognition, we can hope for better support and resources for those living in the world of maladaptive daydreaming.

Popular Psychology

Cheerful Nihilism: Finding Joy in the Absurd

6 Jul 2023by Torey C. Richards, LMHC2 Comments

One day I was speaking with a client who told me that she was being “cheerfully nihilistic” which I found to be an interesting term. After our session, I immediately did a deep dive into cheerful nihilism and found it to be a fascinating way to look at life.

Cheerful nihilism might at first seem like an oxymoron, but it embodies a unique perspective on life. Understanding this concept can provide you with another tool when dealing with the ups and downs of life.

What is Nihilism?

Nihilism, at its most fundamental level, is the belief that life is without objective meaning, purpose, or inherent value. It’s a philosophy that emerged prominently in the 19th century, particularly associated with Friedrich Nietzsche, who viewed it as a destructive force that could undermine moral and societal structures. However, nihilism is not inherently negative, and several forms of it can provide different perspectives on life.

One of these perspectives is what is referred to as ‘cheerful nihilism’.

What is Cheerful Nihilism?

Cheerful nihilism is a term that might initially seem contradictory. After all, how can a worldview often associated with despair and existential dread be considered cheerful? The answer lies in a reframing of nihilistic principles.

Cheerful nihilism is about finding joy in the inherent meaninglessness of life. It encourages individuals to let go of the anxiety produced by societal expectations, the fear of failure, or the pressure to conform to a specific narrative of success and fulfillment. Instead, it suggests that we should enjoy life for what it is, unburdened by the quest for inherent meaning.

In this worldview, the absence of an objective or preordained purpose doesn’t translate to a hopeless or depressive outlook. Instead, it provides a freedom to create our own purpose and meaning.

Cheerful Nihilism in Practice

The first step in practicing cheerful nihilism is acceptance. Accepting that life has no inherent, objective meaning can be liberating. It frees one from the pressures of conforming to societal expectations, allowing for a more authentic and self-defined existence.

From here, you can begin to construct your own meaning. This process is highly personal, as what brings joy and fulfillment varies from person to person. It could be anything from nurturing relationships, to pursuing a passion, to contributing to a cause that aligns with your values.

Lastly, cheerful nihilism encourages gratitude and mindfulness. Even in a world that lacks inherent meaning, we can appreciate and find joy in simple, everyday experiences – the beauty of a sunset, the joy of laughter, or the satisfaction of a well-cooked meal.

Cheerful Nihilism and Mental Health

While nihilism might initially seem like a negative or despair-inducing belief system, cheerful nihilism can have positive implications for mental health.

Firstly, it can alleviate feelings of pressure and anxiety, often associated with the pursuit of a specific purpose or meeting societal expectations. By dismissing the need for an objective meaning, individuals can feel liberated to live their life according to their own standards.

Secondly, it allows for increased authenticity and self-expression. In a nihilistic framework, every individual is free to create their own purpose and to choose what to value in life.

Lastly, cheerful nihilism promotes mindfulness and gratitude, both of which have been associated with increased wellbeing and lower rates of depression and anxiety.

As a mental health counselor, understanding cheerful nihilism provides me with another perspective to help others. It’s however, important to remember that it is just one of many philosophical perspectives on life and may not resonate or be helpful to everyone. It’s just another tool of many that we can choose from to help us thrive and survive in an unpredictable world.

Popular Psychology

Detachment

3 May 2023by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

Detachment is a term often used in psychology and refers to the ability to distance oneself emotionally from a situation, experience, or individual. It is a concept that is often associated with mindfulness and is considered an essential skill in the practice of acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). In this blog post, we will explore the concept of detachment and how it can be applied in our daily lives.

Detachment is not the same as indifference or apathy. Rather, it is the ability to observe our thoughts and emotions without becoming overwhelmed or controlled by them. When we detach, we are able to view situations from a more objective perspective, which can help us to make better decisions and respond to challenging situations in a more effective way.

One of the most significant benefits of detachment is that it can help us to manage our emotions. When we become emotionally attached to a particular outcome or situation, we may experience anxiety, fear, or disappointment. However, by practicing detachment, we can learn to acknowledge our emotions without becoming consumed by them. This can help us to stay calm and focused, even in challenging situations.

Another benefit of detachment is that it can improve our relationships with others. When we become too emotionally attached to others, we may become controlling or possessive. However, by practicing detachment, we can learn to respect the autonomy of others and appreciate them for who they are. This can help us to build stronger, healthier relationships.

Detachment can also be helpful in situations where we are experiencing grief or loss. When we detach, we can acknowledge our emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them. This can help us to process our feelings in a healthy way and move forward with our lives.

In order to practice detachment, it is important to develop mindfulness skills. Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment. By practicing mindfulness, we can learn to observe our thoughts and emotions without becoming caught up in them. This can help us to develop a greater sense of self-awareness and emotional regulation.

Detachment is not always easy, especially in situations that are emotionally charged. However, with practice, it is possible to develop this skill and use it to improve our emotional well-being and relationships with others.

Popular Psychology

Rebirth

8 Apr 2023by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

This Easter weekend for those who observe it as a time of renewals and new beginnings. It’s a great time to think of beginning anew.

Have you ever felt like you wanted to start over, like you wished you could be reborn? It’s a common feeling that many people experience at some point in their lives. Whether it’s because of past mistakes, difficult circumstances, or just a desire for change, the idea of being reborn can be incredibly appealing.

When I was younger, I remember every weekend thinking that next week is a new beginning. I can start over, be a better person and move on from whatever things were bothering me the week before. As I got older, sometimes I forget that every day is an opportunity to start over in some way. An opportunity to be reborn.

But what does it really mean to be reborn, and is it even possible?

From a psychological perspective, being reborn could be seen as a process of personal transformation. It involves letting go of old patterns and beliefs that no longer serve us and embracing new ways of thinking and behaving.

One way to facilitate this transformation is through the process of introspection. By reflecting on our past experiences and examining our thoughts and behaviors, we can gain insight into the underlying patterns that are holding us back. This self-awareness can help us identify areas where we need to change and grow.

Another key aspect of being reborn is the willingness to take risks and try new things. Change can be scary, and it’s easy to fall back into old habits and ways of thinking. But by embracing new experiences and stepping outside of our comfort zones, we can open ourselves up to new possibilities and opportunities for growth.

Of course, being reborn is not a one-time event. Personal transformation is an ongoing process that requires continued effort and commitment. It’s important to be patient with ourselves and to recognize that change takes time.

Here are some ways to use Easter to look at starting over:

Let go of the past: Starting over often involves letting go of the past. Easter is a time of forgiveness and renewal, which makes it a great opportunity to release any negative emotions or grudges that may be holding you back. Consider reflecting on what you need to let go of in order to move forward.
Focus on new opportunities: Easter is a time of hope and new beginnings, which can help you shift your focus towards new opportunities. Think about what you want to achieve in the future and set goals for yourself. Use Easter as a time to create a plan for reaching those goals.
Surround yourself with support: Starting over can be difficult, so it’s important to have support from others. Surround yourself with people who encourage and support you in your journey. This could be family members, friends, or a support group.
Practice self-care: Starting over can be stressful, so it’s important to take care of yourself. Make time for activities that you enjoy and that help you relax, such as exercise, meditation, or reading. Practice self-compassion and be patient with yourself as you navigate this new beginning.

So while we may not be able to literally be reborn, we can still embrace the idea of personal transformation and growth. By letting go of the past, being open to new experiences, and committing to ongoing self-improvement, we can create a brighter, more fulfilling future for ourselves.

We Need These Five Things To Find Well-being in Life

3 Mar 2023by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

The other day I took an interesting seminar on positive psychology and in particular, the PERMA Model. The PERMA Model was developed by positive psychologist, Martin Seligman. “PERMA” stands for the five elements he believes we need to have in our lives to experience lasting well-being and to flourish.

What Does PEMRA stand for anyway?

(P) Positive Emotion
In order for us to experience long lasting well-being we need to have positive emotions in our lives. Positive emotion can come from a variety of things such as having gratitude, being at peace, being satisfied, inspired, in love or having hope are just a few examples. Enjoying ourselves in the here and now is essential as long as we also have the other components of PERMA in place.
(E) Engagement
Think about when you are truly engaged in something you find interesting. It can be an activity, reading a book, watching a movie or working on a project. When we are truly engaged, we experience a since of flow where we lose our sense of self. Time seems to sit still, and we are engaged intensely on the present. It’s a beautiful thing. The more we experience this type of engagement, the more we will experience happiness and well-being. It’s important that we find things that allow us to experience this since of flow on a regular basis.
(R) Positive Relationships
Humans are social creatures and the more we have good, meaningful, positive relationships, the happier we tend to be. In order to achieve long-lasting well-being, it’s important that we have positive relationships. It doesn’t mean you have to be an extrovert or social butterfly. We all have our own unique ways of building and engaging in healthy relationships.
(M) Meaning
Meaning happens when we are doing something that is bigger than ourselves. This could be serving a religious or spiritual cause, a humanitarian cause or being a part of something that gives you a sense of purpose. Finding meaning in our lives help gives us a sense of well-being.
(A) Accomplishment/Achievement
Most of us want to grow and improve ourselves in some way. It could be learning a new skill, losing weight or challenging ourselves to get over a fear. Accomplishing things is important in helping us flourish and giving our lives a since of well-being. They can be small or big goals.

How to Use the PERMA Model in Your Life

Happiness can be an elusive goal and somethings we focus too much on trying to be happy when instead we should focus more on finding a sense of well-being and living a rich, meaningful life. We can do this by utilizing the PERMA model to start improving your lives.

Start by looking at your life. Look at what you already have that give you the five elements of PERMA. What can you do to improve those things if you already have them or to create them if you don’t?

Positive Emotions: Look for opportunities to have more positive emotions by looking at the people, things and events that bring you happiness. Find ways to bring some positive emotions and joy into your daily routine instead of waiting for the weekend or vacation time to feel enjoyment. It could be finding time to enjoy a cup of coffee in the morning or bringing in plants for your desk at work.

Engagement: Find ways to become engaged with the things you like. That can be a hobby or spending time with friends or working on a project. It can be your work If it brings you happiness. Try to find ways to limit distractions so that you can get into a state of flow. Find activities that make you feel engaged and happy.

Positive Relationships: Do you have enough positive relationships in your life? It could be with friends, family or co-workers. Many of us spend most of our waking hours at work so it may be important to build quality work relationships. Outside of work is just as important. If you can work on improving your current relationships than do it. Commit to spending more time with a friend or family member on a regular basis. Often times we are all busy with our individual lives, but It takes effort to connect and strengthen relationships. If however you don’t have any positive relationships don’t waste too much time trying to build something that isn’t there or worse, something that is toxic. Be open to building new positive relationships with people that make you feel good.

Meaning: Do you feel like you’re connected to something bigger than you? You can get that feeling from your work, your hobbies, charities or your religious or spiritual connections. Finding meaning is important to our sense of well-being and we can find that by performing acts of kindness, being part of a group, volunteering or even just being connected more with those close to us.

Accomplishments/Achievement
Are you devoting enough time to achieving and accomplishing your goals and dreams? Identify what it is you want to accomplish in life. You don’t have to start with huge goals, but you can start with small ones and each time you achieve one, celebrate, even if it’s by yourself and privately. Accomplishing things help us feel fulfilled and increasing our sense of well-being.

For more information on PERMA check out “Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being” by Martin E. P. Seligman. Published by Free Press, 2011.

Popular Psychology

What You Need to Know About Stealthing

11 Jan 2023by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

Okay, so maybe I’ve been in a committed relationship for so long that I haven’t kept up with some of the new terms in the dating and sex lexicon. When a client of mine told me last week that she was upset with her new boyfriend because he kept “Stealthing her”, I had no idea what she was talking about. I had to ask her what Stealthing was. In her words, she said “It’s when someone takes off a condom during sex without you knowing”. I wasn’t completely shocked by this. I have heard of this happening when I was a teenager and even in my college years, but my patient and her boyfriend are both fully grown adults and even more surprisingly, they both work in the medical field. This prompted me to do more research on Stealthing because apparently it is a bigger thing than I had realized.

What is Stealthing?

I had to turn to the internet for a clearer definitely of stealthing, although my client’s definition was pretty right on. Stealthing is the non-consensual act of removing a condom during sex without the consent or knowledge of the other person.

It can also include damaging the condom on purpose without the other person knowing so that it becomes less effective at its job of preventing pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STI).

While Stealthing usually involves removing a condom in the middle of a sexual act, it can also mean the removing of any agreed upon barrier in the middle of sexual activity without the other person’s consent.

When I was younger and I would hear guys talk about this, it didn’t seem as bad as it does now that I’m older. Back then the guys I know who did it would say that they didn’t like the feel of sex with a condom on. They’re intent didn’t seem terribly malicious, but in actuality, Stealthing is a form of sexual assault.

Consent is an informed, specific, and ongoing negotiation of enthusiastic desire.

When someone consents to having sex with another person(s) with the use of a condom, dental dam or any other protective barrier, when the other person purposely removes or damages that barrier, the consent of the other person has been broken which then turns the consensual sex into assault.

How Common is Stealthing?

One study I read says that about 12% of women have experienced Stealthing. I asked my client why she thought her new boyfriend was doing this to her (she had caught him multiple times). I even asked if she thought he was trying to get her pregnant as using condoms was the only form of birth control they were using, but she said that he simply didn’t like to use condoms. According to her, he never wanted to use condoms from the first time they engaged in sex, but she insisted. She wanted to protect her body from pregnancy and STIs.

There’s some thought that Stealthing is rooted in misogyny where men who do it believe that their pleasure is more important than the desires, wishes and consent of their partner.

A lot of these men have been raised by society to believe that a man’s happiness and sexual pleasure supersedes that of their partner, especially when it comes to heterosexual men.

I even recommended to my partner that they try different brands and types of condoms such as polyurethane or lambskin, but she didn’t think that would make a difference. Unfortunately, many people believe that condoms ruin sex for the man that is wearing it.

Because of these combined factors, many men believe that it’s okay to remove a condom if it’s getting in the way of their pleasure. Most likely, in their opinion, they are doing no real harm, not realizing that they are not only exposing themselves and the person they are having sex with to STis, unwanted pregnancy and sexual assault.

Stealthing Is Sexual Abuse

The reason why my client’s boyfriend, or anyone would remove or damage an agreed upon sexual barrier doesn’t really matter. At the end of the day, it’s sexual abuse and it harms the victim.

Stealthing can be done as a form of physical or emotional abuse. It can be done because someone is purposely trying to pass on a STI or impregnate another person without their consent. Why would someone want to do those things? Manipulation for one. The person who is doing the Stealthing may be trying to trap the other person into being in a relationship with them through getting them pregnant or giving them a STI. They may feel like the other person would have to stay with them because no one else is going to want or love them which of course is not true.

My client was left feeling betrayed, scared and depressed because she can’t trust this guy she really likes. He has shown that he doesn’t respect her or her body and continues to put her at risk despite her telling him multiple times not to. The last time we met she had agreed to not be intimate with him until he shows that he is going to respect her and her desires.

Because of this violation of trust and bodily autonomy, my client has had increased anxiety and depression. She really likes this guy, and it seems as if his only flaw which is a critical flaw, is that he doesn’t respect her when it comes to sex and I can only imagine that if he isn’t respecting her that way then it’s only a matter of time before he shows he doesn’t’ respect her in many other ways, if at all.

What to do if You’ve been Stealthed

California actually made stealthing illegal in 2021 and I believe other states will slowly follow. For now, if you think you’ve been Stealthed, it’s okay to ask your partner “Did you remove the condom (or whatever barrier) while we were having sex” or ask them to squeeze the condom afterwards to make sure there are no holes in it.

It can be hard to know if you were Stealthed, but always trust your gut and if something feels off, proceed as if you had been Stealthed so that you can protect yourself.

Use emergency contraception- something like Plan B, but time is of the essence as most emergency contraception have to be taken within 3 to 5 days of the incident.
Take the antiretroviral PEP– if you don’t know your partners STI status or don’t trust that they are being honest about it, you can take PEP but it must be taken within 72 hours of potential exposure to HIV to be effective. If you know that your partner is HIV positive, go see a medical professional immediately about post exposure prophylaxis .
Take a pregnancy test- you have to wait a couple of weeks or so for this one, but taking a pregnancy test or two (one a week after the first one) can help you either relax or know your options depending on the results.
Get tested for STIs- unless you know the status of the person you were intimate with, you should plan on getting tested for STIs for both your health and the health of your future partners.
Get support- being Stealthed can be dehumanizing and traumatizing, but there’s no reason to feel embarrassed. Reach out to family, friends, a counselor or anyone you feel comfortable talking to.

The bottom line is, Stealthing is sexual assault and abuse. The only person to blame is the person doing the stealthing and the only way to stop stealthing from happening is the person who is doing it has to respect the consent and desires of the other person.

If the other person truly doesn’t want to use protection, then they either need to move on or have an open dialogue with their partner and only engage in non-protective sex when both parties fully agree and understand the potential consequences. Some ways of bringing this up include asking if the other person would be interested in having sex without a condom if they got tested for STIs together, or if the other person is open to sex without protection if they used another birth control method. Having an open dialogue, respect and consent are the keys.

Stealthing is not harmless. It’s abusive and potentially dangerous.

Taking Control of Your LIfe

Celebrate Yourself in 2023

2 Jan 2023by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

Last year I achieved a major accomplishment. I trained hard for several months and competed in a Jiu Jitsu competition I had wanted to compete in for years. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and forced myself to out in front of hundreds of strangers, my team and my coaches and compete. And you know what? It was great! I came in second place, I felt good about myself, and I was proud of having put myself out there to compete with some younger guys. That whole night felt magical… until I got home.

When I got home it was like someone had let all of the air out of my balloon. My significant other didn’t even ask me how it went and when I told her, she didn’t seem to care. There was no celebration. I felt heartbroken. Although she knew how hard I trained and how nervous I was for this particular event, she did not acknowledge it at all once I got home. I felt a little defeated. I realized that something that meant a lot to me meant absolutely nothing to her and while ideally, our friends, family and significant others would want to celebrate our accomplishments, at the end of the day they may not totally understand what it means to us, so we have to be able to celebrate ourselves regardless of if others want to celebrate with us or not.

How Do You Learn To Celebrate Yourself

Unfortunately, many of us do not know how to celebrate ourselves. Some of us don’t do it out of fear of appearing conceited or boastful. Many of us have even been taught to not celebrate ourselves, but it’s important to recognize and celebrate our achievements, especially for ourselves, but it may even encourage or inspire others as well.

You can start by celebrating small achievements. Many of us like to wait until we accomplish a big goal before we celebrate, but often times those big goals take along time to achieve and we can get discouraged along the way. That’s why it’s important to celebrate the small accomplishments as well. Let’s say that your New Years resolution is to lose 50 pounds. You don’t have to wait until you lose all 50 to celebrate. You can celebrate losing five pounds, then ten or even celebrate when you make it through a whole week sticking to your diet and/or exercise plan. Those little celebrations can help motivate you to keep going and accomplishing your goal.

Start small.

Even if you don’t have any big goals coming up, it is good to get into the habit of reflecting back on your accomplishments at the end of the week. Did you clean that garage? Did you meet your steps goals more days than not? Did you cut back on sugar like you had planned? Sometimes you have to celebrate things such as just making it to the gym on a day when you really didn’t want to go, or writing a few sentences on a day when writers block felt particularly crippling.

Ways to Celebrate Yourself

Give yourself a break. Take a day off work and do something special just for yourself. That may mean lying in bed binge watching your favorite TV show, hanging out with a friend you haven’t seen in a while, enjoying a nature walk or all three. Just make sure whatever you do is for you. If you can’t carve out a whole day, carve out a couple of hours. Get a babysitter and give yourself some “me time” or turn off all of your electronic devices and enjoy an hour to yourself.
Share your success with others. You can celebrate privately or you can share your accomplishments with others. Yes, some of your friends may not care that you lost 5 pounds this week, but I am willing to bet that many more of your family and friends would love to hear about your accomplishments and are willing to be supportive. Share your accomplishments rather it’s privately with a few close friends and family or on social media and accept the compliments. Remember, sharing an accomplishment you’re proud of is not bragging or boasting.
Dress up to celebrate yourself. You don’t have to be going anywhere special, but the way we dress can influence the way we feel. If we want to celebrate ourselves, sometimes it’s good to dress the part. You don’t have to save your fancy clothes or the clothes that make you feel special for those special occasions when celebrating yourself is a special occasion. This is one way I used to privately celebrate myself and yet everyone I came in contact with would notice and some would even ask what the special occasion was.
Buy yourself something special. I’m a big proponent on buying gifts for myself. Celebrate yourself by buying yourself something you want and if it’s something that may cost a lot of money, celebrate yourself buy saving towards it. It could be a new pair of shoes, a trip to Vegas or something as simple as a book you’ve been wanting to read. I celebrated myself last month by buying myself a watch I really wanted but knew no one else would ever by me.

I really hope this year is full of joy, love, good health and many celebrations for you!

Taking Control of Your LIfe

Mental Health Struggles After a Hurricane

6 Oct 20226 Oct 2022by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

I live in “The Sunshine State”, but unfortunately, it’s not always sunny herein Florida especially during hurricane season. Just last week many Floridians, including myself, were affected by hurricane Ian. While my house in suffered no damage other than to the fence and being out of power for three days, many others faired far worse. Many people lost their homes to the winds and floods. Sadly, many people also lost their lives. At the time of this writing, 103 people in Florida had died from the storm and recovery efforts are still ongoing. I work at a level 3 trauma hospital and have seen patients with injuries indirectly related to the storm such as burn injuries related to generator fires and electrocutions caused by down power lines. Being in a major storm can be terrifying and even after the storm has passed, it’s effects can still linger not just with the damage to the community, but mentally with those who survived.

For many, such natural disasters can trigger a continuing sense of anxiety and depression or worsen long-simmering mental illnesses, mental health experts say. The effects, if left untreated, can linger for years.

Going through a natural disaster like a hurricane can be very traumatic. Thousands of people had to evacuate their homes, and some had no home to return to, losing all of their possessions and some even their businesses and jobs in the process. In Orange County where I live, schools were closed for several days, and one elementary school is damaged so badly because flooding that those kids are now being taught at a high school. Imagine how traumatizing that is for elementary age kids to suddenly lose their school and have to adjust to a whole new environment that no one could have prepared them for. While children are known for being resilient, I have no doubt that many of them will need additional emotional support at this time.

Often people who suffer from a mental health issue will have a worsening of symptoms especially because they tend to lack adequate coping skills as it is. Even those who don’t suffer from mental health issues may find themselves struggling weeks to months later when they realize how difficult it may be to rebuild, the financial toll the storm has taken on them or anxiety whenever another storm may be headed their way. Once power got restored at my house I had to go through my refrigerator and freezer and throw away almost everything which in itself could cause someone on a limited income anxiety and depression as that food has to be replaced somehow. Luckily there are government assisted programs like FEMA that are offering aid to those in need.

Here are some tips for coping with natural disasters like hurricanes from The Anxiety and Depression Association of America:

Create a plan: Being prepared can help reduce anxiety before, during and after a big storm. Make a plan to evacuate and put together preparedness kits.
Be informed: Keep a close eye on weather information and warnings. That may help you gain a sense of control over the situation.
Talk it out: Don’t be afraid to talk about your fears with family members, friends, a counselor, or others who can offer emotional support.
Accept what you can’t control: Nobody can control the path of a storm or its damage. Excessive worry will not change anything except your emotional well-being.

Some people may need to stay away from watching too much news coverage of the storm as it can be upsetting. Trying to get back to your normal daily activities as soon as possible can be helpful as well as exercising, sleeping and eating right. It’s really hard to manage your mental health when you’re mentally and physically exhausted.

If you can, after the disasters has passed, consider doing something that may make you feel good such as donating food, money or your time. If, however, you feel extremely overwhelmed, depressed and your symptoms don’t improve in a few weeks, it may be time to seek professional help.

Often people think after a storm or natural disaster only about the clean-up and rebuilding, but it’s important that we don’t neglect the survivor’s mental health.

I’ve attached some personal pictures to show just some of the damage Ian caused across central Florida. Things are much worse in certain areas, especially where the storm made landfall.

View from my old house in Orlando the day after Ian passed through.

A picture a friend of mine who is a fire fighter sent me while rescuing people from flooded houses the day after hurricane Ian

The food from my refrigerator and freezer that had to be thrown away due to not having power for over three days

Popular Psychology

100 Tips for Bipolar Disorder

17 Aug 2022by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

Introduction

Small things help. When Sir Clive Woodward was asked how England won the Rugby World Cup in 2003 he said “Winning… was not about doing one thing 100% better, but about doing 100 things 1% better”.

Making small changes can really help improve your quality of life as a bipolar sufferer. The cullmative effect of developing a few good habits can help you manage your disorder better and create a more balanced life. Whether you’re just beginning to realise that you have a problem or you’ve been diagnosed for many years, these tips could help you feel just a little bit better everyday.

Some of these ideas will make a lot of sense to you. Some of them you will be doing already. Some will not suit you at all. Start with one or two of these tips that seem achievable, but try to avoid doing it all too quickly as it could trigger an episode.

In a few months hopefully you’ll be doing a number of things 1% better.

N.B. This is a collection of tips gleaned from my own experiences and research. It is not exhaustive or in anyway scientific. You should always consult your doctor regarding your bipolar disorder.

What is Bipolar Disorder?

Bipolar Disorder is a physical disease where one experiences low and high moods. It used to be called manic depression, which is a good title because the disorder is a mixture of mania and depression.

Depression can have the following symptoms:
• Low mood
• Intense sadness
• Lack of motivation
• Crying
• Low self worth
• Low energy
• Disinterest
• Anxiety
• Indifference
• Physical pain

Mania can have the following symptoms:
• Lots of energy
• Rapid speech
• Racing thoughts
• Aggression
• Grandiose ideas
• Self confidence
• Dangerous behaviour
• Irritability
• Anxiety
• Overspending
• Starting over-ambitious projects

A sufferer can also have rapid cycling – cycling through your mania and depression rapidly. This can happen several times a year through to several times a day.

The most dangerous type of Bipolar disorder is the mixed state. It has a very high risk of suicide. Sufferers have the energy and racing thoughts associated with mania alongside the feelings of worthlessness which come with depression.

Sufferers may have periods of feeling fine in between these episodes or it may be a continual cycle.

Go to School

1 Take an online bipolar test.

2 Learn from other people’s experiences.

3 Learn from the experts.

4 Look at websites that offer advice and revisit them from time to time.

5 Get familiar with the symptoms of depression.

6 Get familiar with the symptoms of mania.

7 Get familiar with the symptoms of rapid cycling.

8 Get familiar with the symptoms of the mixed state.

9 Get familiar with what it is like to be fine.

10 Understand that this disorder can make you feel things that are not real.

11 Learn the language of the disorder.

Know Thyself

12 Observe your moods.

13 Record your moods using tracking software, chart or a diary.

14 Identify what feelings are genuine and which are symptoms.

15 Learn your cycles.

16 Get somebody else to give you feedback on your moods.

17 Work out what keeps you calm.

18 Work out what your stressors and triggers are.

Trigger Happy

19 Work out what causes you stress – these factors will be unique to you, don’t worry if they seem petty or weird – you don’t have to tell anybody.

20 Avoid stress as much as you can.

21 Work out what your triggers for going manic are and avoid them.

22 Be aware that your triggers and stressors can change.

23 Allow yourself time to react to things, especially big life events.

24 Avoid stimulants. Smoking, alcohol, caffeine and sugar.

25 If you’re a woman check with your GP that your bipolar is not triggered by your menstrual cycle, if it is then you may be able to reduce your symptoms with medication.

26 Be aware that sexual promiscuity is a symptom of bipolar disorder. Take precautions and stay safe.

27 Avoid recreational drugs and taking over the counter drugs to help with your moods e.g. sleeping pills, St. John’s Wort, antihistamines and painkillers.

28 Try to stay healthy as illness can be a trigger.

29 Avoid going without sleep or sleeping too much.

30 Don’t deliberately make yourself go high.

31 Avoid fighting your depression or trying to avoid it.

32 Be careful when traveling in different time zones. Be aware of the changing seasons and when the clocks go forward/back.

33 Beware that you and those around you may really enjoy your mania and hypomania.

Help!

34 Don’t try to tough it out on your own.

35 Get help as soon as you start getting symptoms.

36 Find a good GP.

37 Get a diagnosis.

38 Communicate with your treatment provider.

39 Take an advocate or loved one with you to appointments.

40 Keep appointments.

41 Don’t skip medication. Take your medication as prescribed.

42 Know the side effects of your medication.

43 Write a list of pros and cons about your medication.

44 Be patient.

45 Get talking therapy.

46 Manage your expectations – there is no magic bullet.

47 Find support support services outside of the medical profession.

48 Be your own advocate.

49 Tell your doctor as soon as you can if you become pregnant and keep in touch with them throughout your term. Some medications are not suitable for pregnant women.

50 Be wary of quick fixes, self help, spiritual and alternative therapies.

Do The Right Thing

51 Try to get the same good amount of sleep every night.

52 Avoid working late or early shifts.

53 Create a good night time routine.

54 Create a good morning routine.

55 Make your bedroom a relaxing place.

56 Give yourself a time out.

57 Create whatever routines you need to get you through the day.

58 Practice meditation or mindfulness.

59 Learn relaxation techniques.

60 If you’re stuck on something don’t force yourself to do it.

61 Don’t hide your feelings.

62 Don’t try to change the way you feel.

63 Have a balanced diet, including Omega 3s and vitamin B rich foods.

64 Go outside at least a couple of times a week.

65 Exercise.

66 Be boring.

67 Take up a hobby.

68 Wash yourself.

69 Relax.

70 Balance work with more enjoyable activities.

71 Find alternatives to self harm.

72 Make your homelife as stable as possible.

73 Don’t avoid people.

74 Cry when you feel like it.

75 Love helps.

76 Breathe.

A Cunning Plan

77 Make a list of symptoms and a plan of action for your family, partner and friends.

78 Plan for mania.

79 Plan for depression.

80 Ask for extra help from family and friends.

81 Make a list of emergency contacts, all medications you are taking, including dosage information and information about any other health problems you have.

82 Make a list of symptoms that you feel would indicate that others need to take responsibility for your care and who those people should be.

83 Decide who is authorised to make decisions on your behalf and inform your doctors.

Straight Talking

84 Find somebody you can talk to about it.

85 Get talking therapy.

86 Tell your story – keep a diary or blog.

87 Join a support group.

88 Connect with people.

89 Ask a loved one to check in with you regularly.

90 Meet new people by taking a class or joining a club.

91 Don’t take it personally if people don’t understand or seem uninterested.

Keep Going

92 You are not alone.

93 Don’t beat yourself up.

94 Don’t apologise for having bipolar.

95 Personal responsibility. Take ownership of your illness.

96 Never think the illness defines you.

97 Don’t underestimate the danger.

98 Remember that it can get better.

99 Remember that one in four people have mental health issues.

100 Don’t give up.

This article was originally posted on The Bipolar Codex