Month: September 2013

Taking Control of Your LIfe

10 Mindfulness Techniques You Can Start Using Today

by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment on 10 Mindfulness Techniques You Can Start Using Today

IMG_148084419922650Most of us spend a lot of time feeling pain, guilt or regret about our past and anxiety about our future. We can get so wrapped up in this past and future thinking that we don’t even enjoy the present moment we are living in.

Mindfulness is a form of self-awareness that helps brings us back to the present moment. It is taken from mindfulness meditation which is based on Buddhist meditation principles. It the past decade or so it has become very popular, especially as part of dialectical behavior training which has been successful in treating borderline personality disorders.

The basics of mindfulness helps us to pay attention to the present moment and disengage from the mental clutter and chatter that is almost always filling our minds.

How many times have you found yourself at a party, in a meeting, on a date even playing with your kids and yet while you are physically there, mentally you are somewhere else. You are in your head, dwelling on your past, thinking about the future and not living in that very moment. We have so much going on in our lives today that it’s hard to live in the present.

We are with our spouses, but thinking about everything we have to do at work tomorrow so we aren’t really hearing what they are saying or we are doing a task we do regularly, but are just going through the motions and not really paying attention to what we are doing (which is one reason accidents happen).

I have to admit that there have been many times when listening to a client that my mind will wonder. I’ll start thinking about my past, I’ll start thinking about what I have to do later that day and before I realize it, I’ve missed a good portion of what that client was talking about (it’s bad I know, but it happens… therapist are human too). I have to fight with myself sometimes to stay in the present, to not allow the clutter and chatter in my brain to take me anywhere else, but to remain in the here and now which takes practice.

As a matter of fact, during group therapy, being in the present and being mindful are two of my 10 rules. Often times when one group member is talking, some of the others will drift off to their own issues, their own regrets over the past and anxieties about the future to the point that they can’t offer support and encouragement to the group member who was speaking because mentally they weren’t there.

Here I’ve listed 10 ways to help you start being more mindful and to start living in and enjoying the present moment today.

  1. One Minute exercise: sit in front of a clock or look at your watch for exactly one minute and focus all of your attention only on your breathing and nothing else. Sounds simple, but your mind will tend to rebel and try to fill itself with all kinds of past and future thoughts. Resist it, focus simply on your breathing for one minute. Once you have this down pat you can start extending it by another minute up to five minutes or even longer!

  2. Take a shower. Showers can be relaxing and can be a mini vacation away from everything and everyone else. Feel free to use your imagination and picture yourself standing under a tropical waterfall.
  3. Speaking of water, sticking your hand in some warm water and concentrating on the sensation on your skin is not only a great way to bring you back to the present, but it is also helpful for de-stressing because it brings your brain a sense of comfort. If you aren’t near any warm water try rubbing your hands together to get a similar affect.
  4. Listen to music, calming music preferably and music you’re not familiar with is best, but really listen to it, not just the words, but the sounds of the instruments and the rhythm of the beat. Even familiar music can sound new again when you truly are present with it.

  5. Mindful Eating: Most of the time when we eat, we aren’t really paying attention to what we are doing. We are distracted by our mind, the television or anything else. In mindful eating, you sit down with no distractions, paying full attention to every bite you select and put into your mouth being aware of its color, how it smells, how it taste, the different textures, how it feels in your mouth. You may be surprised at how your food actually tastes different once you slow down and focus on it and possibly, how little of it you actually need to fill full. If trying this for an entire meal is too hard, try doing it for the first two bites of each meal.

  6. Mindful Walking: This is similar to mindful eating accept you take a walk and allow yourself to only focus on what is happening right now. How the ground feels beneath your feet, how the wind and/or sun feels on your skin, on how the leaves look and sound on the trees, even observing other people. It’s also good to pay attention to your breathing as you walk to help keep you present and centered.
  7. The acronym R.A.I.N. is used to describe a more advanced technique for when you are feeling unpleasant emotions where “R” stands for recognizing when a strong emotions is present, “A” is to acknowledge the emotion (instead of denying or running from it), “I” is to investigate where the feeling is coming from by checking in with your mind, body and feelings, and “N” is to non-identify with what’s there, meaning to not allow the emotion to define you or control you, but to understand that it is just another passing emotion that doesn’t have to control you. RAIN is about staying with your emotions and then letting them go, not dwelling on them or doing things to try to escape them, but acknowledging them and then allowing them to leave. It can be challenging to stay with your emotions and still let them go which is why this and the next technique are both considered advanced, but once you practice and can use them effectively, they can be life changing.
  8. Most of the time before we know it, our minds are racing, we are thinking about the past, the future, anxious, and just going through the motions of our daily routine. This is when we need to find time to S.T.O.P. which means to Stop what you are doing, if only for a minute, Take a breath and pay attention to your breathing, allowing it to flow in through your nose deeply and out through your mouth fully. You can try imagining breathing in a cloud through your nose and blowing it back out through your mouth. Observe your thoughts, feelings and emotions. Know that you can observe them, but they are just thoughts, feelings and emotions, that doesn’t make them facts they are not permanent. Often times recognizing, observing and letting thoughts, feelings and emotions go will work much faster than any psychotropic medication can in alleviating anxiety and depression. Lasting proceed with something supportive and positive such as talking with a friend or exercising.
  9. Un-tunnel your vision. A lot of times when we are stressed it’s because we are focusing on a single point that eliminates or obscures all other options. Try extending your arms all the way out until you form a “T” and then wiggle your fingers. Slowly bring your arms back in until your fingers are insight and then extend them again. Repeat this. Playing with your peripheral vision can help your brain to remember to expand and to remember that their are other options and possibilities other than that single point it’s currently focusing on that’s causing you stress.
  10. Come up with your own ways to be mindful and in the here and now! There are so many different ways we can practice being in the moment and there is no better way than finding something that works best for you.

A lot of our discomfort comes from worrying about the future and beating ourselves up about the past, but the past is gone and the future has not happened yet. Living happens in the moment we are in right now so taking some time to remember that and appreciate the present will definitely make our entire life experience richer.

Abnormal Psychology, Taking Control of Your LIfe, Therapist are Humans Too

Sensitive People: Absorbing Other People Emotions

by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment on Sensitive People: Absorbing Other People Emotions

Teenage girl looking thoughtful about troublesI’m highly sensitive to other people emotions and energy. I have been for probably all of my life, but it is something I have just become aware of in the past few years. I can be having a good day, feeling happy and all it can take is an interaction without someone close to me, to bring me down.

When I discovered this sensitivity, it was quite alarming. It seemed like my mood and even the way I felt about myself were dependent on how the people around me were feeling and even how they felt towards me at that moment. You can imagine the amount of stress, anxiety and uncertainty it would cause me and often times I didn’t understand why. Looking back I think I thought that they’re mood and feelings had something to do with me. It took a lot of introspection before I realized a few things:

  1. Rarely if ever did the other persons mood, feelings or behavior have absolutely anything to do with me and,
  2. I can not control other people’s feelings.

A large part of it boiled down to control. I wanted everyone around me to be happy, to like me, to treat me the way I would treat them, and when they didn’t, I automatically assumed it was my fault and whatever joy or happiness I had would go away and turn into either self-blame, dysthymia or anger, especially when the people were close to me such as a girlfriend or close friend.

It took a long time for me to start working on not allowing other people emotions to affect mine, and honestly it is something I still struggle with on nearly a daily basis. Some days are better than others and when I do find myself losing my inner peace to someone else’s energy, I get discouraged because I know it’s not about me and that I can’t control their emotions nor should I allow them to have power over mine.

I learned however that if I beat myself up too bad for allowing someone to move me from my inner peace, I end up doing more emotional harm than good because I become negative towards myself for being “weak” or even “stupid” (negative self-talk never helps and is almost always a recipe for increased anxiety and depression).

I’m starting to realize that one way to stop giving so much power to other people over my emotions is by not expecting things from them that they can not give me, such as unconditional love, unconditional positive regard or fulfilling any of my various needs that can only be filled by me and God. By not expecting those needs to be met by others I have taken back much of my power, but still at times, it’s a struggle just like when trying to undo any bad habit physically or mentally.

Some Negatives to Being Hypersensitive

As I stated above, being hypersensitive to other people emotions makes it very easy to be affected by others emotions, usually not for the better. This can be very draining and overwhelming and can easily lead to anxiety and depression. This can cause us to withdraw so that we can process and deal with our emotions, which other people may not understand and take it negatively that we need time and space alone, especially since we live in a culture that devalues sensitivity. Lastly, hypersensitive people may have unrealistic expectations of perfectionism towards themselves (i.e., everyone is supposed to like me).

Some Positives About Being Hypersensitive

Just like most things that are negative, there are of course positive things about being hypersensitive emotionally. I think evolutionarily it helps us to pick up slight shifts in someones temperament or even the energy around us. I’ve been in rooms where everyone around me was talking, yet no one noticed the sudden shift in tension, or how someone else became emotional, angry or nervous during a certain topic. I would sometimes leave those situations knowing more about a person I didn’t even talk to just by watching the subtle changes in their expressions.

I think being hypersensitive to other people emotions help me to be more in touch with my own emotions. I’m always amazed at how many people aren’t in touch with their emotions and as a counselor, often it’s my job to help them to get in touch with their true emotions so that they can start living a real, authentic life. We hide from our emotions, mask our emotions (even from ourselves) and often don’t know why we feel or act in certain ways because we are not used to being in touch with that part of us. Hypersensitive people are almost always, sometimes neurotically checking in with their thoughts and emotions.

I think being hypersensitive also leads to being more creative, to being able to express ones emotions more through music, art, dance, poetry and writing for example. It also makes us more empathetic to others which in the field of mental health is a must.

Some Tips for Hypersensitive People

  1. You have to recognize and acknowledge that you are absorbing other people emotions. I’ve been doing it for years and until I actually realized it, I wasn’t doing anything different to try to stop it.
  2. When you start feeling a certain way after an encounter with someone, ask yourself if what you are feeling is really your emotion or theirs. You’ll be surprised to find out that most of the time it’s not yours and if it’s theirs then immediately release it. This alone will make you feel better most of the time.
  3. Remember that you are not responsible for nor can you control other people emotions so don’t worry over it because in doing so, you’ll just be absorbing it into your own emotional state.
  4. Identify what/who is making you feel a certain way and try to distance yourself if you can. If you can’t, go back through steps 1 to 3. Sometimes it’s a particular friend or group of coworkers that are the main source. Putting some distance between you and them can help alleviate the problem.
  5. When you start to feel overwhelmed by other people emotions, even if you can’t get away, try mindfulness or deep breathing techniques to help bring you back to your own inner peace.
  6. Speaking of inner peace, always try to work on building up your own inner peace by being good to yourself, exercising, eating right, maintaining good emotional, physical and mental health and surrounding yourself with people who bring you good and positive energy. BE GOOD TO  YOURSELF!

Being hypersensitive to other people emotions is both a gift and a curse, but look at it like a power that you have to master so that you are in control of your emotions and able to use all of the positive qualities that come along with being sensitive to other people emotions.

 

Abnormal Psychology, Popular Psychology

The Face of Mental Illness

by Torey C. Richards, LMHC3 Comments on The Face of Mental Illness

girl-in-shadows-istockI love working in a psychiatric hospital because it’s rarely boring. The type of people who come through the door are everyday people, no different from you or me, it’s just that what they are dealing with at the time is more than they or most likely any of us can handle.

I remember when I first started working here, a senior co-worker said that the only thing separating us from the patients is that we have the keys that let us in and out.

That’s one reason customer service, even in a mental hospital is so important. We strive on treating everyone, no matter what their circumstances or mental state, fairly and therapeutically because you never know when we or one of our family members or friends will end up in a place like this and it’s fairly easy.

Say the “magic words” to the right person and you may find yourself involuntarily hospitalized. Have an over exaggerated emotional or behavioral reaction and you may end up placed in a mental hospital to help you calm down.

Since I’ve been here I’ve seen correction officers, police officers, teachers, college students, professional athletes, lawyers, daughters of politicians, doctors, nurses and business owners come through our doors under involuntary hospitalization statuses.

People are placed here everyday who feel like they shouldn’t be and some may very well not be, but the majority at least need a cool down period.

For example, last week a college student got into a fight with his girlfriend and someone reported he threatened to kill himself. He denied does accusations, but he was emotionally upset enough that law enforcement thought it was best that he was brought here for his safety and the safety of those around him.

Now that he was here he didn’t want to be here and wanted to leave. He kept trying to convince me and everyone that he didn’t need to be here, but in doing so, he was getting more and more upset and therefore appearing more and more like he needed to be here for his safety and those around him.

I kept trying to talk to him and tell him that if he truly didn’t think he should be hospitalized then he needed to be calm and relaxed, otherwise he was risking looking like every other patient in the hospital who truly needed to be there.

However, he was so agitated and insistent on leaving that we had to place him on an elopement risk which lessened the chance of him being released sooner than he would have been otherwise.

When people think of the patients in a mental hospital, they almost automatically get an image in their head as if mental illness has a face. Those of us who work in the field or know someone or are ourselves suffering from a mental illness know that this couldn’t be further from the truth.

This morning I spoke with the mother of one of our patients who just graduated with an advanced degree and has an extremely high IQ, but has a long history of bipolar disorder and hasn’t been on her medication in over a year.

This is a beautiful young lady who was found sitting outside naked, stating that her old self had died and given birth to her new self with a new name she was calling herself by and a new age. She also believed she had God like powers.

Here at the hospital, for the most part, this young lady was selectively mute and at times appeared catatonic. We even had to carry and pose her limp body at one point when we had to transport her to another part of our facility.

She was definitely in need of some medication to help her start getting back to her “normal” self.

I was really hoping to speak with her, I throughly enjoy talking to people who both have a long history of mental illness and the ability and awareness to really talk about it and analyze their experiences, but she wasn’t speaking to anyone, so I spoke with her mother for a while about her history of treatment and tried to help calm her mother’s fears about her daughter’s recent deterioration.

This young lady reminds me that mental illness is all around us and it’s nothing to be ashamed of or to run from. Sometimes it’s in your face like the guy talking to himself while begging for change or it’s wrapped in the package of a pretty grad school graduate who on most days could hold the most intellectual conversations, but today she’s just staring into out of space unresponsive to the world around her.

 

Popular Psychology

Treatment Of The Mentally Ill In A War Torn Country

by Torey C. Richards, LMHC3 Comments on Treatment Of The Mentally Ill In A War Torn Country

706x410q70simon-somalia-subbedMThe other day I was reading a very interesting article about how mentally ill people are treated in Somalia where they have one of the highest numbers of mentally ill people in the world.

Somalia is a country that’s been plagued by war, famine and disease for decades. As a result, at least 1 out of 3 of their 10 million citizens are affected with a mental illness, including many former soldiers, some who joined various armies and fractions at as early as 7 years old and are suffering from post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

On top of all this, a very large number of the population uses a drug called Khat, which is a plant that you can chew and it causes psychedelic effects. It’s legal and addicting although it can cause both health and mental damage.

Things are further complicated for the mentally ill in Somalia because of the lack of qualified mental health professionals. Many of the mental health workers in Somalia have only received 3 months of training through the World Health Organization (WHO), which is advocating for the humane and proper treatment of the mentally ill in Somalia and worldwide.

WHO officials have rescued mentally ill people from some very poor conditions. Families who have mentally ill family members in Somalia often don’t know what to do or where to turn for help so they chain them to beds in the house or to trees in the yard, including one lady who was chained by her husband to a tree for eight years and gave birth to three children.

Faith and folklore also play a role in treating the mentally ill in Somalia, with individuals sometimes being flogged to get rid of the “evil spirits”, locked in a room with a hyena for three day stretches in hopes that the hyena would eat away the “evil spirits”, or simply just beaten to death by villagers.

The streets of Mogadishu, Somalia’s capital, are littered with the mentally ill sleeping under bridges or wandering around aimlessly chewing on Khat. Most of these individuals are suffering from some sort of mental trauma and are receiving no help.

Something that makes this story even sadder is that Somalia’s only trained psychiatrist died last year in a car crash. It’s one thing to have one psychiatrist in a country of 10 million people, but when that person dies and there is no one else to take their place, the fate of the mentally ill seems that much dimmer.

A lot of money is going into rebuilding Somalia and helping with diseases like HIV, TB and diarrhea, but not enough funding is going into helping the mentally ill.

I can only imagine that it will be nearly impossible to build a stronger country, economically, educationally and health wise, if such a large portion of the population is suffering from mental trauma.

Where will these workers come from? How can they function if they are suffering from a mental illness without being treated? How will the children who are suffering learn and grow up to be productive citizens?

This is only a snap shot about mental illness in a third world, war torn country and similar terrible conditions are played out everyday around the world.

Hearing about these deplorable conditions initially made me wish I could go to Somalia to help out, but I realized that it also makes me want to advocate even stronger for the rights and proper treatment of the mentally ill here in the United States and across the world through education, information and community service.