30 Creative Ways to Care for Your Mental Health

4 Sep 2025by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

Resilience isn’t about never breaking. It’s about learning how to piece yourself back together in new and meaningful ways. Sometimes the best medicine for the mind is a spark of creativity. Here are 30 habits you can try, each designed to help you process stress, build confidence, and rediscover joy.

1. Reframe the Story

Instead of “I failed,” try “This was a plot twist that will shape my growth.” Research on cognitive reframing shows it reduces anxiety and fosters resilience.

2. Journal in Metaphors

Describe your day as a storm, a song, or a painting. Metaphors activate creative brain regions, making it easier to process tough emotions.

3. Build a Resilience Playlist

Music therapy studies show that songs tied to positive memory can quickly boost mood. Create a playlist that grounds and uplifts you.

4. Doodle Your Stress

Scribbles, shapes, and sketches can release tension. Neuroscience confirms that drawing reduces cortisol and slows heart rate. You don’t have to be an artist to do this. We are striving for relaxation, not perfection!

5. Take a Wonder Walk

Notice five things you’ve never seen before in a familiar space. This practice sparks awe, which is linked to lower inflammation and greater well-being.

6. Create a Safe Space Corner

A chair, blanket, candle, or plant can become a ritual space for calm. Environmental cues signal the body to shift into rest mode.

7. Write to Your Future Self

Pen a letter from the “you” who already made it through. This technique builds hope and perspective.

8. Turn Pain Into Poetry

Even raw, imperfect lines give language to feelings that otherwise stay trapped. Poetry has been shown to support emotional regulation.

9. Move With Music

Dance or sway freely. Movement plus rhythm lowers stress hormones and stimulates endorphins.

10. Collect Symbols of Strength

Carry a stone, coin, or photo that reminds you of endurance. These small anchors create psychological safety.

11. Sketch Your Problem

Imagine your stress as a cartoon character and exaggerate it. Humor and art reduce its power.

12. Practice Micro-Kindness

Leave a sticky note of encouragement for someone. Altruism improves mood and lowers depression risk.

13. Change Your Scenery

A simple shift: working in sunlight, moving your desk, refreshes perspective and motivation.

14. Use Colors for Emotions

Assign a color to sadness, joy, or anger. Express it through paint, collage, or clothing choice.

15. Tell Your Story Out Loud

Sharing experiences with trusted listeners validates feelings and prevents isolation.

16. Rewrite Your Ending

When painful memories replay, imagine a new outcome where you stand strong. Visualization rewires emotional memory.

17. Plant Something

Watching a seed grow offers proof that small actions create change. Gardening is linked to lower depression and higher life satisfaction.

18. Cook a New Recipe

Trying new flavors engages the senses and builds confidence through mastery.

19. Make a Ritual

Light a candle before journaling, stretch before bed, or sip tea before work. Rituals signal the brain that it’s safe to rest or focus.

20. Visualize a Mentor

Imagine advice from a supportive figure, real or imagined. Guided imagery boosts confidence and decision-making.

21. Sing in the Shower

Singing stimulates the vagus nerve, calming the body’s stress response.

22. Try Mindful Photography

Capture textures, patterns, or shadows. Mindful photography builds presence and reduces ruminative thinking.

23. Write a Gratitude Collage

Collect images or words that remind you what still sustains you. Gratitude practices improve sleep and optimism.

24. Celebrate Small Wins

Draw a star on your calendar or treat yourself when you accomplish a step. This fuels motivation through dopamine release.

25. Ask: “If I Couldn’t Fail…”

Creative problem-solving opens new paths. Research shows this mindset reduces learned helplessness.

26. Use Music as Medicine

Match your playlist to your current mood, then shift gradually upward to influence emotional state.

27. Build a Comfort Toolkit

A box with grounding items such as a journal, tea, photos, affirmations, creates instant support on hard days.

28. Tell Stories With Humor

Laugh with a friend about small struggles. Humor strengthens resilience and social connection.

29. Practice Awe Journaling

Write down one moment of awe each day: the sky, a kind gesture, a child’s laugh. Awe increases humility and well-being.

30. Express Gratitude Creatively

Write a thank-you letter in rhyme or record a voice message. Creative gratitude deepens its impact.

Back to School Blues & Breakthroughs: Helping Kids (and Parents) Adjust with Grace

5 Aug 20255 Aug 2025by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

As a parent of a very soon to be second and seventh grader, I know that back-to-school season always brings a mix of emotions, excitement, nerves and even dread for both children and their caregivers. Whether your child is starting kindergarten, entering middle school, or stepping into their final year of high school, transitions like these can stir up anxiety, uncertainty, and behavioral shifts. As a parent, it’s easy to focus on school supplies and schedules, but what’s just as important if not more, is preparing their emotional backpack too.

Let’s talk about how to help our kids adjust while keeping ourselves grounded in the process.

1. Normalize the Nerves

One of the most powerful tools we have is validation. If your child says they’re scared or nervous, resist the urge to talk them out of it. Instead, try saying:

“That makes sense. New things/change can feel a little scary sometimes.”

This lets them know they’re not broken for feeling that way and neither are you.

Try this: Share your own memories of being nervous before a school year started. Even a short story can make them feel seen.

2. Create Gentle Routines Early

Summer often brings late bedtimes, inconsistent meals, and a go-with-the-flow rhythm. I for one am embarrassed to admit that my own kids have had more screen time than what is recommended. While flexibility is beautiful, kids feel safer when they can predict what’s coming. Start reinstating routines a week or two before school starts. Sleep schedules, morning habits, and even simple rituals like “quiet time” after dinner can make the transition smoother.

Bonus tip: Let your child help co-create their new routine. Giving them some control builds confidence.

3. Watch for Anxiety in Disguise

Anxiety doesn’t always look like worry. For younger kids, it might show up as:

Headaches or stomachaches
Irritability or clinginess
Avoiding certain topics (like school)
Trouble sleeping

For older kids, you might see withdrawal, snapping at siblings, or insisting “I’m fine” when they clearly aren’t.

Support tip: Instead of pushing for answers, try inviting them into small moments of connection. Sometimes a walk, a car ride, or a quiet task like folding laundry opens up more space for them to talk.

4. Create Emotional Check-In Rituals

Try implementing a daily check-in: “Highs and lows of the day” at dinner, or a quick feelings chart in the morning. If your child isn’t verbal, encourage them to draw, pick emojis, or use colors to express how they’re doing.

5. Prepare Yourself, Too

Sometimes, it’s our own anxiety that gets stirred up when school starts. Maybe you worry about how your child will adjust, or feel guilt for not being as present as you’d like. Give yourself permission to name your feelings, too. Our kids don’t need perfection, they need presence.

Grounding prompt for you:

“What does my child actually need from me today, and how can I give that to them in a way that honors both of us?”

6. Back-to-School Toolkit

Here are a few practical tools to keep in your emotional toolkit this season:

Breathing exercises: Try “box breathing” together: inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 , exhale for 4 , hold for 4.
Mantras: Create a morning mantra together. Something like: “I am safe. I am strong. I can ask for help.”
Visual schedules: For younger kids, visual charts help them know what’s coming and feel more in control.
Reconnection time: After school, try 10 uninterrupted minutes of connection before diving into chores or homework.

Final Thoughts:

Back-to-school season isn’t just about pencils and planners, it’s a major emotional transition. But it can also be a season of growth, resilience, and connection if we approach it with curiosity and compassion. Whether your child is clinging to you at drop-off or giving you one-word answers after school, remember: their behavior is communication. And you’re not alone in figuring it out.

Let’s pack their bags with more than just supplies. Let’s fill them up with reassurance, love, and tools for navigating whatever this school year brings.

If this post resonated with you, feel free to share it with another parent or caregiver. We’re all in this together!

Taking Control of Your LIfe

Emotional Incest: When Parents Treat Their Kids Like Partners

25 Jun 2025by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

There’s a particular kind of wound that doesn’t leave visible scars. It’s not the kind you scream about or even know how to name until years later, usually in therapy or during a quiet moment of reflection. It’s when your parent made you their emotional partner, their rock, their confidant, long before you even knew how to spell the word confidant.

This isn’t about physical or sexual abuse. It’s about a subtle and often invisible boundary being crossed: emotional incest.

It happens when a parent leans too heavily on a child for emotional support, validation, or companionship in a way that disrupts that child’s development.

And the worst part?

To the outside world, it looks like love.

What Emotional Incest Looks Like

Your mom tells you everything.
Not just little things. Everything. Her problems at work. Her issues with your dad. Her fears. Her disappointments. She calls you her “best friend” or says, “You’re the only one I can really talk to.”

Or maybe your dad constantly talks about how lonely he is, how he doesn’t know what he’d do without you. He vents to you about his dating life. He needs you to cheer him up, to be strong for him.

It feels like love. It’s closeness.

But it’s not the right kind.

Why It’s So Damaging

Children aren’t supposed to be emotional caretakers.

They’re supposed to be… children.

But when you’re put in that role, it changes how you see relationships, yourself, and the world:

You grow up too fast.
You become hyper-aware of others’ emotions.
You feel guilty prioritizing yourself.
You often attract relationships where you play the caregiver role all over again.

And often, you carry a deep, unspoken grief.
Because while you were being someone else’s support system, no one was being yours.

How It Shows Up in Adults

Emotional incest doesn’t always look like trauma.

It shows up in subtle, painful ways:

Struggling to set boundaries
Feeling guilty when saying no
Becoming the “therapist” in all your relationships
Fear of abandonment if you stop being useful
Confusion about your own needs, wants, and identity

Sound familiar? That’s not just personality. That’s survival.

What Healing Looks Like

Healing starts with naming it.
Then:

Set boundaries – even if they feel unfamiliar or scary.
Reparent yourself – give your inner child the space to be cared for.
Seek support – from people who don’t need you, but see you.
Release guilt – for prioritizing your own needs.

And most of all, remember:
It was never your job to carry their pain.

You Deserved More

You deserved to be protected, not depended on.
You deserved to play, to rest, to mess up, and still be loved.
You deserved a childhood.

If no one told you that before, let me be the first:
It was never your job to hold it all together.

What You Can Do Now

Talk about this openly , even if your voice shakes.
Seek out spaces where you don’t have to be “the strong one.”
Give yourself permission to rest without earning it.

Join the Conversation

Have you ever experienced this?
How did it shape the way you love, trust, or care for others?

Drop your story in the comments. Let’s make this a safe space to unpack, release, and grow together.

You are not alone.

Taking Control of Your LIfe, Therapist are Humans Too

Navigating FOG: Understanding Fear, Obligation, and Guilt in Unhealthy Relationships

23 Jun 202530 Jul 2025by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

Recently, I was on the phone with a good friend of mine who is a Psychiatric ARNP and we were discussing relationships when she reminded me of the term FOG, something she was introduced to when attending an event featuring Dr. Anita Phillips.

In clinical practice, it’s not uncommon to encounter individuals who feel emotionally trapped in relationships where fear, obligation, and guilt—collectively known as FOG, heavily influence their decision-making. I’ve seen this dynamic surface time and time again, both in the lives of my clients and, if I’m honest, sometimes in my own.

The term FOG was introduced by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier in their work on emotional blackmail. It describes the psychological pressure people often experience when involved with individuals who may have features of a personality disorder, or who simply engage in manipulative behavior patterns. Understanding this concept is essential when working with clients navigating boundary-setting, relational conflict, or recovery from emotional abuse.

Defining FOG: Fear, Obligation, and Guilt

Fear is an adaptive survival response. It’s what prepares us to react quickly to threats. However, chronic fear, particularly fear rooted in emotional manipulation, can lead to long-term stress, anxiety, and difficulty making sound decisions.
Obligation is closely tied to our need for social belonging. Our natural desire to contribute to our community or maintain relationships can become a vulnerability when leveraged by someone seeking control.
Guilt is a normal emotional response to harming or disappointing others. But in the context of manipulation, guilt is often triggered when an individual resists complying with unreasonable demands. This can make even healthy boundary-setting feel selfish or wrong.

Clinical Examples of FOG Dynamics

FOG often shows up in relational patterns that may not seem immediately concerning but carry significant emotional weight:

A partner threatening self-harm if the relationship ends.
A parent shaming adult children for not participating in family events.
A child or adolescent using emotionally charged language (“you’ve ruined my life”) to pressure caregivers.
Colleagues misrepresenting group consensus to influence decisions.

These scenarios may initially appear like typical relational conflict but can signal chronic patterns of emotional coercion when sustained over time.

The Emotional Impact

Clients who live in persistent FOG environments often present with feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and powerlessness. Over time, these feelings can contribute to symptoms consistent with learned helplessness, a state where the individual believes that no action will improve their situation. This can lead to withdrawal, diminished self-efficacy, and difficulty trusting their own perceptions.

From my perspective as both a clinician and a human being, I can attest that navigating FOG is profoundly challenging. Even those with strong self-awareness can struggle to distinguish between legitimate relational responsibility and manipulation-induced obligation. The who reason my friend mentioned FOG was to point out to me some of the reasons I stayed in a toxic relationship way to long. I did it out of fear (of leaving), obligation (feeling responsible for that persons happiness) and guilt (over a past transgression).

How to Step Out of the FOG

Name It.
Awareness is power. When you can identify Fear, Obligation, or Guilt at play, you start to reclaim control.
Use the Internal Pause.
Before responding, take a breath and ask:
“Is this choice coming from a place of love or fear?”
Challenge the Narrative.
Ask yourself:
“What would I say to a friend in this situation?”
That lens can help you cut through distorted beliefs.
Set Boundaries with Clarity, Not Shame.
Saying no doesn’t make you cold. Taking care of yourself isn’t betrayal—it’s self-respect.
Get Support.
Whether it’s a therapist, a support group, or trusted friend, healing from FOG often requires safe, validating spaces where you’re not being gaslit or guilt-tripped.

Clinical Recommendations: What Helps

When working with clients (and even in personal reflection), several approaches can support FOG recovery:

Psychoeducation: Learning about personality disorders and emotional manipulation can empower individuals to understand the patterns they’re experiencing. I personally had to read a book on borderline personality disorders in order to get out of a toxic relationship with a former girlfriend.
Boundary Work: Clients often benefit from structured boundary-setting exercises that help them regain a sense of control without falling into emotional reactivity.
Support Systems: Encouraging clients to build networks outside of the manipulative relationship provides a necessary reality check and emotional grounding.
Cognitive Techniques: Teaching clients to pause and apply rational, logical thinking to emotional decisions can help them break the cycle of fear-based responses.
Values-Based Decision Making: Guiding clients to align their actions with their core values, rather than reactive emotions, can help them move toward healthier relational patterns.
Safety Planning: In cases of emotional abuse or high-stakes manipulation, helping clients develop clear safety plans, including the removal of themselves and dependents from harmful environments, is critical.

Final Thoughts

FOG can cloud judgment, erode confidence, and trap individuals in unhealthy relational loops. A a clinicians, it’s my role to help illuminate the pathways out through education, validation, and skill-building.

I’ve seen first-hand how challenging it can be to untangle fear, obligation, and guilt from genuine connection and responsibility. But I’ve also seen people, including myself, find their way out of the fog with support, patience, and compassionate guidance.

If you find yourself walking this path, know that clarity is possible. The fog does lift.

Bed Rotting and Gen Z: A Trend, A Statement, or A Cry for Help?

25 Sep 202324 Sep 2023by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

Tucked away in the algorithm-driven corners of TikTok, Twitter (or should I say “X”), and Instagram, there’s a phenomenon gaining traction, especially among Gen Z: “bed rotting.” But what is it about this act that resonates so deeply with today’s youth? Is it a passing trend, a form of silent protest, or a deeper sign of the times?

Diving into Bed Rotting

For the uninitiated, bed rotting is the act of lying in bed for prolonged periods, not due to illness or physical fatigue, but often driven by emotional or mental states. While older generations might dismiss it as sheer laziness or a lack of ambition, the reality is far more nuanced.

Why Gen Z?

This generation, armed with technology from a young age, has seen the world in ways no previous generation has. From global crises to the rise of influencer culture, their worldview is unique. So, why is bed rotting becoming a “thing” among them?

Overwhelm & Digital Burnout: Gen Z is the first generation to grow up fully immersed in the digital world. While this brings unparalleled connectivity, it also brings information overload, comparison culture, and a sense of never truly “switching off”.
Protest Against Hustle Culture: Recently I wrote a blog post about Hustle Culture. For a generation witnessing the fallout of relentless hustle, bed rotting can be seen as an act of rebellion. A silent protest against the “always-on” mentality.
Mental Health Awareness: Unlike previous generations, Gen Z is more vocal about mental health. Bed rotting can be both an expression of mental exhaustion and a plea for understanding.
Isolation in Connectivity: Ironically, in an era of global connection, many feel isolated. Physical interactions have been replaced with likes, shares, and retweets. The bed becomes a safe cocoon against the paradox of feeling alone in a crowded digital space.

Beyond the Trend: Implications & Understandings

Bed rotting, whether a conscious act or subconscious retreat, has tangible implications:

Physical Health: Extended periods in bed can lead to health issues, from muscle weakening to sleep disturbances.
Mental Well-being: While it might start as a retreat, prolonged bed rotting can exacerbate feelings of isolation, anxiety, and depression.

Breaking the Cycle

Understanding is the first step. If Gen Z’s bed rotting is a statement, then it’s one we should listen to. Solutions can be multi-faceted:

Open Conversations: Encourage open dialogues about feelings without judgment. Sometimes, understanding the “why” can pave the way for change.
Digital Detox: Encourage breaks from the online world. Rediscover offline hobbies and passions.
Redefine Success: Challenge the traditional narratives of success and achievement. It’s okay to have days of rest and reflection.
Professional Help: If bed rotting becomes chronic, consider seeking therapeutic interventions.

Conclusion

For Gen Z, bed rotting isn’t just a trend; it’s a statement. It’s an embodiment of their experiences in a world that’s both incredibly connected and profoundly isolating. Recognizing it as such allows us to approach the phenomenon with empathy, offering support and understanding rather than judgment.

Hustle Culture: The Glorification of Burnout and the Quest for Balance

24 Sep 2023by Torey C. Richards, LMHC1 Comment

The saying goes, “Rise and grind.” Every day, social media feeds are flooded with motivational quotes urging us to hustle harder, push further, and never rest until our dreams are realized. Welcome to the era of “Hustle Culture” – a modern societal phenomenon that glorifies ceaseless work as the path to success. But at what cost?

Defining Hustle Culture

Hustle culture is the societal norm that promotes an obsession with relentless work. It’s the notion that every moment not spent working towards a goal is a moment wasted. Overnight success, according to this culture, is a myth. Instead, success is seen as the fruit of sleepless nights, sacrificed weekends, and an unwavering commitment to the “grind.”

The Rise of the Hustle

Several factors have contributed to the rise and popularity of hustle culture:

Social Media & Comparison: Platforms like Instagram and LinkedIn often showcase highlight reels of individuals’ lives, leading others to feel they’re lagging behind and need to hustle more to catch up.
Economic Pressure: In an era of rising living costs, many feel the pressure to side-hustle just to make ends meet.
Entrepreneurial Dream: Stories of tech billionaires and startup successes have fueled the desire for entrepreneurship, often seen as a path that demands unyielding hustle.

The Downside of the Grind

While hard work is undeniably essential for success, the relentless push advocated by hustle culture can have negative effects:

Burnout: Working incessantly without breaks can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion. Burnout can manifest as fatigue, irritability, and reduced performance.
Mental Health Issues: The constant pressure to perform and achieve can lead to heightened stress, anxiety, and even depression.
Lost Personal Time: Family, friendships, and personal hobbies can suffer when every moment is dedicated to the hustle.
Physical Health Neglect: Sacrificing sleep, eating quick unhealthy meals, and lacking consistent physical activity can lead to a myriad of health issues.

Finding a Balanced Approach

Success doesn’t and shouldn’t come at the cost of well-being. It’s possible to be productive and driven without succumbing to the extremes of hustle culture:

Set Clear Boundaries: Whether it’s logging off by a certain time or taking weekends to rejuvenate, setting boundaries is essential.
Quality Over Quantity: Focus on task efficiency rather than hours worked. Being productive for a few focused hours can be more beneficial than scattered efforts throughout the day.
Listen to Your Body: Rest is not a sign of weakness; it’s a requirement for sustained effort. Sleep, relaxation, and leisure activities recharge the mind and body.
Seek Support: Build a supportive community around you. Talk about pressures with friends, family, or professionals who can provide perspective.
Redefine Success: Remember that everyone’s journey is unique. Your measure of success doesn’t have to mirror someone else’s Instagram feed.

Conclusion

Hustle culture, with its seductive promise of success and recognition, has its merits. There’s no denying the value of dedication, commitment, and hard work. However, a balance is crucial. Embracing a more holistic view of success—one that includes well-being, joy, and contentment—can pave the way for a more fulfilling, healthy, and sustainable life journey.

In an age that often equates busyness with worth, it’s essential to remember that our value isn’t solely determined by our output. Taking a step back from the grind, every once in a while, might just be the real key to finding a meaningful life.

Taking Control of Your LIfe

The Seven-Year Itch: Myth, Reality, or Just a Passing Phase?

15 Sep 2023by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

The iconic scene of Marilyn Monroe standing over a subway grate, her white dress billowing around her, isn’t just an unforgettable image from Hollywood’s golden era. It’s a cultural reference to a phenomenon many couples fear: the seven-year itch. But is this itch real, or just a figment of Hollywood’s imagination? Let’s peel back the layers on this relationship concept and see what the fuss is all about.

What Exactly is the Seven-Year Itch?

Coined in the 1955 film of the same name, the “seven-year itch” alludes to a decline in happiness around the seventh year of a relationship, but especially a marriage. It suggests that at this point, partners may feel a sense of restlessness, leading to doubts and temptations outside the relationship.

The Reality Behind the Number

While ‘seven’ is a catchy number (and makes for a great movie title), research shows the concept is a bit more complicated than the film suggests. Some studies propose that marital satisfaction dips not at year seven, but earlier, around years three to four, when the challenges of child-rearing often arise. For others, it might come later. The point is, there’s no universally fixed timeline for relationship ruts.

The Itch Factors

Several factors might contribute to this so-called itch:

Routine and Monotony: The initial euphoria of love, termed the ‘honeymoon phase,’ can wane, giving way to the predictability of daily life.
Children: While they are bundles of joy, children also bring challenges. Sleepless nights, financial strain, and divided attention can take a toll.
Neglect: Partners may feel neglected or take each other for granted as time goes on.
External Temptations: Over time, individuals might feel the allure of new attractions or experiences outside their relationship.

Combating the Itch

The good news? An itch doesn’t mean the end. Here’s how to scratch it without tearing the fabric of the relationship:

Communication: Talk openly about feelings of restlessness or discontent. Recognizing the problem is the first step to addressing it.
Rekindle the Spark: Invest in date nights, take a vacation together, or try something new as a couple.
Seek Counseling: Professional therapy or couples’ counseling can offer tools and strategies to navigate rough patches.
Self-Reflection: Sometimes, the itch might be more about personal dissatisfaction than the relationship. Consider personal therapy or self-help resources.

Is It All Bad?

While the concept of the seven-year itch sounds negative, it’s not necessarily a disastrous sign. It might be an opportunity for growth, reflection, and a renewed commitment. Many couples emerge from these phases with a deeper understanding and appreciation for each other.

In Conclusion: To Itch or Not to Itch?

Relationships, like all living things, evolve. They have their seasons of spring-like romance and winter-like discontent. While the seven-year itch makes for catchy terminology (and iconic film moments), it’s essential to recognize that every relationship has its timeline. With understanding, communication, and effort, most itches can be soothingly scratched, leading to many more years of shared happiness.

“The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.” – Alexandra Penney

The Allure and Downfall of Doomscrolling

4 Sep 2023by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

In a world where the news cycle feels unending, and every refresh brings new tales of catastrophe, a peculiar yet entirely relatable behavior has emerged: doomscrolling. It’s midnight, you’re tucked into bed, but instead of drifting off to sleep, you find yourself trapped in a loop, endlessly scrolling through negative news. Sounds familiar? This phenomenon is often called “doomscrolling” and as innocent as it may appear it’s actuall affecting our mental well-being.

What is Doomscrolling?

Doomscrolling (or doomsurfing) describes the act of consuming a vast amount of negative online news, even though it’s upsetting or depressing. This compulsive need to constantly update oneself about the latest crises, tragedies, and anxieties of our time can have significant emotional consequences.

The Science Behind the Scroll

So, why do we doomscroll? On the surface, it seems counterintuitive. We’re hardwired to seek pleasure and avoid discomfort. Yet, when faced with a constant barrage of dire headlines, our brains become hooked. Here’s why:

Negativity Bias: Humans are evolutionarily predisposed to pay attention to negative stimuli. It was a survival mechanism – the more aware you were of potential threats, the more likely you were to survive.
The Need for Control: By staying updated, we might feel a sense of control over uncontrollable situations.
Endless Information Stream: Modern technology, with its endless news feeds and updates, makes it easier than ever to get lost in the scroll.

The Impact of Doomscrolling

Emotional Toll

A steady diet of doom and gloom can significantly impact our mental health. Persistent exposure to negative news can increase feelings of anxiety, sadness, and hopelessness. Over time, it can also lead to compassion fatigue, where individuals become indifferent to tragic news due to overexposure.

Physical Consequences

Doomscrolling, especially before bedtime, can disrupt our sleep patterns. The blue light emitted by screens can suppress melatonin production, making it harder to fall asleep. Moreover, the emotional toll taken by the negative news can also lead to restless sleep.

Social Implications

Our worldviews can become skewed if we’re constantly immersed in negative news. We might start to see the world as a more dangerous place than it actually is, leading to unnecessary fear and anxiety in our daily lives.

Breaking the Cycle of Doomscrolling

Awareness is the first step. Recognizing that you’re falling into a doomscrolling spiral is crucial. Here are some strategies to curb the habit:

Set Boundaries: Allocate specific times for news consumption. It can be helpful to avoid checking the news first thing in the morning or right before bed.
Limit Notifications: Turn off news notifications on your phone. This prevents the constant barrage of updates that can pull you into the doomscrolling cycle.
Curate Your Feed: Follow positive news outlets or accounts dedicated to uplifting content. Balance is key.
Digital Detox: Designate times where you unplug entirely. This could be an evening, a weekend, or even an hour during your day.
Engage in Positive Activities: Whenever you feel the urge to scroll, redirect your attention to activities that uplift you, such as reading a book, listening to music, or engaging in a hobby.

The Bigger Picture

In an age of information overload, it’s essential to remember that our media consumption habits play a significant role in shaping our perceptions, emotions, and overall well-being. While staying informed is important, it’s equally vital to ensure that our consumption patterns don’t negatively impact our mental health.

Conclusion

Doomscrolling, while a modern term, touches on age-old human behaviors and tendencies. In a world that feels increasingly uncertain, taking charge of our media habits can serve as a first step toward ensuring our emotional well-being. Remember, it’s okay to step back, breathe, and disconnect. Your mind will thank you.

Taking Control of Your LIfe

Phubbing: The Unseen Impact of Phone Snubbing on Our Social Lives

26 Jul 202324 Jul 2023by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

In the digital era, where smartphones are as ubiquitous as the air we breathe, a new phenomenon has emerged—’phubbing.’ Coined from the words ‘phone’ and ‘snubbing,’ phubbing is the act of ignoring someone in a social setting by busying oneself with a phone or other mobile device. This seemingly innocent act might have deeper impacts on our social lives and mental health than we might think.

Understanding Phubbing

Phubbing is more than just checking a text or taking a quick call when you’re with someone. It’s the continuous use of a mobile device in the presence of others, leading to a sense of distraction, disengagement, or neglect. It’s that moment when a dinner conversation comes to a halt because someone decides to scroll through their social media feed, or when a one-on-one meeting turns into a monologue because the other person is engrossed in their phone.

The Social Implications of Phubbing

Most of us at some points have been guilty of phubbing. I know I have. My girlfriend is probably the queen of phubbing and I find it super annoying and rude, yet it’s become some common that I see it all the time with other people in other social situations that it’s almost become the norm to see people’s faces buried in their phone screens instead of making eye contact with those around them.

While phubbing might seem harmless—after all, everyone uses their phones, right?—its impact on our social interactions is profound.

Damage to Relationships

In interpersonal relationships, phubbing can create a sense of disconnect and dissatisfaction. It sends a non-verbal message that the phone is more interesting or important than the person present. This can result in feelings of neglect, leading to conflicts and strain in relationships. As I said, my girlfriend is extremely guilty of this, but she has also called me out when she’s caught me doing it as well so it’s something i have to work on too.

Impact on Communication

Effective communication involves not only verbal cues but also non-verbal ones such as facial expressions, body language, and eye contact. Phubbing disrupts this communication dynamic, leading to misunderstandings and a lack of depth in conversations.

Influence on Social Behavior

As phubbing becomes more commonplace, it subtly alters our social norms. The perceived acceptability of phone use in social settings increases, leading to a cycle where phubbing begets more phubbing. Have you ever been in a situation where you are trying to be engaging but everyone else seems to be more into their phones, so you pull your phone out too? I know I have.

The Psychological Impact of Phubbing

Beyond its social implications, phubbing can also have adverse effects on mental health.

Lower Self-Esteem

Being on the receiving end of phubbing can cause a decline in self-esteem. When someone prioritizes their phone over our company, it can make us question our self-worth and value in that relationship.

Increased Feelings of Loneliness

Even though one might be physically present with others, phubbing can cause feelings of isolation and loneliness. This feeling can be even more pronounced in group settings where multiple individuals engage in phubbing.

Heightened Stress and Anxiety

Witnessing others engage in social media or other online activities while phubbing can lead to increased feelings of stress and anxiety, particularly if it triggers comparisons or fear of missing out (FOMO).

Addressing the Issue of Phubbing

Phubbing is a modern-day challenge that requires contemporary solutions. Here are a few strategies to tackle phubbing:

Digital Detox

Periodically disconnecting from digital devices can help individuals become more present in their real-world interactions. This doesn’t mean abandoning technology altogether but using it consciously and sparingly in social settings.

Setting Clear Boundaries

Creating ‘phone-free’ zones or times, like during meals or meetings, can help reduce phubbing. Make these expectations clear to everyone involved to foster mutual respect and engagement.

Leading by Example

Sometimes, the best way to encourage others to put their phones down is to lead by example. Show your friends, family, and colleagues that you prioritize their company over your phone.

Conclusion: Building Conscious Connectivity

Phubbing, despite being a product of our digital age, is a social issue at its core. It brings to light the need for mindful use of technology, particularly in social settings. By becoming more conscious of our tech habits, we can combat phubbing and foster more meaningful, engaging interactions. After all, our phones are meant to connect us, not isolate us from the people in our immediate vicinity.

We Need These Five Things To Find Well-being in Life

3 Mar 2023by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

The other day I took an interesting seminar on positive psychology and in particular, the PERMA Model. The PERMA Model was developed by positive psychologist, Martin Seligman. “PERMA” stands for the five elements he believes we need to have in our lives to experience lasting well-being and to flourish.

What Does PEMRA stand for anyway?

(P) Positive Emotion
In order for us to experience long lasting well-being we need to have positive emotions in our lives. Positive emotion can come from a variety of things such as having gratitude, being at peace, being satisfied, inspired, in love or having hope are just a few examples. Enjoying ourselves in the here and now is essential as long as we also have the other components of PERMA in place.
(E) Engagement
Think about when you are truly engaged in something you find interesting. It can be an activity, reading a book, watching a movie or working on a project. When we are truly engaged, we experience a since of flow where we lose our sense of self. Time seems to sit still, and we are engaged intensely on the present. It’s a beautiful thing. The more we experience this type of engagement, the more we will experience happiness and well-being. It’s important that we find things that allow us to experience this since of flow on a regular basis.
(R) Positive Relationships
Humans are social creatures and the more we have good, meaningful, positive relationships, the happier we tend to be. In order to achieve long-lasting well-being, it’s important that we have positive relationships. It doesn’t mean you have to be an extrovert or social butterfly. We all have our own unique ways of building and engaging in healthy relationships.
(M) Meaning
Meaning happens when we are doing something that is bigger than ourselves. This could be serving a religious or spiritual cause, a humanitarian cause or being a part of something that gives you a sense of purpose. Finding meaning in our lives help gives us a sense of well-being.
(A) Accomplishment/Achievement
Most of us want to grow and improve ourselves in some way. It could be learning a new skill, losing weight or challenging ourselves to get over a fear. Accomplishing things is important in helping us flourish and giving our lives a since of well-being. They can be small or big goals.

How to Use the PERMA Model in Your Life

Happiness can be an elusive goal and somethings we focus too much on trying to be happy when instead we should focus more on finding a sense of well-being and living a rich, meaningful life. We can do this by utilizing the PERMA model to start improving your lives.

Start by looking at your life. Look at what you already have that give you the five elements of PERMA. What can you do to improve those things if you already have them or to create them if you don’t?

Positive Emotions: Look for opportunities to have more positive emotions by looking at the people, things and events that bring you happiness. Find ways to bring some positive emotions and joy into your daily routine instead of waiting for the weekend or vacation time to feel enjoyment. It could be finding time to enjoy a cup of coffee in the morning or bringing in plants for your desk at work.

Engagement: Find ways to become engaged with the things you like. That can be a hobby or spending time with friends or working on a project. It can be your work If it brings you happiness. Try to find ways to limit distractions so that you can get into a state of flow. Find activities that make you feel engaged and happy.

Positive Relationships: Do you have enough positive relationships in your life? It could be with friends, family or co-workers. Many of us spend most of our waking hours at work so it may be important to build quality work relationships. Outside of work is just as important. If you can work on improving your current relationships than do it. Commit to spending more time with a friend or family member on a regular basis. Often times we are all busy with our individual lives, but It takes effort to connect and strengthen relationships. If however you don’t have any positive relationships don’t waste too much time trying to build something that isn’t there or worse, something that is toxic. Be open to building new positive relationships with people that make you feel good.

Meaning: Do you feel like you’re connected to something bigger than you? You can get that feeling from your work, your hobbies, charities or your religious or spiritual connections. Finding meaning is important to our sense of well-being and we can find that by performing acts of kindness, being part of a group, volunteering or even just being connected more with those close to us.

Accomplishments/Achievement
Are you devoting enough time to achieving and accomplishing your goals and dreams? Identify what it is you want to accomplish in life. You don’t have to start with huge goals, but you can start with small ones and each time you achieve one, celebrate, even if it’s by yourself and privately. Accomplishing things help us feel fulfilled and increasing our sense of well-being.

For more information on PERMA check out “Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being” by Martin E. P. Seligman. Published by Free Press, 2011.