Often men, good men who are emotionally available when so many other men are emotionally unavailable find themselves thrown into the role of being an emotional tampon by the women they care about.
According to Urbandictionary.com, an emotional tampon is “a role taken on by a man in a ‘just friends’ male/female relationship. An emotional tampon is a man who will always be there to provide a woman with the proverbial ‘shoulder to cry on’ or some other outlet for her to otherwise vent her emotional frustration, problems and mental unbalance. Ultimately, he becomes the only person for whom this behavior is reserved as nobody else will tolerate it but him.” -Gregory Prius
This especially happens when a man is trying to become more than friends with a female who has already delegated him to the “just friends” category. These men usually aren’t aware, or are in denial of their doomed state and think that being friends will lead to more, but it seldom does and usually ends up with many nights of listening to her complain about the no good guys she keeps seeing and trying to make her feel better after her heart has been broken again and again with hopes that their loyalty and and passion will be repaid with equal loyalty and passion, hopefully in the form of a real relationship.
The problem with being an emotional tampon is that this never happens! You get used and once she is feeling better, moved on to a different guy or got back with the same guy, you’re cast aside with no regard until her next period emotional crisis. This usually leaves the guy feeling jilted, bitter and angry towards the female, but usually he says nothing and is all too eager to relegate himself as her emotional tampon the next time she comes crying. These guys hearts are big, they are emotionally over available to an extent, but in the end, they are always left feeling fouled and unappreciated.
The Psychology Behind Men Who Tend to Be Emotional Tampons
These men tend to suffer from lack of self-esteem and confidence. They often are enablers and codependent. They often feel responsible for other people who should be responsible for themselves. And, they are dreamers. Nothing is wrong with being a dreamer, but it’s important to know when to let a dream go, especially when you are being used.
If you recognize yourself as an emotional tampon, you should just stop it! Yes, it’s that simple, stop it! Stop allowing someone to use you. Everyone is given one life and is responsible for it, not you! You are responsible for your own life and that’s it. It won’t be easy, we really care for and often times even love the women we become emotional tampons too, but it’s really just a fuzzy fantasy. It’s okay to be a friend and part of someones support system, but it’s not okay if that relationship is only one way and you don’t benefit from it at all. It will only leave you feeling used and emotionally drained. Save all of that energy for a woman who will appreciate your emotional availability and will reciprocate in one way or the other. Your days of being used for a few days out of the month and then thrown away until needed again are over!
Licensed Mental Health Counselor 
Well, this article makes a lot of sense, aside from the psychology part. Unless I’m in denial, (which I hope I’m not) I’m a pretty strong and independent guy. My actions don’t depend on her. However, I do recognize myself as an emotional tampon. I don’t think I’m being used, but hell, maybe it’s just the denial thing again. An overall interesting article.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. Denial is a big part of it. I wrote this article mostly from personal experience and it took a friend of mine to point out to me (over and over) that I was actually being an emotional tampon and not a “good friend” like I thought I was. Hopefully you’re in a better situation 🙂
Thanks for lifting my quote -directly- word-for-word from Urban Dictionary. Yes, this is really Gregory Pius, and yes, I really did write that almost ten years ago on urbandictionary.com back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and urbandictionary.com only had a dozen or so entries.
I wish I could take credit for the definition, but alas, I cannot. You forgot to mention the -real- inspiration for the quote: the late Sam Kinison, who was (in my humble and warped opinion) one of the most genuinely and brilliantly funny observational comedians to ever take the stage.
Gregory Pius
Hello Gregory, thanks for reading and responding. This post wasn’t meant to be a thorough view of the term, but just to get discussion started. I didn’t even see your name when I quoted urbandictionary.com, it’s not a site I normally visit for research, but just went back and saw it so your name is now added and you are credited as you should be. I thought about adding what you said about Sam Kinison, but like I stated, this isn’t a thorough view of the topic, just a conversation and thought starter. You obviously did a great job with your definition on urbandictionary.com and I hope people who want to know more would seek it there. Thanks for pointing out what was an oversight on my part.
Totally agreed with this blog. I have been an Emotional Tampon for over a year and that b***** did not care. She came to me over 3 times and plug me all her crap story about the new guy as she dumped me… I was nice so I listen to her and then she felt better and disappear and come back when trouble again. All she said is she just willing to share her story and I explained to her (I shouldn’t) that she is using me. She put her face on me saying she just wanna share.
This article really wake my ass up. I have enough wasting my time for this b*****. I though Miracle exists for good people, but everything is just beyond imagination or being dreamer as you stated…
Life is in our hand and hope is created by us, not by staying there and beg, pray to get it…
I’m glad I was able to help you. You deserve better and I have been in this situation enough times to know that it is just a waste of your time and emotions. What you said at the end “Life is in our hand and hope is created by us, not by staying there and beg, pray to get it…” is exactly right. You’ll find a woman that appreciates the sensitive side of you and she won’t take advantage of it. Knowing what you now know will just help you weed out the women who don’t deserve you much faster.
Women can be the emotional tampons too, you know.
Hi, thanks for taking the time to read and respond. Honestly I never really thought about it until you commented and then I had to think about many conversations I’ve had with female friends and clients to see how many examples of women being emotional tampons I could come up with and you are right, women can be emotional tampons, I just think they complain about it less because women are more verbal, caring and emotional being by nature and so when they lend an ear or shoulder to cry on they often don’t expect a whole lot in return or as much as a man does. Men for the most part have to work harder to do what women find natural, listen, be supportive, caring and attentive and thus almost always expect something in return so when they end up not getting what they wanted, they are more angry and disappointed then most women will be and are more likely to be bitter than a woman would be and I think that is the reason being an emotional tampon is so easily associated with men than it is with women, but you are correct, women can indeed be emotional tampons. Thanks again for your insight.
Your post is spot on, I was an emotional tampon,when this woman got fired from her job, I tried to be very supportive, and compassionate towards her, but everything revolved around her, she would never ask me, how I was doing, or show any concern for me,it was all about her.At first, she would tell me, that I was a true friend, and that she was glad that I was in her life, but that didn’t last very long,she asked me to go to a movie with her, but then she started making excuses, or as she put it she had to reschedule me, she finally fulfilled her commitment, she came over to my house, but was only over here for one hour, and then said she had to go home and do some studying for college.All she was really interested in me for, was just to listen to her her emotional baggage, I was an emotional tampon, and she was an emotional vampire.it got so bad, that she would tell me about the activities that she had planned, but would never invite me, but would then tell me how much fun she had doing the activity.These people, are self-centered, self absorbed vampires, my advice, through personal experience, would be to say,once you recognize that you are being used as an emotional tampon, get as far away from that person as you can, you’re well being,and happiness are at stake, stand up for yourself, because nobody else will.
Correct I am a female and was always someone’s ( A Guys ) emotional tampon – usually after confessing or showing I had emotions and interest, My needs then ignored, put into the friend zone and then over and over again the emotional tampon for a guy that wanted something better than me. Then when I am really gone? suddenly and only then I am desirable, but after all the time and chances by then know it’s just the me being really GONE part that he wants ( some challenge deal ) and not me.
This happened for years at a time sometimes.
Hi, thanks for taking the time to read and respond and sharing your experience from a females point of view!
what if I’m not in denial? don’t have any sexual attraction to her? yet sometimes feel pings of jealousy? I know I’m like a brother to her. When she tells me I’m her best friend, her rock, I know her better than her own family, should I feel good about that because in reality I know I’ve become a girlfriend with a penis to her, because she doesn’t have any female friends to confide in. So when she says “I don’t sleep around with guys anymore, even though I could” I should just know she said that due to her confiding with her emotional tampon and not saying it to make me jealous?
What if I’m not in denial? What if I know I’m just like a brother to her? What if I’m not sexually attracted to her? What if I know a relationship wouldn’t work between us? But what if I do feel periodic pings of jealousy?
She calls me her best friend. She calls me her rock. She says I know her better than her own family. It seems as though those are things that would put two people together.
But I’m no dummy. I know we talk a lot because she doesn’t have any female friends in her life right now or a romantic interest or the volume of calls would decrease. I know I’ve become a female friend with a dick to her. Should that bother me or as a friend should I be honored by that? Like I said, I really don’t know what I feel for my friend. If we stopped talking tomorrow it would really hurt and I would miss our friendship but also I am kind of bothered by the thought of being nothing more than her emotional tampon. Why, I don’t really know?
I understand your dilemma. Most good men have been in this situation before and I definitely have. If you know you are an emotional tampon and are okay with that, then just except that it is what it is and will most likely go no further so don’t try to be anything more to her than a friend. Just make sure that you continue to make yourself available for the one who will want all of those qualities in you and a romantic relationship with you as well. She is out there, but don’t let her continue to pass you by because you’re blinded by someone who will never be more than just a friend, no matter how great she is.
Thank you for replying! There is more to the story. My friend was diagnosed with stage 3 to borderline 4 liver disease and continues to struggle with alcohol yet refuses to seek any help.
She recently stated that due to her health issue it would be selfish of her to be in a serious relationship with anybody, although I do wonder if the “right” guy came along if she would still feel the same?
Lately she has given me mixed signals. Saying one time she wanted to push me over onto the couch to lay on top of me to cuddle. She compliments me one week on my new facial hair and two weeks later tells me I should shave it off. I told her I wouldn’t shave for her or any other woman to which she replied “well than maybe I won’t shave my legs or arm pits for you and I’ll try and grow a mustache”.
For one thing she doesn’t where shorts anymore so why would I care about her not shaving her legs? She also asked me if I thought she was pretty. I don’t know why if we are friends why it matters how I look to her or if I think she is pretty or not?
I told her I thought she looked beautiful when I last saw her. When she asked me if I thought she was pretty, I told her again that I thought that she was beautiful but added that this is making it tough for me to just be friends with her so she might consider growing facial warts or sonething. Anyway, it is what it is. In the end I will be hurt one way or the other.