I Want To Have A Light-Skinned Baby: The Affects Of Colorism On Black Adolescent Females

ts-134028063-african-american-girl-school-istock-14259556-dean-mitchellToday in a small group of teenage girls that consisted of one Asian-Haitian-American female, one Haitian-American female and one African-American female,

seemingly out of nowhere, the Haitian-American (a chestnut complected girl) blurted out,

“I date White boys because I want to have a light-skinned baby.”

She didn’t say that she wants to marry a loving man and have healthy children, but that she wants to have a light-skinned baby.

Before I could comment, the African-American girl in the group (she’s about copper complected) quickly agreed with her (although her current boyfriend is deep chestnut complected), that she too wanted light-skinned babies.

I then turned the the Asian-Haitian-American girl and asked her if she too wanted to have light-skinned children. She replied with the sensible answer, that she didn’t care how her kids came out. The other two girls quickly jumped in and said, “That’s because she is already light-skinned.”

I was shocked by their statements. Not because it was the first time I had ever heard Black teens make that comment, but because just on Sunday night I had watched CNN’s Who is Black in America with Soledad O’Brien, which explored colorism and identity in the Black community.

Some of the things that stuck out to me during the show, was how some darker skinned Blacks often did not like their skin tone and wanted lighter skin and how some lighter skinned Blacks didn’t want to identify with being Black at all.

These were more the exception than the rule, but a common enough trend to cause deep contemplating for not only Black people, but other people of color and those who teach, counsel or mentor people of color.

After watching that thought provoking show, I was a bit alarmed to have two of my teenage students basically say, “I don’t like my complexion and don’t want to have kids that look like me.”

I could go into the many different theories behind this sort of thinking, including brainwashing by the media, European standards of beauty and what is called Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome, but those are all too extensive topics to cover here, but I will write about those if there is a desire to hear about them.

My main concern, being that this is a psychology/counseling blog, is the affects this type of thinking has on these teenage girls self-esteem, self-value and self-worth.getty_rm_photo_of_africanamerican_teen_girl_in_mirror

When Black girls make comments like, “I want to have a light-skinned baby”, they are basically consciously or unconsciously rejecting vital parts of their self and their identity.

What they are saying at the most basic level is, “I don’t like my color, it is undesirable. I don’t like my hair, it is ugly. I want to make sure that my child comes out with lighter skin so that they will be prettier and better than I am.”

There is no way that a person with this type of latent thinking, can truly feel good about herself, her family or those that look like her.

This is a form of self-hate that she probably isn’t even aware she is influenced by, yet it shows up daily in her life through automatic thoughts, the way she feels about herself and the way she interacts with her world.

I keep saying she, but Black males are also affected by this.

Many Black males, especially athletes, entertainers and rappers quickly gravitate to and praise lighter skinned Black women, White women or women of other races. This sends a message to both young Black men and women.

To young Black men it says that you have to have a light-skinned Black, Hispanic, White or other woman on your arm to truly show you are successful or have “made it”. To darker skinned Black women, it says that you are ugly and undesirable. It says to light-skinned girls that you are coveted, not for your uniqueness, personality or intelligence, but for your appearance.

It’s sickening to me because most of these people are operating unconsciously under the influences of our countries painful history of racism. They have been brainwashed and don’t even know it because it started at such a young age.

It is hard for a people to feel good about themselves collectively, succeed collectively and grow collectively when there are so many of us that don’t feel comfortable in our own skin.

I believe this causes an increase in a multitude of issues including academics, violence, substance abuse and mental illness. stock-footage-an-angry-sad-girl-shows-her-frustration-black-and-white

Colorism doesn’t only affect Black people, but most people of color around the world who are influenced by European standards.

There have been many studies on the length some Hispanic cultures have gone through to guarantee that darker genes don’t enter (contaminate) their gene pool, so much so, that some families insisted on cousins marrying cousins.

In Brazil, before the rise of a pro Afro-Brazilian movement, many Black Brazilians didn’t identify as Black, and preferred to be identified as mulatto. Brazil even went through a period of “White washing” a few decades ago where the government was afraid that Brazilians were too African/dark-skinned and aggressively urged Europeans to migrate to the country to help lighten the face of Brazil.

Being identified as Black, around the world, has a very negative connotation behind it and many people try to escape that by denying they are Black all together if possible, preferring to be called Latino, Dominican, Puerto Rican, or whatever their nationality, despite their obvious African heritage.

I am not an expert on this subject from the Latino point of view, but I would refer you to the actress Zoe Saldana, who is a Dominican-American and proudly calls herself a Black woman. And the Dominican-American author Junot Diaz who talks frequently about colorism in the Dominican community in his works.

In America, at least in the Black community, we seem to have to face and deal with colorism more often, most likely because we are only about 13% of the population and have such a long history of racism and prejudice.

I told these young girls not to date a guy because of the color of his skin or his potential to help her have lighter-skinned children with “good hair”, but to date a guy because he respects her, loves her and treats her like a queen.

This post is not about race, but it’s about how this type of thinking negatively affects many aspects of these girls lives.

These girls are all in counseling because of anger, self-esteem and depression problems. If I didn’t like my skin complexion, the texture of my hair or my self, I would feel ugly, worthless, angry and sad all the time too.

I will continue working with these girls on accepting and loving themselves and plan on showing them this video (below) during our next meeting, in hopes that it will help open up their eyes to some of the subliminal messages they have been receiving about themselves.

The video is only about ten minutes, if you have the time, take a look at it and tell me what you think. It talks about the Clark Doll Experiment, but it goes deeper with a personal touch.

27 thoughts on “I Want To Have A Light-Skinned Baby: The Affects Of Colorism On Black Adolescent Females

  1. I heard about the doll experiment, but to actually see it almost had me in tears. I admire and appreciate what my mother did for me as a child and that is to make sure ALL of my dolls were Black. I did not get a white doll until I was much older. By then, my self worth was not tied to my complexion. I just wish we would realize that we are all beautiful.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing and commenting! I have actually personally done the doll test with elementary school kids and surprisingly, the results are almost always the same and the parents of these kids are usually shocked to see their kids say that the Black doll is bad, ugly and stupid and yet, that is the doll the say looks most like them. I agree with you that it is sad and plagues these kids self-esteem sometimes for a lifetime.

    2. This just reminded me of something else. When I was a child I used to have these black and white ninja action figures and one day when I was playing with them my mother asked me what I was doing. I told her the white ninjas were fighting the black ninjas because the black ninjas were bad and the white ninjas were good. My mother simply told me that the black ninjas don’t have to be bad because they are black, and that they could be good and the white ninjas could be bad. After that, I changed how I thought about my action figures and the black ninjas became the good ninjas. Funny how this was sort of like the doll test way back when I nor my mother even realized it.

  2. Wow, very well written. I’m currently a 21 year old dark skin female, but I don’t have as many issues with my skin tone, as do other dark skin females I come in contact with. I was raised in a predominantly white community and attended a predominantly white school growing up. I didn’t have many black friends, and wasn’t in touch with most of the black community until I attended college. I feel as though this is the reason i am so comfortable with my skin. It is usually other black people who show the most hatred to their own race, and growing up several darker children often suffer great amounts of ridicule and learn to hate their hair and complexion. In my school there was only white and black. There was no one to make fun of me for being darker, I didn’t even really recognize i had a darker complexion until late high school. Yes, at times I wanted to look like everyone else in my class (white) but as I grew older that desire seemed more and more foolish. The only way for the black community to end this vicious cycle of self-hatred is to teach them that their blackness/Africaness is beautiful. Within our community we should stop praising those simply because they have more Caucasian features. When we become accepting of our own, young girls will no longer hate themselves for being a different type of beauty.

    1. Thanks so much for sharing your story and reading my blog. Growing up I never really paid much attention to my own skin color. My mom is light-skinned, my dad dark-skinned, me and my oldest sister are darker than my mother while my middle sister is as light as my mother. Still, I never paid much attention to that. I did realize growing up that I thought white and light-skinned girls were prettier and that light-skinned boys were stuck up, pretty boys and weaker than dark-skinned boys. There was times I wondered if being White would be easier, if I would get more girls, more opportunities. By the time I got through high school much of that had changed and I realized that those thoughts had pretty much been inserted into my brain. In the beginning of high school I had put a s-curl in my hair to try to have “good hair” because all the boys were doing it and the girls liked it. I didn’t realized how brainwashed I was back then and some of the things I hear when it comes to colorism, I realize still many people don’t even realize that they have been brainwashed and think their thoughts/desires are all their own. I hate hearing/seeing rappers praising lighter-skinned, multiracial, Latinas, etc., over darker-skinned women. I cringe at the lyric Little Wayne says, “Beautiful Black woman, I bet that B_tch looks better red.” Wow, what a strike to the self-esteem of a dark-skinned young girl listening to this. He just ruined his whole first compliment, “Beautiful Black woman.” Obvious he doesn’t know he has been brainwashed and is practicing self-hate, and is spreading it throughout his audience. As a therapist, I have to take into account that every person comes to me with different issues, messages they have been told about themselves directly or indirectly from family, the media, and society.

    2. Beautiful comment.i too am a young African American female who grew up in your same situation. I LOVE BEING BLACK! BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL, UNFORTUNATELY MANY OF US FORGOT THAT DUE TO SOCIETY.

  3. First off, I am mixed and I was raised by my grandmother who was dark black and so my “brothers and sisters” were all dark as well. Living in the suburbs of chicagoland you have to go to the predominately white areas for better schools, and that is where I was raised. The only time I really felt bad about myself was when the put section 8 in my neighborhood and I was not black enough for black people, I talked white, I was too proper, well I said, ” If I have to lower my IQ to be cool, no thanks.” My biological mother was black but felf like a white person on the inside bc of the things she liked and the people she was naturally attracted to. I had black and white barbies and other types of dolls, I felt normal and I was attracted to both races and only chose later on which ethnicities I would produce children with. Sounds bad? Well I comprised a list of ethnicities and what they offer me and my future offspring. I chose light black(not ghetto), white(not religious), Japanese or chinese, Europeans, Latinos, and philipinos. I chose them for the success of the marriage, the culture, and the new breeding traits. I want to make Ideal, educated and well rounded people. We all derive from africa fo you peach and red complected people have aftican in there too. I have a good quality of dark hair naturally but I choose to smooth it out a bit to make it manageable. I like being the color or creamed coffee, It makes me a chameleon. If I cut my hair short and flip it out, I pass for northern Indian, If I straighten it and put in hoops, I’m puertorican, dominican, cuban. And just for jun change may accent and you could never tell I was america. Being any color has its perks, but I will say one thing, being black is alright with me. And I like light black men bc the just look delish to me, is a sexual preference wrong? I have daddy issues for sure but I don’t have a color problem. That vid didn’t make me sad , it made me mad. Who is teaching them this bc babies don’t see colors in people, they see hearts. I am a firm believer in parents playing a huge role in child development and maybe those people should get educated. And I use the stereotypical words too, but through always asking why, I learned that crayola does a better job at description. Considering black(brown) people come in more shades than any other. Parents can say what they will to defend themselves, but I don’t by it. You are in control of what they see and hear. Bright colors are very attractive but that is not enough. Show them movies like cinderella, made by rogers and Hammerstein. If they never see you interact with people of other colors, what does that say. It is not sad, it just raises speculation. Let’s not forget the churches that sing songs like, “wash you white as snow”. Is that ok, is that also saying that if you are not as white as snow, then you are bad or unclean or not good.

    I hope no one is offended, but this is how I feel . Jya( means, Bye, in japanese)

    1. First off, thanks for taking the time to read, respond and share your experiences! The thing about colorism is that it is so intrinsically intwined into our world that we people of color, that includes you and me, get brainwashed into believing that our thoughts, our preferences are actually our own when in reality, we’ve been brainwashed for generations into not liking ourselves, our skin colors, anything or anyone that reminds us of us.

      You had your own experiences growing up, influences from society and no doubt your family that have help sculpt you into the person you are today. Not to harp on you, but you say you have no color issues but I think you do. You say you felt normally attracted to both races, yet you chose which ethnicities to produce with based on the success of marriage, culture and new breeding traits. There’s no guarantee based on race or ethnicity that someone will be a good husband or that you will produce beautiful, intelligent or even healthy children based on their ethnicity or culture. Nor those it mean that your marriage will last because someone comes from a certain culture. It’s the individual, not their skin color, race or ethnicity. On top of that, you chose as your pool of eligible progenitors, light skinned black males (not ghetto), white (not religious), Latino, Japanese or Chinese. Have you never seen “ghetto” people that weren’t black? “Ghetto” is a mindset, not a trait of black people. In Chicago you have to have seen this. I live in Orlando and see “ghetto” Latino and white people everyday.

      And if you are color blind, why did you have to list only lighter skinned people as possible mating partners? Is is it to keep your children’s skin light? Is it to try to make them as un-black as possible? Do you think not mixing with a dark skin black would automatically bring down the value of you and your children? Are you hung up on lighter is better, which is okay if you think that is your preference, but in reality, you’re just brainwashed and don’t even know it.

      If you are truly color blind and not brainwashed, then you would say you were looking for a good man, a successful man, a kind man, a man who would be a great husband and father, independent of his skin tone, race or ethnicity. Your rationale that we all come from Africa anyway makes little sense here since you have clearly ruled out the most African looking of us as potential mates. I’m glad you love your skin color and your hair and you should, but once again your statement is riddled with insecure and confused senses of identity. You say you are a chameleon and one day you can be (look) Dominican, Puerto Rican, North Indian, Cuban or even non-American. Maybe in your mind, but you can never be those ethnicities because you are not. You are a bi-racial woman and yes, most Latino’s are bi or tri-racial people but, in America you are considered black no matter how you style your hair or change your accent. You probably don’t like being referred to as a black woman, so as a biracial woman, a woman of color, you are half black and half white, you will never be anything other than that despite how you might try.

      Our society is screwed up when it comes to colorism and it has screwed us people of color up so much that we can’t even see it. Those kids in the video were taught to hate their skin color not by anyone in particular, but by society, by pure observation just like you were. No one had to tell them, they just watched. Lastly, you ended your comment in -Jya and made sure to comment that it’s bye in Japanese which is really cool, but why put that other than to put a final statement about how much you don’t like your own blackness.

      I am not offended by your comment as many people have your views, and I hope you or no one else will be offended by my reply. You may think you don’t have colorism issues but you sadly I think you do. By the way, if you have kids and they are the appropriate age, try the doll experiment with them. You may be shocked at the results.

  4. Thank you so much for posting this. It is the wake up call that I needed to get my situation dealt with.I watched that video with tears in my eyes.

    Its a shame to say I am 25 years old black woman married to a dark skinned man.I realised since before I married him that I have several issues with my skin colour in that I have always desired to have light skinned children.I dread having kids with him because I don’t want them to come out dark skinned.I love my husband dearly but at times I wish that he was white or light skinned.

    I have two sisters by my mum who are black.I also have a brother and sister by my dad who are bi-racial and have always seen them as superior to myself.

    All my life I have thought that people who are lighter than me are more special and I dont want my kids to have to go through feeling as though they are less special the way that I have felt. The thing that is a mess about my situation is that I am not dark skinned.I am considered light or caramel/toffee brown to most black people.

    My husband says things like-I didnt date black women until I met you.And I know he means well when he says that but it makes me feel awful because I am like what is wrong with blak women?!He calls me a ‘soul sista’ because I am always talking about how hard it is for black women.We are picked last for everything,shunned by society etc, he doesnt understand.

    I know Im being a cop out but I just don’t want my kids to have to go through this struggle,I do love being black but I just don’t want my kids to inherit the mindset that I have,that being black means having to prove yourself and your apparently not as beautiful or desirable as others.

    I dread becoming pregnant.Please do you have any advice on practical things I can do to get free of this mindset?Im literally leaving it to God right now.

    1. Hi, thank you so much for reading and responding. You are not alone with your struggle. Matter of fact, I am finding that many black people have issues with either their skin color, the skin color of their mate or the skin color of their present or future children.

      If you look at it, why wouldn’t we? For centuries the world has been systematically brain washed to believe that dark skin people are inferior, intimidating and unattractive when compared to lighter skinned people. It was used to justify slavery and was even used by Willie Lynch in his documents on controlling slaves and preventing a rebellion. He wrote that it was advantageous for slave owners to pit light skin slaves against darker skinned slaves by treating them better, which would create distrust and a multitude of other issues which we still deal with till this day.

      The whole world for the most part believes that white/light is better than black/dark because white people have been in control of so much of what we think and believe about each other. It has brain washed us, and some black psychologist even term this brain washing as post traumatic slave syndrome to explain the multitude of psychological problems slavery has had on not just African Americans, but the entire world. Because of the horrors of slavery and the state of Africa, many people look down on those who look remotely African and those who are of African descent try to distance themselves from that as much as possible, which is one reason many don’t want to be with a darker skinned mate or have dark skinned children.

      From my experience, most black men don’t care much about the skin tones of their children, yet many either prefer not to date black women and to date lighter skinned or white women. The reason for this is sometimes brainwashing from the media and society as well. Black men are often told consciously or unconsciously that dark skin women are unattractive, aggressive, and unloving and that lighter skinned women are more attractive, agreeable and are a status symbol. This is of course exaggerated by rap artist and actors.

      This is one reason many black women feel undesired. They are being told over and over again by society, even their own men either directly, indirectly, conscious or unconscious, that they are not as attractive or valued as lighter skinned/white women (article).

      On the other hand, black women seem to be more concerned about the skin tone of their potential children and may seek out mates based on the ability to have lighter skinned, straighter haired kids. Before I went on the radio show, The Dynamics of Colorism, I held a small summit of black teenage girls about colorism and found out that many want to have light skinned children for the same reasons you do. They believe the children will be treated better, one said, “almost as good as white people”. That’s a sad statement, but they, like you, want to give their kids the best future possible and if giving them lighter skin helps, then that’s what they desire.

      The thing is, no matter the skin color of your children, it doesn’t guarantee them anything. In order for your kids to have a different mindset than yours, you have to first start with embracing and loving your skin color and your husband’s skin color. You have to realize that the issues you have are not even your thoughts, they have been put into your head by society and you need to retake your mind. Like Malcolm X said in the video, who taught you to hate the color of your skin. Realize it or not, you’ve been brain washed. Most of us have.

      You are married to who I assume has to be a wonderful man, otherwise you wouldn’t have married him. You should be excited about the future children you two create together, not dreading it. Your kids are less likely to have any issues with their skin color if they come from parents who have no issues with theirs or their own.

      Black is beautiful and if no other race on this planet sees that, we have to see it and celebrate it. You and your husband will have beautiful children, but they will only know they are beautiful if you tell and show them they are beautiful. They will not feel inferior if they come from a strong place of love and support. It’s a struggle being black, no one understands that but us. But it’s a beautiful struggle if you embrace it and don’t let anyone else define you and your children will learn that lesson by not only what you tell them, but more importantly, what you show them.

  5. Hello, I want to thank you for writing this article. It helped me understand what I’m going through.
    My wife and I are both brazilians currently living in Germany. I’m italian-german, all my grandparents immigrated to the south of Brazil during that “let’s light the country’s skin” period so I am blond and have blue eyes. While my wife is from the northeast and she’s the traditional portuguese-african that was common in our country, she’s clearly mixed medium-skinned and has wavy brown hair and brown eyes.
    When we started dating she helped me deal with some ignorant racist family members (all solved by now). And she’s always been the mature one, always sure of herself. So it did not cross my mind she had issues with her skin. While I know she always had white boyfriends I thought it was chance as our country is very mixed anyway.
    It all started to change during her pregnancy. She used to say she wanted our baby to look like me and she looked at pictures of my cousins’ kids and say our kids will be like theirs (all blue eyed blondes). It did not bother me much then, even though I replied that I preferred a mixed baby. Actually I did not have a fixed image of how our baby should look like.
    Last month our daughter was born, a healthy beautiful baby girl that looks just like her mom. My wife had a difficult delivery and somewhat long recovery. Now she’s having a hard time bonding with our child which I thought was due to the labour and the time they were apart. I’ve read some articles about postpartum depression and tonight talked to my wife about it, as she replied simply “It’s not this kind of depression, she just doesn’t look like what I wanted, where is my white blonde blue eyed baby? I know I’m a horrible mother for saying this”.
    While I’m sure she is indeed depressed and will take her to see her doctor tomorrow, that was a terrible thing to hear. I’m 21 years old living abroad still in college with a newborn and a depressed wife, the least I can say is I’m struggling here.
    Nevertheless I’m confident that we’ll get through this and she’ll bond and love our baby like I do. And I’m glad that I have the chance to raise my beautiful daughter to love herself and her skin.
    Well that’s how I found this article. If any dark skinned girl read this, please don’t let society make you think you are not worthy and not beautiful. Don’t marry a white guy expecting to have a white baby, there’s no guarantee, I’m living proof. And love yourselves and your kids, any color they may be, and teach them to love themselves.

    1. Thank you for taking the time to read and reply. I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time right now. I have researched a lot about colorism in other parts of the world, particularly Brazil and other parts of Latin America. Your wife has been bombarded conciously and subconciously her whole life to not like parts of herself, particularly her skin. Because of this she wanted to make sure she had a child that was not “cursed” to have brown skin and brown eyes and in her image, probably from the time she was a little girl, she always imagined a white baby with bond hair and blue eyes so when she gave birth to your beautiful, mixed daughter, reality came in conflict with her idealized image of what her child would look like which in turn is causing multiple internal conflicts for her. She most likely feels as if she’s passed down a curse to your daughter and if your wife hasn’t learned to learn her own skin tone and African features, she will find it difficult to accept those in your child (especially as she sees her daughter as a reflection of herself). You on the other hand had no idealized image of a child and so your child is perfect as she truly is. It’s very important that you help your wife learn to love herself, all of herself, and appreciate her ethnic features by showing her that you find her attractive, which I am sure you do. It is also important that you guys raise your daughter to love all of herself as well, or she will end up with the same issues your wife has. She’s not crazy, but she has issues within herself she needs to deal with so they don’t affect your daughter. Thank you also for your advice to dark skin women. Many grow up being brainwashed into thinking they are unattractive and end up resentful of ligther skinned women, having low self-esteem and/or rebelling against anything and everyone that reminds them of their dark skin and attempt to have lightskinned babies so that they don’t pass on the “curse” of dark skin. Be strong and supportive as it sounds like you have been. Your wife will learn through your love for your daughter how to not only love and accept her daughter, but to also learn how to truly love and accept herself.

  6. Honestly I understand what your saying.I am 100% black myself and I don’t want dark skinned children I just I just can’t stand the fact to have a dark child it will kill me.My boyfriend is black I like him with all my heart but to have kids with him will not ever happen unless it was accident.I just prefer lighter skinned girls and boys.I don’t know why I’ve tried soooo hard to like dark skinned babies and stuff but I can’t I just can’t.I don’t hate my skin color I myself enjoy being black(sometimes) but would I bleach my skin?No but would I have a light skinned baby over dark?Heck yes!!!!! I know it sounds messed up but that’s my preference.

  7. I am 100% black and honestly I prefer light skinned babies and people myself.I don’t know why but I just I just couldn’t see myself having a dark skinned child it’s not that I hate my color I mean I don’t hate it but I don’t like it as much sometimes.I wouldn’t bleach my skin to look completely white.I find light skin girls are just better and prettier I know it sound rude and messed up but look around,everything is bout light skin and you never see dark skinned girls.It always upsets me an guys prefer light girls people need accept the fact that it is what it is.

    1. Thank you for taking the time to read and share your thoughts. I hear what you are saying It is something that has been echoed by millions of people of color for a very long time. A lot of it is really subconscious so it’s hard for you to undo it without really going inside of yourself, learning to love yourself and learning to understand why it truely is that you prefer lighter skin. You may think it’s because you think it’s prettier, but in actually, you, me and all of us have been brain washed. There is a play called Passing Strange, and in that play there is a song entitled, “What’s Inside Is Just a Lie.” Part of it goes “See I know this is going to sound a little bit crazy, but according to the Bauhaus Manifesto and I quote, What’s inside each and everyone one of us here in this room, what we mistakenly call our thoughts, our feelings, and our dreams, have actually been put there by a system. Therefore, What’s inside is just a lie! Our minds have been invaded, conquered, and occupied, hence, What’s inside is just a lie! And like a catch or a phrase, it gets locked in your head.
      What’s inside is just a lie! Somebody else’s desires get lodged in your brain! What’s inside is just a lie!
      So the only way to become your true self, Starting to feel real Is to create your true self.You turn your life into a work of art.” When you start to understand this and unravel the lies, you will see things differently. My currently girlfriend is light skin, she is biracial, but I never sought after lighter skinned women. My previous two girlfriends were darker skinned and I am very attracted to darker skinned women, however I am much more attractive to what’s inside of the person no matter what their skin color, shade or tone is.

      1. Hi I looked at this video and it really didn’t bring tears to my eyes.. I never went through that with my skin complexion and this is coming from a dark skin woman…. My grandmother used to tell me and my sister her mother would tell all my older cousins and aunt do not marry a dark skin man because their skin complexion is dark already ..their children would come out ugly !! My great grandmother was a light skin woman and her mother was white/mulatto…They came from white people . Thank god my grandmother didn’t listen to her crazy ignorant self!! My grandmother didn’t marry a light skin man she married a dark skin man.. I’m glad my grandmother taught us to love our skin.. I have to much pride for that ignorant slave mentality !! You would think I would hate my skin color and I am not what they say brown skin/caramel I’m dark!! My twin sister is very very light skin almost bi racial looking and people would look at us and say your not twins..your darker then her you guys must have different fathers!! That use to make me highly upset like really these people are uneducated and plain stupid they really don’t know anything about genetic gene pools..lol my mother and father was my complexion two dark skin couples can make a light skin child…and it just so happens when my mother was pregnant with twins one was dark and the other was light!! It happens all the time we are fraternal twins!! My sister never liked light skin guys because she thought they were conceited and plain ignorant…and that came from a very light skin woman..she always went out with darker men me and her both..I even had friends also going out with dark men we would say the darker the better!! Screw all that non sense ….my fiancé and I are a dark couple and we can’t wait to have children one day to re-teach our kids that black is beautiful !!! He is the one that taught me about Willie lynched and how blacks today hate themselves!! I don’t know about anyone else but I’m the opposite in what I’m saying I would love a dark chocolate baby I think their so beautiful and cute..I fell in love with my friends children her babies was so dark with this beautiful thick Afro texture hair..I don’t want a mix child that’s confused about where they came from..if it was light skin I would still love it also!! I also came into a girl that was pregnant she told me and my aunt she wanted a dark baby and the girl was fair skin..I never heard that from black girls before I thought I was the only one thinking this..I had a smile on my face like wow someone that loves the skin their in..

      2. another thing I watched these adoption placement videos on YouTube ..these white couples were adopting black children because you have some white people that are not bad!! These black babies were so beautiful are dark!! These kids were not light or bi racial children..the african american families seem like they where adopting lighter skin children.. That’s how you know some blacks are screwed in the head still. When I say these dark babies were beautiful they were!! The babies were born with a full head of kinky Afro texture hair!! I’m trying to figure out why is that ugly to some black people..you have white women that want black children and black people want light/white children. Lol

  8. I am a 16 going on 17 year old light skinned girl. I have always been light skinned and was usually one of if not the lightest in my class. My friends and the kids I played with were of various “shades” of black. As a little girl I had both black and white dolls as well as the dolls that were caramel colored. I don’t think of myself as better or prettier thank girls who are dark skinned. At the end of the day regardless of how much melanin you have in your skin we are all still black. When I was about 13 o got an American Girl doll for Christmas. It was supposed to be the one of those that looked like me. The doll I got was a olive toned white girl . My mother asked how was that supposed to look like me if I’m black and my maternal grandmother who could pass for white explained to her that the doll did look like me if would have gotten a black doll then she wouldn’t have looked anything like me. I would like to have light skinned children who look like me but I would still love my child if they weren’t because they would be mine.

    1. You are a very intelligent young lady. Thanks for your comment. If you want to have light skinned children because that would make them look more like you, then I think that is perfectly understandable. You don’t seem like the type of person who would dislike her children if they end up being a shade or two darker than you. Thank you for sharing this, I wish more people thought the way you do. Continue being the strong, bright woman that you are and I guarantee great things will be in your future!

  9. I don’t know why you were “shocked” by these girls’ remarks. You or anyone else in the American Black community shouldn’t be “shocked” at all. While colorism may have started with whites who kept it going for decade after decade. BLACK PEOPLE. Yeah. Generations of brown/dark-skinned girls since post slavery were put down for being nappy-headed and too dark while light-skinned black women – and even better – biracial “black” women were put on the alter for worship. By their own people. Black females are guilty of colorism also but get real about it; black men are its biggest supporters. And now we wonder why black girls dislike being dark and ashy and wanting “light babies”….seriously. When you’re told from childhood about how wrong your looks are after a time it affects you; I don’t care how anyone tries to spin it. I’m 45 now and growing up in the 70s all I heard was how ugly I was while my lighter/mixed raced cousins were praised for their looks and hair. This coming from relatives and strangers alike in the so-called black community. Saw and experienced the same s**t throughout the 80s and 90s as a young woman. So please, save the drama about being “shocked”. I don’t wanna hear the excuses.

    Like I said before blacks themselves share a huge part of the messed-up mentality many of these darker girls and women have about themselves, both past and present.

    1. Hi Cory, thanks for taking the time to read and respond. I have the right to be “shocked” just as you have the right to not be shocked. We all have different phenomonologies and yours is different from mine. You make some valid points that get lost in your preaching to be right instead of understand. My question to you now is what are you doing to change colorism or to improve the self-esteem and image of darker skinned girls? Better yet, what are you doing to heal yourself because it sounds like you have a lot of pain you’re still holding on to. We’ve all been brainwashed and many of us don’t even realize it, so black people do need to wake up and take pride in the beauty in all the many different hues of being black, but what are you doing to make that happen?

  10. I am a beautiful black woman who is married to handsome loving black man.& while I admit that I have I have on occasions found myself ‘brainwashed’ into thinking light skin might be better or prettier, I adore the skin I am in & wouldn’t have it any other way . I’m expecting our 1st child & whether s/he turns out dark as night or white as snow,I ll will love him/her to death because in the end it’s not the colour of your skin that makes you beautiful or successful,it’s the person within. Men and women of colour,forget about the vain idea that society portrays beauty should look like & and redefine your own. Liberate your self from the post slavery syndrome & embrace your uniqueness & not use it as an excuse to not live up to your fullest potential.

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