Inside The Mind Of A Potential Psychopath

As promised, here is a letter from someone I believe could be a potential budding psychopath.

A brief background:

This is a 16 year old male that came to see me for feelings of hatred and anger towards “everyone” as well as potential auditory hallucinations and symptoms of depersonalization.

He is currently in danger of failing school and follows none of the rules set for him at home and receives little to no consequences for that. I asked him to start keeping a record of his thoughts so I could help him analyze them.

This is a sample of his thought journal:

I feel irritated. I swear people are trying to make me gun them down. I’m trying very hard to keep my cool, but it’s thinning really fast. Everyone here disgusts me. The teacher is getting on my fucking nerves. I just want to pop a bottle in her face.

She makes me sick. Her voice is getting on my nerves. If I had telekinesis  I would use it to spin everyones heads. I hate you all. It’s hard for me to focus on my work. I’m just not capble of doing it. I wanna go home. I am trying to do my work but I can’t focus.

I am not in the mood to do anything. God I hate everything. The guy [teacher] is asking for binders. I want to take the binder and smack him with it. If I had the power to burn things it wouldn’t be good for anybody because if I burned somebody I don’t think I would feel sorry.

I am writing this while I shoud be doing my work, but I don’t think I give a shit. Fuck the life. This is fucking stupid. I hate the people, the class, the school. I don’t dislike, I hate everything and I don’t know why. If these people were to die tomorrow I wouldn’t give a damn.

Class is almost done and this bitch is wasting my time. Fuck her. In class people talking and i just wanna slash their throats. They including the teacher are all useless to me. They’re all disgusting. Why am I in a classroom filled with imbeciles, morons, idiots, everyone I hate.

I was sad because my friend wasn’t here today. I usually see him in second period, but he’s absent. I was sad because out of everyone I talk to, he’s the one I’m most comfortable with. He’s kinda like the twin I wish I had.

Ever since the 7th grade, way before that, I had been having daydreams of a different life, one I had control over. In those daydreams I have a brother named ______. He’s my heart, the one I feel connected to and when I’m not having those daydreams I feel depressed and want to cause people harm and sometimes for no reason.

Sometimes I imagine myself being God and other times I start to believe it. If I were God I would cause a great flood and take out the people I hate in the world and replace them with people I don’t. I don’t see why people are laughing. If I were to slit their throats I bet they wouldn’t any more. I’m tired of these stupid people.

I want to make them know that I am better than them. I’m sitting in tech class and I want to take the keyboard and slap the two students in front of me in the head until I get tired. These people underestimate my powers because if they knew what I could do they would be afraid.

These people are nothing to me, but ants. I could just stomp them with my foot and they would be dead, but I’m too nice and theres no point to go to jail for these dirty people. They are not worth my time. I fucking hate people. Their shit is so stupid.

Why is everything this way. I’m talking and thinking, but it’s disorganized. I can’t remember much of most things that I am thinking. I just want to go somewhere that I can just do whatever I want with no consequence because if I were to kill someone I wouldn’t want to get in trouble for it.

I’m not ready to clearly say that this guy is a psychopath as his symptoms are also typical of a couple of other personality disorders.

However, it’s obvious from his writing that he hates people, finds it almost unbearable to be around most people and feels as if he is better than everyone. He talks about hurting and killing people and saying he would probably feel nothing.

He also talks about people as if they were just insignificant insects. As if other peoples existence alone irritates him.

He has daydreams where he imagines himself as God and even starts to feel like God in real life with thoughts of destroying everyone.

Sure, he says he would never do these things, not because they are wrong or he would feel bad, but because he doesn’t want to suffer the consequences. Probably much like many of the mass murderers who committed suicide after their crimes felt.

I’m not going to say that this guy will hurt, none the less murder anyone, but I am saying that he is showing clear signs of psychopathic traits that need to be dealt with before he ever gets to that point.

I’ve been working with him on this for the past few weeks, helping him analyze his feelings and thoughts and challenging them,  but I am getting his family involved because I think he may need more intensive treatment than I can provide in the current setting I am working with him in.

He really is a good kid with lots of potential, but if he falls through the cracks he can easily end up spending the rest of his life incarcerated and/or ruin other peoples lives. I’m determined to do my best to not allow that to happen.

10 thoughts on “Inside The Mind Of A Potential Psychopath

  1. I have to wonder after reading this if this teenager has been assessed for ?? or has he just continued to pass from grade to grade? Are there learning disabilities?
    If he has potential, perhaps focus on that potential. Reframe the negative to a positive. Writing is good and gets his internal thoughts onto paper.
    What are his interests and could this be a focus? Would volunteering be good for him and give a sense of accomplishment? Would he benefit from mentoring another student who is younger than him that has similar thoughts, difficulties in school, social issues?
    Has he been assessed for physical illness like infections, mineral deficiencies and are drugs an issue or alcohol?
    Perhaps because he comes across as a loner or ‘troubled kid’ no adult is looking further. All it takes is one adult who believes and gives him a chance, and this can make all the difference.

    1. I love your suggestions and I will try all of those to the extent I can. Working with him in the current capacity I do I am often limited with what I can and can’t do, but I refer clients to the proper referral sources. I also see kids in private practice where I have a lot more freedom, but unfortunately, this kid is not one of them. I will see him next week when school gets back in and plan on setting up a family session to discuss these things with his parents and I will definitely follow through on your recommendations. Thank you.

      1. You are most welcome! I do not like to think of a kid ‘falling through the cracks’ in a sense and have to wonder, is there something else going on or could he benefit from doing something positive for another.
        I hope it is a good meeting with the family.
        Happy New Year by the way!

  2. He sounds angry. Incredibly, inconceivably angry. Aren’t psychopaths indifferent and cool? Or is that a myth lol.

    1. Good question, but not always. The thing is, in person he does come off as indifferent and cool. The anger he expresses is internal. That’s not the face he shows the world or his classmates. His writing sounds similar to some of the writings of famous psychopaths I have been fortunate to read, but it is all complex and I haven’t ruled out other issues yet. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts.

  3. Odd question bare with me lot these he sounds like me this long but hopeful abuised tomormented kids if can make it into adult…. Well past me. I was in special ed spent years moving around both parents miltary family raped on miltary base age 9 as well lot psyical abuise by other classmates. I later attempted later push that induviual off stairs no remorse wanted watch him die was my answer he deserves it my parents teachers and classmates feared me called me low ecpections riduuculed me humilulated me anger build build hate for people i got into art as escape my parents found out by police and miltary police i was one of meny rapped girls on list as well beaten by other students early on . grew feeling what point making friends only going forget them they forget me. By time was in hs both parents out miltary settled i spent years acdemic issues failing. Not care do homework or conquences my art showed my emotions no words could… I felt so angry in 4th grade again sexual harassment this time i snap almost killed my assulter…. I went teachers i went adults i went princple asking help stop it ignored….. One day home from bus my lunch bag spills on my chest boy gets whole bus laugh humilate me i milking myself i run off bus almost chock him out by time cops arrive. I admited what i did cops about arrest me… They said had next day have princble call him tell him i almost killed a kid had be revived… 14 adults admited to cop i went to them asking for help was turn away thought nothing of it… What scary part me loved control love turning victim into explaining why i harming no remorse if they didnt push had take law my own hands me i wouldnt discover that…. I like baby birds in kindergarden boy step on their heads wanted watch me cry so i beat him up explain pain he feels is good deserves it all life matters. I had abuise after abuise relationships mental psyical emotional or rapped but i get more angry idea how i the monster i told i am years… Started belive it… I failed see in hs i made friends saw i was misunderstood as much i was antisocial hate people failing academicaly i did rush first secene save 4 people lives adminstering aid to worst before help arrived thought nothing emotiomal just act. I even saved life my bully contimplated second let him suffer….. Realize wasnt right my bully ask why i help after everything done me i said right thing do i still hate you dont want be friends…. Want be alone… Graded 4 grade math 3 grade reading 2nd grade spelling due sezuires set back devempental but out grew sezuires. In school i once spoke up in class said in special ed i amount something more this school or class offer one day studt hard become something no one thinks i achive!!!! Confident. Oddly. Teacher i wont give names comes over put hands my desk laugh yah right 9 out 10 students say some like i did are failures remain failures in life… I assure you one those failure in life….. I hated her so much… 8 years later no sezuires my iq grew point in that time i got reconized by mayor for help others city senior center award in my name 2005 signed by the mayor. I study study got myself med school few months scored 134 iq test 6 years later not my calling droped out. Study study…i get into college get myself into gpa 3.5 on my own no assistence… I study everyday harder most my classmates hours and hours.. I try next for miltary childhood dream protect serve.my own family friends laugh said wont accept me laugh me out front door…. If i walk out on everyone advice know my limits accept it…. Or i have no one i had no family or friends talk me or see me 6 months i trained mentally phyically… Got past door accepted shipped off to boot 2011. I didnt recall all my childhood ptsd trauma or abuise i was just angry…. Had blank spots but on base it caused flash backs i felt over loaded…. What i recalling in caps blank real or not…. Melt down… I got injured by accident in army training they crushed nerves in my spin cause paralyasis for two years right leg… Told wont walk again i do. I cant run i fall lot but i walk with brace lot pain meds in chronic pain. I had 7 min sezuire june 5 2011 on base first in 11+ years and new type it erased all my progress education. My achivements. I was 18 credits from become special ed teacher….art teaching degree… Dont quify after frontal left side brain damage perminate… I also bullied being injuried by the dishonorables for i was a honorable that found volunteering process the dead was more peaceful then living are… Each death help process or orginize info. I felt giving if was someone i could relate to how i want know they respected… Others ran off sick… I found little place few hours not meny would bother me i could be useful… I got out army i strugle ptsd. Anxiety depression sucidal thoughts… Strong recall childhood. My parents wish i never recall even see my best friend kill her self by age 13. I couldnt save her no one listen she dead till i scared enough people go investigate…. Counseling for adults that have childhood abuise not much time process it just keep moving on… Never can see world right even as adults.. But idea people i hate more death itself enjoying me failing at life is far worse i denie them there enjoyment…. There still hope no one is lost cause… I once again half way i was a childhood due new perminate damage..lots documents doctors and social and tests all this facts even sound unreal. I have days i fight so hard not hate everyone… Or i actually beg please people back off if really scared myself things i recall as child i did… Like i have traits but took me years i was beaten by family member who had get counseling that there family beat them… I didnt have first fingers run threw my hair till age 13 fell dead sleep… I fighting good fight hope one day repair what lost gain back my hidden genius. But i lack lot emotional understanding once again… Even my own… When adult limited abilities…like cant drive. Cant understand certain things as use too. Or hear wish knew you before this…dont know is it the child in us avoid in past work on out fear? Or is lack emotional conntection… I now got lot people understand take day by day with me… I think sooner these kids understand why hate anger the better.. It still hard i struggle not be anri social…

  4. From what he wrote, he sounded more like a sociopath rather than a psychopath. According to the articles I’ve read in ‘Psychology Today’, unlike psychopaths, sociopaths have a slight possibility to be able to form an emotional attachment with a person (he wrote that he was sad that his ‘friend’ was absent in class that day). Sociopaths have artificial charm (as you’ve written in the comment section,”The anger he expresses is internal. That’s not the face he shows the world or his classmates”) and good intelligence (he has the potential to be better but he’s holding himself back. Also he was wise enough to not let his psychotic desires and emotions get the better of him as he could land himself in jail) and he’s also extremely antisocial and lacks a social conscience, to name a few.

    If I may ask, why wasn’t he diagnosed with sociopathy?

  5. He’s a poser. A real psychopath wouldn’t be talking to you because a real one wouldn’t care. You’re boring. He’s an angry little monkey because he has body language that sets off neurotypicals and results in him having no friends. The point is he cares about people and what they think. Fundamentally he’s defensive, nothing more. The fact is he’s the result of emotional abuse from his peers. For this reason, it’s the fault of society not him. It’s basic in group / out group bias. Of course this also makes it predictable and boring. Most people will see him as having hatred. However, he doesn’t have hatred, only anger. Anger is a human emotion, while hatred has a soul all its own. Anger come from within, while hatred comes from without. Anger has a frown and causes defensiveness from others. Hatred has a smile and would love to see you smile too.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s