Month: December 2012

Therapist are Humans Too

Abuse Reports And Pregnancy Scares: My Week In Review

by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment on Abuse Reports And Pregnancy Scares: My Week In Review

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This week went by really fast, although it was tiresome and very busy, picking up where last week left off.

Last Friday I had to have a suicidal student Baker Acted (Florida’s statute for involuntary examination/hospitalization), with five minutes of school left, which meant I had to deal with law enforcement and the Department of Children and Families (DCF) for two hours afterwards.

Not the best way to start my weekend.

This week wasn’t as dramatic, but I still had to call DCF on three cases for suspected physical abuse, suspected medical neglect and suspected sexual abuse.

I don’t know why, but I am still at times amazed at the amount of damage done to our kids at the hands of those who are supposed to love, support and watch over them.

Making DCF reports or Baker Acting a client is never the easiest thing to do. Often times clients are initially angry, or scared, but many times they are relieved to finally be getting help, and more often than not, after it’s all over with, they are grateful someone cared enough to get them help.

I even had a mother come in to try to assure me that her daughter is not being abused by her husband, but I tend to believe what her daughter is telling me and will support the daughter psychologically while DCF does their own investigation.

I also had three of my female clients this week tell me that they thought they were pregnant.

I always hate hearing this because I know the affect having a child can have on these inner-city young girls who have enough to overcome already.

Most of the times these young girls think that they can get pregnant and nothing in their lives will change. I remind them that every girl that was in my program last year that got pregnant have dropped out of school.

I was saddened also that these three young girls, all good and intelligent students, weren’t using protection and are potentially pregnant by guys that aren’t even their boyfriends.

It’s one thing to be pregnant by a boy who is supposed to be committed to them, but it’s another thing for a young girl to be pregnant by a boy who has no commitment to them at all.

“Hooking up” seems to be the thing with this generation, in which teens are more likely to have no-strings-attached, physical relationships that could include anything from kissing to intercourse.

Friends with benefits definitely seems to be more popular than actual dating, at least on the campus I work at.

These girls I am referring to, of course really like these boys and want to be with them in a monogamous relationship, but are willing to accept the friends with benefit role, which gives these boys no real reason to commit and give the girl what she truly wants, a relationship with a guy that cares for only her.

These young girls, as much as they would hate to admit it, aren’t emotionally prepared for no-strings attached sex as well as they think, which is one reason many of them are so angry, depressed, emotional and unhappy.

They are clueless about the connection between the body, the heart and the mind.

Luckily, so far one out of the three girls I mentioned has found out she is not pregnant, while the other two are too afraid to take pregnancy tests or go to their family doctor, so they are practicing the wait, see, and pray method.

Two of the girls asked me if I was mad at them (I’ve counseled them numerous times about self-esteem, self-respect, abstinence and using protection if they are going to be sexually active).

I told  them that I wasn’t mad and that I never get mad at them, because it’s true. I did admit to them that I was a bit disappointed in them, because that too is true.

I still care for them and support them unconditionally, even when I don’t like the decisions they’ve made..

Hopefully in the next few days, the other two girls will find out if they are pregnant or not so I can either help them learn to prevent this from happening again anytime soon, or help them prepare to be the best teenage mothers they can be.

Popular Psychology

Is Helping Egotistic or Altruistic?

by Torey C. Richards, LMHC5 Comments on Is Helping Egotistic or Altruistic?

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This past weekend on my way home at past 3 a.m., I saw a car on the side of the interstate with it’s hazard lights on. As I got closer to my exit, I noticed that it was four young ladies trying to change a flat tire.

I got off on my exit thinking that someone else would stop, but I decided to get back on the interstate to check on them. That required me getting back on the interstate going in the opposite direction, just to get off at the next exit, get back on and come back in their direction.

This took me close to ten minutes and I thought for sure, by then either someone else would have stopped (the interstate was quite busy for 3 a.m.) or that they would have figured it out by then.

As I approached their car on the interstate, it was obvious that neither had happened.

I stopped and asked if they needed help, and they all said in unison “please”. So at 3 a.m. I got down and dirty and changed their tire. It only took about ten minutes and they were very grateful.

They commented that they had seen at least four police cars pass by and they couldn’t believe no one stopped to help them. They thanked me for rescuing them from being stranded and we went our separate ways.

This isn’t the first time I have been in this type of situation.

Once at a nightclub I heard a lot of commotion and saw a guy beating up a girl while dozens of people others by watching in horror. I fought my way through a crowd of people, thinking that by the time I got to that side of the club, someone else would have stepped in, but no one did.

I ended up being the one pulling the guy off the girl. I was shocked at how many others just stood by and watched.

A similar incident happened years later in a Walmart parking lot when someone was being attacked in their car by a guy. I heard the screaming, saw a crowd of people standing around and watching, and then noticed someone helpless was being assaulted.

I ran across the parking lot, thinking once again, by the time I got there someone else would have intervened, but no one did, and once again I ended up being the one pulling the attacker off of his victim while others stood around and watched (someone did call 911 but they didn’t get there for at least another ten minutes).

I am not recommending anybody should do either of the three things I mentioned above because it could have ended up badly, but it got me to thinking about why I felt the need to help in those situations and why do we in general, help others.

While most of us like to think that when we are helping others we are being purely altruistic, often times we are helping for egotistic reasons.

Egotistic helping is motivated by a desire of the person helping, to advance their interest, rather than the interest of the person being helped. The person being helped may benefit, but that wasn’t the sole purpose of the helping.

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This occurs during times such as:

  • we are just doing our jobs
  • are interested in a challenge
  • seeking power, fame, or recognition
  • want to feel like a savior, rescuer, etc.

Some theorists believe that all helping is egotistic and that even when we are helping others, we are working for our own self-interest. This is called egoistic reduction, in which all helping is in the service of self-interest.

According to this theory, I intervened in the three examples above to be Superman, to rescue stranded, helpless individuals, and not purely for altruistic reasons.

Another psychological theory called negative state relive hypothesis says that we help to reduce the feelings of guilt we may feel if we didn’t help.

In the above scenarios, I agree that this may have been the case. Maybe I helped because if I didn’t, I would have felt guilty, if only briefly for not intervening when I could have.

Both of these are forms of egotistic helping, although other people benefited from my self-serving motives.

Other factors influence rather we are likely to help others or not such as:

  • the weather
  • our mood
  • ambiant noise
  • if we are in a hurry
  • if we think other people are looking
  • the attractiveness of the person
  • the gender.of the person

We are also more likely to help those that we feel are similar to us. This is called similarity bias, a form of reflexive favoritism we usually don’t even know we are influenced by.

Lastly, according to evolutionary psychology, we help others because it’s in our DNA.

We help because we are all products of other humans who benefited from helping to ensure the continuation of our species. To understand this instinct we may call it altruism or morality, but it is ultimately instinctual.

If you look at helping this way, then all helping is egotistic as it serves to help pass on our genes as human beings to the next generation.

So why do we really help? Is it purely egotistic or biological? Chances are it is a combination of altruism, egotistic motives, situations and biological factors.

In the situation on the interstate, I know for a fact that I stopped because it was four attractive young ladies. I wanted to help because I knew it would feel good to be the savior, I was worried about their safety and would feel guilty if I kept going.

The next time you help someone, ask yourself why are you really helping? You may be surprised at the answer.

Popular Psychology

On Jovan Belcher, Murder-Suicide and Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy in NFL Players

by Torey C. Richards, LMHC6 Comments on On Jovan Belcher, Murder-Suicide and Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy in NFL Players

67-300x210Like a lot of people, I was shocked when I first heard the tragic news that National Football League (NFL) player Jovan Belcher had shot and killed his girlfriend, 22 year old Kasandra Perkins, before killing himself in front of the stadium his team played and practiced at last week.

Shocked at first because here was a guy, 25 years old, in the the prime of his life, making millions of dollars and yet for whatever reason, got to a point where he thought the only way out was to take the life of his 22 year old girlfriend and the mother to his infant child.

I don’t have any intimate details about Jovan Belcher or his relationship with his girlfriend, but I think it’s safe to say that Belcher was not in his right mind when he committed this tragedy and that the biggest victim of this incident is the orphaned child left behind.

I also think it’s safe to say that this was an act of domestic violence, even if the couple had no history of domestic violence, because killing your spouse, even in a fit of rage, is the ultimate act of domestic violence.

In my area, there has been a rash of domestic violence situations that have lead to homicide or murder-suicides lately. Most of these men were mentally/emotionally disturbed individuals.

A lot of times this type of incident comes from the desire to control other people and situations that we cannot control.

Sometimes when someone feels like they have exhausted themselves of every rational choice, they resort to very irrational and in this case, permanent choices that are destructive.

Also, many people who commit suicide often do not plan it, but do so impulsively.This seems to be the case often, especially when it comes to men.

In a fit of anger, irrational thinking, and/or sadness, picking up a gun and pulling the trigger probably wasn’t thought out completely, put an impulsive reaction.

Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE) is a degenerative brain disease that is seen in some people who have had multiple concussions or head injuries.

CTE and many similar conditions strike numerous NFL players, boxers, wrestlers, hockey players and soldiers, often leading to poor memory, coordination, depression and impulsive behavior.

Signs of CTE were seen in former NFL player Junior Seau, who shot himself in the chest in 2012. NFL player Dave Duerson, who before committing suicide, sent a text message to his family asking that his brain be donated to the Boston University research center because he felt as if his brain was “sick”.

Other recent NFL suicides include former NFL player Ray Easterling who shot himself in April, and 25 year old NFL player O.J. Murdock who shot himself in July.

Signs of CTE were also seen in an University of Pennsylvania Football player, who abruptly committed suicide in 2010.

Signs of CTE and other degenerative brain conditions are also showing up in Afghan and Iraq war veterans, many of them have committed suicide and other tragic, impulsive acts as well.

I’m not saying that CTE or any other brain condition was the cause of this tragedy, but I think it has to be taken into consideration as well as Belcher’s mental state.

Like in the military, in the NFL and other male professional sports, it’s often not popular to talk about feelings or problems, so men don’t. They hold it in and deal with them in the best way they know how, often ending up in situations where the only way they see out is through destruction of some type (violence, alcohol, drugs, etc.).

Maybe if Belcher had someone he felt he could talk to about what was going on, this wouldn’t have happened, who knows.

I do know that our society discourages men in most cases from talking about how they really feel and that in turn often leads to angry, depressed, damaged, frustrated, and hurt men who sometimes go on to hurt themselves and/or others.

I don’t want to speculate too much on this situation, but I do want us as a society to talk more about men dealing with their feelings and breaking through the stereotypes of manhood and letting men know it’s okay to ask for help.

Six current or former football players have killed themselves in the last two years, four in the last eight months.

Maybe this goes along with the CTE and impulse control theory or with men not talking about their problems theory. In my opinion, in many circumstances it may be a combination of both.

This is disturbing. Even without looking at CTE, this gives us a quick glimpse into the state of men in general when it comes to mental/emotional health.