Tag: life

Popular Psychology

How to Resuscitate Your Life

by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment on How to Resuscitate Your Life

The other day as I was sitting in a CPR recertification class, I couldn’t help but to think how could I apply the principles of CPR to my daily life.

Compressions

In the CPR recertification class we were taught that compressions are the most important part of CPR, keeping the blood flowing through the body. That got me to thinking that when it comes to resuscitating your life, perhaps the most important thing is to find, or rediscover the things you love and actually do them.

Many of us have hobbies or things we love to do, yet often allow the stressors of daily life to rob us of those joys and before we know it, it’s been weeks, months and sometimes even years since we’ve done those very things we claim to love. As a result we often find ourselves feeling drained, burnt out and unhappy as our time is spent more and more with obligations and less and less with the things that actually make us excited about life. This leads many of us to feel like we have lost a part of ourselves and sometimes don’t even know who we are because the real us has been smothered by this other person who doesn’t have time to do the things that actually make our hearts beat with joy.

Breathing

The second part of CPR is breathing, and I take that to mean breathing life back into yourself. Sometimes it’s easy to just come home from work and do nothing because we are tired and before we know it, a whole year has passed by without us accomplishing many of our goals or developing our personal lives the way we would have wanted to. We have to find motivation and inspiration to actually live life, be active participates in life and not just participate in it passively. What is it you need to do to breath life back into yourself? Maybe it’s getting up and going for a walk instead of taking a nap, or calling a friend instead of texting. Maybe it’s registering for a class you’ve always wanted to take, but never find the time or motivation to actually do it. Our maybe it’s surrounding yourself with people you know will help breath life back into you.

AED

Lastly, if all else fails in CPR, an Automatic External Defibrillator may be required to try to shock the person back into life. Do you need a jolt? Do you need to jump in head first in order to get past your initially trepidation? I know a friend who was afraid of heights and he signed up to sky dive as a way to overcome his fear. I’m not suggestion something so drastic, but what I am suggesting is that you push yourself out of your comfort zone if you know the reward for that is worth it. I know overweight people who are afraid to join gyms because they think people will look at them. Truth is, most people in a gym could care less and will actually compliment them when they start seeing results. They could find encouragement there, make friends, find motivation, but they can’t get over that initial fear enough to even step foot into the gym. Do you need to push yourself through that door, step into that uncomfortableness, recognize and accept that you feel uncomfortable, but know that it will pass and you will be a better person because of it?

Here is a very short list of suggestions, I would like to hear more from you and you can always create your own personalized list. Now, go out and reclaim your life!

  1. Eat some chocolate
  2. Go for a walk
  3. Take a three minute breathing space
  4. Do something pleasureable
  5. Meditate
  6. Be mindful of yourself and surroundings (mindfulness is something we will talk about in another post)
  7. Keep a gratitude journal
  8. Go to a movie
  9. Go for a walk
  10. Call an old friend
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Looking at the Five Stages of Grief in Our Daily Lives

by Torey C. Richards, LMHC1 Comment on Looking at the Five Stages of Grief in Our Daily Lives

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross developed the five stages of grief theory after her work with terminally ill patients. It is a widely used theory used to explain what happens when people are coping with dying and now is even used outside of death to include any experience of loss including divorce, separation and bereavement.  The five stages are:

  1. Denial- “I am fine”
  2. Anger- “Why me! It’s not fair!”
  3. Bargaining- “I’ll do anything for a few more years!” “I promise to go to church everyday!”
  4. Depression- “I’m dying, what’s the point of trying to be happy?”
  5. Acceptance- “I can’t fight it. It’s happening. I might as well be prepared for it the best way I can.”

People often go through these stages in different orders and sometimes from one to the other and back again. For example, someone can be in acceptance and go back to bargaining, or go from denial to depression while skipping anger and bargaining. While this theory has most widely been studied and accepted in dealing with the dying and grieving, in my experience, I’ve notice that it seems to apply outside of these populations.

The Five Stages of Grief Outside of The Grieving Population

  • Substance Abuse

In working with substance abuse users, they often times also experience the five stages of grief. There is a period of denial that there is a problem, anger that there may be a problem, pleading with themselves or a higher power to take away the problem, a period of depression as the reality of the problem starts to set in and then acceptance eventually sets in, more so in those seeking treatment compared to those who do not seek help and seem to remain in the denial stage. Even family members of substance abusers tend to go through the stages of grief in dealing with the family member who is abusing substances.

  • Loss of a Relationship/Affair
Often times the unseen or unwanted end of a relationship sends someone through the five stages of grief. The same sometimes happens when an affair is discovered or sensed. The person first is in denial and then as further evidence is discovered, the person becomes angry and then bargains with themselves, the other person, the universe or whoever for this not to be happening, and then they usually fall into a depression and then eventually acceptance which allows them to try to deal with the reality of the situation in a healthy way.
  • Sexual Abuse
 In cases of sexual abuse, families often go through the five stages of grief. Sometimes it’s a mother who goes through the stages when confronted with evidence or suspicion that one of her kids is being molested by a new boyfriend. Recently I started working with a young girl who was sexually abused by her uncle, who had recently gotten out of prison for sexually assaulting a minor,  but still no one in her family believed her until a year later when her younger sister became pregnant with her uncle’s baby. That tragedy could have been avoided if the family would have not stayed in the denial stage for so long in realizing that her uncle was a sexual predator.
  • Mental Illness
I wrote in a previous post about parents denial of their child’s mental illness. From my experience, parents often go through the five stages of grief when it comes to facing the fact that their child has certain challenges such as ADHD, anxiety or mood disorders or even more severe issues. Mentally ill individuals also sometimes go through the fives stages of grief, not wanting to admit or accept that they may have a depressive disorder, an anger problem, or whatever it may be. This is what usually keeps them from seeking help for years until they finally reach the acceptance stage.
  • Everyday Life
I know there are many other times and situations in which the five stages of grief can be applied, but the ones I named above are the ones I seem to deal with the most. How have the five stages of grief showed up in your life? Have you been diagnosed with an illness and went through a period of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance? I know when I was diagnosed with type II diabetes I went through the five stages of grief and it was only when I reached the acceptance stage that I was able to actively take control of my life.