teens – Page 2 – Licensed Mental Health Counselor

How The Internet And Technology Are Affecting Our Teens

4 Apr 20134 Apr 2013by Torey C. Richards, LMHC4 Comments

Today’s children are using the technology and internet more than ever, with approximately 93 percent of them online and at least 73 percent of them using social networking sites, while 75 percent of them own cell phones according to data from Pew Internet American Life Project.

With this increased presence on the internet and use of smartphones and tablets comes concerns by teachers, parents and counselors when it comes to what exactly are our kids doing online and on their smart devices.

The media fuels much anxiety when they report on issues such as “sexting” with young people sending provocative photographs of each other back and forth through their cell phones. Images that can end up in the wrong hands. Even videos of risque and sexual activities are spread through cell phones and often end up going viral and creating new avenues for harrassment, bullying and embarrassment that may seem inescapable.

Something that may seem like a good idea five minutes ago can end up haunting a teen for weeks, months, or even a lifetime.

The large majority of children and teens who use the internet and cellphones do so responsibly. It is a rather small segment of children who abuse the internet and technology.

Online bullying, also known as cyber-bullying is a real concern as it typically targets kids who are already being bullied or harassed in person. They are most likely already facing multiple challenges as is. With online bullying, kids who are bullied already in person, feel like there is no escape from the bullying as they are also targeted online where the bullying can be relentless due to the hidden nature of the internet.

To some adults and parents this may seem silly, but you have to understand to to teens, much of their social life is conducted online so an attack on their online social life is pretty much an attack on their world.

We all know of the horror stories of teens who were bullied to the point of suicide such as Amanda Cummings. Children who are being bullied are more likely to suffer from depression, suicidal thoughts, social problems, substance abuse and are more likely to have poor relationships with their caregivers.

Teen friendships and relationships are more and more online so they depend more on social networking which is one reason cyber-bullying can be so detrimental.

Look at Manti Te’o’s fake girlfriend situation. Here’s a college age young man that reportedly met and fell in love with someone online he never met. I’ve counseled many young teenage girls who were depressed and suicidal after a break up with someone they met online, but never met in person. This just goes to show how entwined the internet, social networking and technology are to the lives of young people and of course, some of us adults as well.

Some research also tries to suggests that the internet is not giving teens more access to sexual content and that they are still finding it the old fashion way through television, movies and music. This may be true when it comes to suggestive and “soft” content such as kissing, hugging and touching or showing a couple having sex under the covers, but the teens I work with look for the more hardcore content found on the internet. They visit free porn sites on their phones and computers often, usually out of curiosity or for amusement, but still it’s through the internet that they access these hardcore porn sites.

It’s frightening to think that many of these same kids viewing porn on the internet, have parents who are in denial about their teens sexual or potential for sexual activity and have not actually had any real conversations with them about relationships or sex and so while watching this porn, they are also getting education, or mis-education that their parents likely would not approve of.

One thing I have noticed, and what made me want to write this post in the first place is that I think in part because of social networking, today’s teens are less private and understand the meaning of privacy less than teens in the past.

So many times when I am talking with a group of teens, outside of the confidentiality of an actual group setting, one of the teens will start talking about something very personal and private such as thinking that they are pregnant, stating that they just had an abortion or miscarriage, or thinking they may have a sexually transmitted disease, you name it, they’ll blurt it out.

At that point I’ll try to stop them and tell them, “I think this is something we need to talk about in private” and sometimes they will still press on and say “No it’s okay, I don’t mind talking in front of them” and I’ll have to continue stating “No, we need to talk about this in private”.

Many of them seem to have lost the sense of privacy and I contribute at least some of that to the amount of private information they share on social networking sites.

The downfall in that is that some of the private information they share to people who don’t value them or their privacy, will be turned around and used against them, sometimes to the point of harassment and bullying.

They may not realize the fact that they just had an abortion should be kept private, until they read about it from someone else on Twitter or a random stranger comes up and asks them. Then they may be shocked and embarrassed, but they were the ones who originally divulged that information to begin with.

You wouldn’t believe the amount of physical and verbal confrontations I’ve seen between high school girls that started this way.

At the same time, research shows that overuse of social media is linked to poor health, poor grades and symptoms of mental health problems such as narcissism.

Part of the reason for this is because young people often wake up to, live the day through and go to sleep with technology. They wake up checking their text messages, their social media sites and continue that throughout the day until they go to sleep at night, which research suggests is making them more prone to mental health problems, poor grades and even being physically sick more often.

Take for example that teens that study for one hour, focusing on their assignment, do better than teens who study, yet check their text messages or social networking sites periodically while they are studying.

I thought about this as I watched my niece who is a high school junior studying the other night. Her text book was in front of her, her cell phone in her hand and periodically it would light up and she would reply to a text and then go back to studying. I think within a thirty minute period she probably did that about seven to ten times.

Researched done by Larry D. Rosen, PhD. that is not yet published shows that “Whether they checked Facebook just one time during a 15 minute observation period even predicted worse grades”.

Besides narcissism, teens who overuse social media sites also show more signs of other mental disorders such as borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, and antisocial personality disorder.

The news of course isn’t all bad.

While some research shows that teenagers are less empathetic due to being over sensitized to pain and misery on the internet, other studies show that teens who engage in social networking are more likely to show “virtual empathy” which can translate to them showing more actual empathy in the real world.

The internet of course offers us much in the forms of information, education and entertainment, but parents should set clear guidelines and limits early on with their teens about the internet and technology they use to avoid overuse and abuse.

Popular Psychology

A Brief Look At Prescription Drug Use In Teenagers

28 Mar 201327 Mar 2013by Torey C. Richards, LMHC1 Comment

I’ve spent a lot of time speaking with parents about teen substance abuse and still find it amazing that most parents are worried more about their child’s friends or a drug dealer exposing them to hard drugs and are still ignorant to the potential for drug abuse the lies right in their own homes.

They still worry about their kids being exposed to alcohol and marijuana, which they should be, but they aren’t worried about what is already in their medicine cabinets, especially prescription painkillers.

With this generation of teenagers, the use of prescription painkiller abuse is up forty percent compared to previous generations according to the University of Colorado Denver researchers, making prescription drug abuse the second most common type of illegal drug use after marijuana.

Teenagers today are turning to Vicodin, Oxycontin and Valium found right at home with prescriptions filled by their parents or other relatives. Many kids often then take these painkillers to school and share/sell them to their peers.

A few schools in my area have a big enough problem with prescription drug use that they do regular searches complete with drug sniffing dogs and all. I’ve worked with a handful of teens addicted to Xanax and Oxycontin that they get right from their own homes.

Often they don’t even know the strength of the drug (or how to read the strength), making the potential for accidentally overdosing extremely high. To top it off, teens often mix taking pills with alcohol which can easily lead to a medical emergency such as respiratory arrest and even death.

According to the Los Angeles Times, 2011, “Drugs exceeded motor vehicle accidents as a cause of death in 2009, killing at least 37,485 people nationwide, according to preliminary data from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.”

Also, some scientist believe that the teenage brain, which is still developing until the early 20’s, is especially susceptible to chemicals which can cause changes in the brain and lead to a lifelong battle with addiction.

Why The Epidemic?

Prescription drugs are more available today than ever, which explains the explosion of prescription drug use in teens. There are so many prescription pills around the house that it is easy for teens to procure them from family members and friends.

We are not talking about pill mills here where adults go to get their fix to prescription medication from shady doctors, but we are talking about legit doctors who may be over-prescribing medications to people who may or may not need the stronger, more addicting medications.

Some parents may also like the “buzz” they get from their prescription pills although they may not abuse them the way their teens are likely to.

Many teens also think that prescription drugs are harmless because they are prescribed by a doctor, their parents take them and their legal. This false since of safety is a dangerous one as hospital emergency rooms around the country are seeing thousands of teens each year due to prescription drug overdose.

What Can Parents Do?

Parents should talk to their teens about prescription drugs, just as they should about other drugs and alcohol. They should also look for signs of prescription drug use such as sleepiness, weight loss, slurred speech and decrease in academic performance.

Parents who have prescription pills should keep them locked up so not to tempt their teens. Treat them as if they were a loaded gun, locked and hidden out of sight.

Parents should also talk openly with their teens about family history of drug abuse just as they would about a family history of other medical illnesses.

It’s amazing how many parents never talk about the long history of addiction, alcoholism or even mental illness in their families, but are surprised when their child finds themselves using and unable to stop using drugs or alcohol.

It’s only fair that a teen know about their vulnerability to addiction so that hopefully that will be an extra motivation to stay away from potentially life changing behaviors.

Motivating Your Unmotivated Teen Part 3: The Stages Of Change

14 Mar 201314 Mar 2013by Torey C. Richards, LMHC2 Comments

All changes has both negative and positive consequences, which is why it is normal for people to want to change and not want to change simultaneously.

That is the hallmark of ambivalence.

Indecisiveness is a natural part of the change process and something that often drives parents crazy when they are trying to move their teenager in a certain direction that may seem like the obvious better decision to them.

It is natural however to be ambivalent about change, to be hesitant and unsure if the change is worth making.

For example, while doing better in school may allow for a teen to have more freedom at home, get better grades and improve their chances of going to college, the extra time spent studying may come at the cost of less time available to spend with friends, for after school activities or with a boyfriend and that may determine if the cost outweigh the benefits in the teen’s mind.

That’s why it’s important to know that teens may both want to do better and at the same time, not want to do better and are probably unaware of this ambivalence. The indecisiveness has to be resolved in order for the teen to see the value in the change, or little to no improvement is likely to happen.

Helping your child resolve the ambivalence may be all that is needed. By having a relationship with your child that allows open, non-judgmental communication and acceptance, the indecisiveness may be resolved on it’s own which may be all that’s needed to get the teenager to reflect on their situations and decisions.

The Stages of Change

When change happens it’s not usually on motion, instead it usually happens in five stages, identified in Motivational Interviewing through research done by James Prochaska as pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action and maintenance.

1. Pre-contemplation:

In pre-contemplation, the teen hasn’t given any consideration to change. They see no reason to change. They don’t see a downside to their current situation, so the thought of changing hasn’t even entered into their head.

Trying to force change when your teen is in the pre-contemplation is a battle you are not likely to win, and may even sabotage motivation and the possibilities of change.

Dennis Bumgarner, ACSW, LCSW finds it helpful to ask “what if” questions when your teen is in the pre-contemplation stage, such as, “What if your grades improved?”, “What wouldn’t be different?”, “What will happen if things continue in their current direction?”, “What would be different if you did improve?”

During pre-contemplation, you want to ask questions that don’t take a particular position, but questions that get your teen to think and this thinking is what is going to move them to the contemplation phase.

When your child starts considering making a change, remember that they are still considering making the change, so fight the urge to push them too hard or start making plans for their future or they are likely to pull back.

2. Contemplation

At this phase, your teenager is considering the pros and cons of changing. They are thinking, “Maybe I should do something about my current situation.” It’s easy for parents to get overly excited at this point and start helping the teenager make plans for what they need to do to make the changes. This push may be too much and cause your teen to not move forward.

Instead, ask questions that continue to get them thinking and reminds them that you are not the expert. You are here to listen to them, hear what they are thinking and not to offer or force your opinions. You are merely being an agent of change.

Ask questions instead of making statements. Try to avoid offering advice, but instead listen as your teen contemplates making a change.

You do not want to tell your teenager how to change or try to try to make them change at this point, but what you are doing is sparking their intrinsic desire for change. Remember, intrinsic motivation is more powerful and long lasting than extrinsic motivation, so this is what you want to elicit in your teen by guiding them to and allowing them to find their own motivations for change.

3. Preparation

At this phase, thanks to your guidance, your teenager has worked through much of the ambivalence. He or she has decided to start making some changes. Perhaps they have met a study buddy, signed up for the ACT or asked a teacher for extra help. They are literally preparing to make a change.

Once again, it’s easy at this stage to get overly excited and pushy, but don’t. Instead, allow your child to make the preparations and resist the urge to help unless asked, and even then don’t over do it. Show interest and ask questions that are genuine, but not questions that appear to be to intruding and critical.

The contemplation and preparation phases are considered to be the most important part of the change process and it’s easy to sabotage your teen’s motivation at this point by going back to old ways of dealing with their unapproved behavior.

It’s natural for people to go back and forth between preparation and contemplation, and so it’s easy for parents to see this as a sign that their teen is unmotivated or unwilling to change.

Instead of looking at this as a negative, understand that it’s a natural part of the change process as what may appear to be a simple change to you may be worth considerable contemplation by your teenager.

Don’t be frustrated or judgemental, but allow your teenager space to prepare for the change at hand. Continue to support them through genuine questions and as always, listening to their thoughts.

4. Action

At this stage, your teen is actually making the change. They are actually studying, doing homework, going to all their classes, whatever the change may be. They may from time to time revert back to one of the earlier stages, but for the most part, they are making steady change and progress.

At this stage, parents are thrilled that their teen is making better choices and that’s natural, but refuse the urge to become a cheerleader. Remember, this change is not about you, but about your teenager. It’s okay to ask them what has this successful change been like for them, and that simple question is saying a lot.

Your teen may stumble as they continue to find their way through this change and that’s okay. Don’t jump in to redirect them unless they ask for it.

It’s very important that they do this on their own so at the end of the day they will know that they were responsible for making a positive change in their life and they can do it again and again.

Helping them build self-efficacy is one of the greatest gifts a parent can give to a child.

5. Maintenance

When your child has maintained the change for six months, they are in the maintenance stage. You are very proud of the changes your teenager has made. There is likely less arguing going on and more peace in the house as you have made successful efforts in motivating your teenager!

Next post we will discuss key concepts of motivation including goals and empathy.

Popular Psychology

Motivating Your Unmotivated Teen Part 2: Understanding Change

12 Mar 2013by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

In part one we started discussing the importance of having a good relationship with your adolescent in order to help facilitate motivation and change.

Often times, too many parents try to motivate their child instead of developing motivation as a function of their relationship with their child. That means that you have to serve as a source of motivation in someway.

You can’t expect your teenager to want to do something different if you haven’t demonstrated motivation and change behavior in your own life, or if your efforts to motivate them include constant nagging and criticism.

Sometimes that is all that is needed, for a teenager to be in a relationship with other people that are inspiring.

For example, I have a running partner who is a much better runner than I am, yet running with him has motivated me. He encourages me sometimes, but for the most part, I run to not disappoint him and because I enjoy his company. In the process, I became a better runner which motivated me to continue running. The key factor in that is the relationship with my running partner that helped start the process and the motivation to continue it.

It would have been nearly impossible for me to find motivation in our running relationship if he was always cancelling or if he showed up just to show me up. The same principles apply for parents trying to help their teens find motivation. They have to have a motivating relationship.

Motivation Is Change Oriented Movement.

That is the simplest definition of motivation. This definition focuses on motivation as a matter of change that is directed towards behavior, not thinking. When it comes to motivation, it’s often more important to focus on changing the behavior and not the thinking, but changes in thinking generally follow changes in behavior. But why do people change? What makes people, especially teenagers, decide to do something different? What factors and circumstances have to come into place to facilitate change?

Why Do Adolescents Change?

Many people believe that people change to avoid discomfort. Often however, unpleasant feelings and experiences actually decrease the chances of someone taking action, which is another reason punishments often don’t have the long term effect they were intended to have.

There are three conditions that need to be in place for change to happen:

1. The change has to be associated with intrinsic value.

Even external consequences that have intrinsic value can work, but the teen has to find intrinsic value in the change in order for it to occur and be long lasting. You have to have a relationship with your child that allows you to discover what is intrinsically valuable to your child. Trying to do that through punishments and groundings is usually futile.

2. Your teen has to be able, willing and ready to change.

This is where a lot of parents fail, not understanding that their teenager won’t change until they are capable of making the change, are willing to make the change and then is willing to make the change. You can not push your teenager into making a change they are unwilling or not ready to make, all you are going to get is defiance and discord.

Change can not be forced on anyone, no matter how important you think the change may be or how much it makes sense. Change will only come when your teenager is willing, ready and capable of making the change required.

3. The teenager has to be in a safe, empowering and accepting environment.

Your teen’s primary environment is their relationship with you, which means you have to provide a safe, empowering and accepting relationship if you want to see your teenager make positive changes.

The number one factor in providing this type of environment/relationship is having unconditional positive regard, where your teen can feel free to express their thoughts and emotions without criticism. This doesn’t mean that you will tolerate uncivil or inappropriate behavior from your child, but it does mean that you will not try to change their thoughts.

Communication is also key in developing the type of environment necessary for change.

This means having open, non-judgmental conversations about the problem and sometimes this alone can be enough to facilitate the motivational and change processes. This can be hard for parents to do because they are used to talking, dictating and teaching, when listening to their teenager is often more productive.

Your teenager wants to be listened to. Dictating to them what they need to do is usually a sure way to kill motivation, not induce it.

Accept your teenager for who they are.

By accepting your teen for who they are, you make room for motivation and change. If however, you criticize your teen for who they are, they are more likely to actually feel unmotivated to make any changes you would like to see them make. Acceptance facilitates change, but it doesn’t guarantee it.

Acceptance doesn’t mean that you approve of your teenager’s behavior, it just means that you are not going to criticize or judge them. There is a right time for useful criticism that we will discuss in another segment.

Next post we will discuss indecisiveness and the stages of change which are important to understand when trying to understand the change process.

Motivating Your Unmotivated Teen Part One: Understanding Motivation

11 Mar 201312 Mar 2013by Torey C. Richards, LMHCLeave a Comment

The other day while counseling a fifteen year old boy with very little motivation, failing grades and a poor attitude that is driving his mother crazy, I found myself thinking, how can I motivate him to care about his life and future.

I realized immediately after I had that thought that I was making a critical error in my thinking, one that millions of parents make every single day. I was trying to figure out a way to motivate this young man, to make him want to change, when in actuality, we can’t make anyone change.

The subject of change is a very interesting one, as we all change multiple times throughout our lives and usually know when change is needed, but when it comes to working with adolescents, they often seem unwilling to change even when we as adults know that making a change for the better would be beneficial to them.

This young man’s mother had tried many different things to make him change, including giving him incentives like allowances or extra time playing his video games, to punishments such as taking away privileges and scolding him.

She has made the same mistakes that many parents make.

External Consequences Rarely Work

Applying external consequences works on some adolescents, but not on all, and even when they don’t work, parents continue to try them and are frustrated when they don’t work.

Think about the high recidivism rate among criminals or the way countries like Cuba and North Korea seem to thumb their noses at the world even in the face of increased sanctions. External consequences, positive or negative, rarely work.

If you have been trying punishments or rewards with your adolescent and aren’t getting the results you were hoping for, it’s time to start thinking about doing something different.

Talking Sense Into Them

Another thing parents often do that can backfire is that they hound their adolescent, trying to lecture them into change. Usually it’s with good intent, but lectures can actually have the opposite effect of what they were intended to do.

When parents lecture their teens, they tell them how smart they are, how talented they are, etc., yet if the teen doesn’t believe this about him or herself, they are usually going to think that their parents either:

don’t really know them, which means that their parents will lose some credibility with their teen, or
the teen will feel even worse for wasting their talents or intelligence and become even less encouraged and motivated.

Think about listening to a motivational speech. They usually motivate you for a short while or they demotivate you, making you feel incapable of accomplishing what you are being told you can.

These external influences work even less if the teen is already unmotivated, overwhelmed, disheartened, demoralized or anxious in the first place when it comes to school and/or their future.

Instead of lecturing, it’s good to listen more to what your adolescent values, feels and thinks about themselves and what they want. By listening more, you will learn and understand your teenager better so that when you do talk to them, you won’t come off as patronizing.

You Can’t Motivate Anyone or Make Anyone Change

Over the years I’ve helped many adolescents change, stop using drugs, start making better grades and even graduate and go off to college, but I can’t say I motivated or changed any of them.

I know that what is going to motivate the young man I am working with, just like the teens I’ve helped in the past, isn’t going to come from me. I know that I can only help to facilitate change and motivation, but I can not make him change or to become motivated.

Like most parents, his mom thought that she could motivate him to change. That if he got motivated, he would do the work, but that is not how motivation tends to work.

We rarely get motivated and then do something, but instead start doing something, like the outcome of what we are doing and then get motivated to continue doing it.

Think about when you are cleaning your house or trying to lose weight.

You may “feel” motivated to clean or lose weight, but usually once you see the house start looking a little cleaner, or the weight falling off, you get motivated to continue. That’s where the bulk of the motivation comes from. We do something and then get motivated.

For instance, if I waited until I was motivated to workout, I would rarely workout. More than half the time I don’t feel like working out, but I force myself to go to the gym and once there, I usually find motivation from seeing other people working out, or once I start my work out I just feel motivated to workout harder.

Your teenager may not be motivated to study, but if he or she sees their grades go up from studying, they will probably become motivated to continue studying.

Doing Something Different

So I know that I can’t motivate this young man and his mom had been trying unsuccessfully for years to motivate him. What we can do however is to try getting him to do something different that will hopefully inspire motivation from within.

Intrinsic motivation is far more powerful and long lasting than extrinsic motivation.

Parents often waste a lot of time trying to get their teenagers to change the way they think, and I too often do the same as part of cognitive behavioral therapy, but when it comes to motivation, this isn’t usually the most effective way to bring about change. Instead, what we want to do is try to change their behavior, at least to get the desired behavior started in hopes that doing something different will elicit motivation and thus change the way they think.

You never know where motivation is going to come from.

I once asked a teenager to try to study for one hour a day and one hour only (he had been studying none at all). By studying one hour a day, he managed to get a “C” on an exam when he had gotten “D’s” and “F’s” on all previous exams. His teacher then complimented him on his “C” and so did a girl he liked. He then started studying more than an hour a week and his grades rose to “A’s” and “B’s”.

His parents were elated at my “ability to motivate” their son, but I knew that all I did was move him in the direction of the desired behavior and the motivation came from himself and his world. Once he saw the results of his behavior, the motivation followed.

It’s important to have the type of relationship with your teen that encourages motivation. We’ll discuss more of that in part two as well as understanding change and the conditions that facilitate change in teenagers.

note: when I discuss the topic of teens, I often say parents, but this applies to anyone who has a teen in their life, no matter if they are family members, students or if you are a mentor in anyway.

Abnormal Psychology, Popular Psychology

Childhood PTSD AND Trauma: Part 1

22 Feb 2013by Torey C. Richards, LMHC2 Comments

Imagine a four-year-old child found covered in blood, lying over her mother’s naked, dead body, whimpering incoherently. She’s witnessed her mother being raped and murdered, and her own throat had been cut, twice in an attempt to leave behind no witnesses. She’s alone with her mother for approximately eleven hours before she is discovered.

After being hospitalized she is released as a ward of the state and put into foster care with no follow up treatment for the trauma she experienced.

How will she go on through life with those images etched in her mind? How will she survive psychologically? How will her mind protect her from such traumatic experiences?

This story is unfortunately a very true story, one of several stories of childhood trauma that can be found in the book, The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog by Bruce Perry and Maia Szalavaitz.

Tragedies like this occur across our nation and the world everyday, leaving behind sometimes physical, but always emotional and psychological scars.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a condition that 30 or so years ago was reserved only for soldiers who had experienced traumatic events at war. It was later recognized that rape survivors, people who had been through terrible accidents or natural disaster, also exhibited symptoms of PTSD including flashback, hyper-vigilance and avoidance behaviors.

When it came to children however, the mental health and medical fields were slow to realize the impact of trauma on their lives.

Children were thought to be naturally resilient and would “bounce back” without the aid of any type of support or treatment. Those same children who had experienced trauma would often later develop psychiatric problems, depression and attention issues that would sometimes led to medication.

We know now that children who have live through tragedies, are just as affected as adults, perhaps even more so. This is evident in the great way the mental health community around the nation responded to the Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy.

What Causes PTSD?

PTSD can occur in anyone who has lived through an event in which they could have been killed or severely hurt or where they witnessed someone else getting killed or severely hurt. These can include violent crimes, physical or sexual abuse, someone close to them committing suicide, car crashes, shootings, war and natural disasters just to name a few.

Approximately 40% of children by the age of 18 will experience a traumatic event, which includes the loss of a parent or sibling and domestic violence. In the United States, child protective services receives an estimated 3 million reports of abuse and neglect yearly, involving approximately 5.5 million kids. About 30% of all those cases show proof of abuse:

65% neglect
18% physical abuse
10% sexual abuse
7% psychological (mental) abuse

This of course doesn’t include the estimate 66% of child abuse cases that are never reported.

The Likely Hood Of PTSD Developing

Girls are more likely than boys to develop PTSD symptoms. Approximately 3-15% of girls and 1-6% of boys who experience a trauma will develop PTSD. The chances of developing PTSD are higher depending on the type of trauma experienced. Some of the risk factors for PTSD include:

How severe the trauma was
How the parents react to the trauma
How close or far away that child is from the trauma

Of course children who go through the most severe traumas have the highest level and severity of PTSD symptoms. Incidents where people are hurting other people such as assault and rape, tend to result in PTSD more frequently. Children who have healthy support systems tend to have less severe symptoms.

The age of the child during the traumatic experience doesn’t seem to effect rather PTSD symptoms will develop, however PTSD looks different in children of different ages.

What Does PTSD Look Like In Children Ages 5-12?

children may not have flashbacks or problems remembering parts of the trauma like adults with PTSD often do.
Children might, however put the events of the trauma in the wrong order.
They might also think there were signs that the trauma was going to happen and thus they think that they will see these signs again before another trauma happens.
They think that if they pay attention, they can avoid future traumas which can lead to hyper-vigilance.

Children around this age may also show signs of PTSD during their play. They may keep reenacting part of the trauma. For instance, a child who has seen a shooting may want to play video games involving shootings or carry a gun to school.

Teens (ages 12-18)

In teens, some of the PTSD symptoms may be similar to those of adults including flashbacks, reoccurring nightmares about the event, hyper-vigilance and exaggerated startle responses. Teens are more likely than children or adults to show aggressive and impulsive behavior.

What are the other effects of trauma on children?

Other effects of trauma on children from PTSD comes from research done with children who have been through sexual abuse. They include:

fear
worry
sadness
anger
feeling alone and apart from others
feeling as if people are looking down on them
low self-worth
not being able to trust others
undesired behaviors such as aggression, out-of-place sexual behavior, self-harm, and abuse of drugs or alcohol

For many children, PTSD symptoms go away on their own after a few months. Yet some children show symptoms for years and possibly a lifetime if they do not get treatment.

How Is PTSD Treated In Children?

For some children, the symptoms of PTSD will go away on their own with healthy supports and when they aren’t being re-traumatized by anxious parents or the media. For others, they may need professional help including:

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy such as Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Psychological first aid/crisis management
Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR)
Play therapy
Special treatments may be necessary for children who show out-of-place sexual behaviors, extreme behavior problems, or problems with drugs or alcohol.

What Can You Do To Help?

Educated yourself on PTSD and pay attention to your child for signs such as anger, avoidance of certain places and people, problems with friends, academic changes and sleep problems. If you need professional help, find a therapist in your area that treats PTSD and that your child feels comfortable with. Where to Get Help .

Sources: The National Center for PTSD

Popular Psychology

The School To Prison Pipeline

15 Feb 201313 Feb 2013by Torey C. Richards, LMHC2 Comments

The school-to-prison pipeline is a widespread pattern across the United States that pushes students, particularly disadvantaged students, out of schools and into the criminal justice system.

This is largely due to public institutions not properly addressing the needs of individual students who may need extra help educationally and socially. This is often because of financial and staffing shortages.

This results in students being poorly educated, dropping out or getting kicked out of school, often resulting in arrests that develop into a cycle of continued arrests and crime which plaque not only that individual, but their community and ultimately, our society as a whole.

Hundreds Of Thousands Of Students Arrested At School Yearly

Each year across the nation, thousands of students are handcuffed in front of their classmates and taken to jail for behavioral problems that used to just result in a student being sent to the principal’s office or suspended.

A large majority of the students being arrested aren’t committing criminal acts, but displaying bad behavior. They are being arrested for misdemeanors such as “disorderly conduct”, which includes infractions such as refusing to give up their cellphone in schools with no cellphone policies and classroom disruptions. A relatively small percentage are arrests for weapons charges.

I personally have seen students arrested who had been suspended or put into an alternative school program, but came back to school either thinking their suspension was up or without truly understanding the terms and conditions of their suspension. Granted, when asked to leave campus these kids were defiant and thus arrested for trespassing, and while some were given warnings to leave campus, others weren’t given a warning at all and were simply arrested in front of their classmates.

There are definitely times and instances when students need to be arrested and detained for their own safety and/or the safety of others, but I think far too often, students are needlessly being arrested, taken down to the juvenile detention center and exposed to the criminal justice system.

An arrest record can stay with these students for the rest of their lives, even when the charges are dropped. When applying for jobs or to colleges and asked, “Have you ever been arrested”, they will will have to check “yes”.

Last week I watched as a group of girls had a verbal altercation on campus, that looked like it may erupt into something physical. As far as I could see, no one was physically being assaulted, but one of the school resource officers responding to the disruption, grabbed a girl, threw her to the ground and placed handcuffs on her. Despite everyone screaming that she wasn’t doing anything wrong, she was still detained. I believe she was eventually released to the custody of her parents and suspended, but it was obvious by the look on her face and everyone around her, that it was a traumatizing experience.

Not only is being arrested traumatizing and embarrassing, it interrupts a students educational process and can create distrust in the school system and the law. I think far too often, arrests are made in cases such as a petty fight, minor vandalism, trespassing and minor theft, things that used to send a kid home for ten days, but now may get them arrested. I’ve even seen students tazed by officers during school fights, when they used to be broken up by teachers.

Granted, often students who get arrested have ignored warnings and instructions given by the police officer.

I wouldn’t dare want to interfere with law enforcement’s ability to do their job, especially in light of the Sandy Hook shootings, but when police officers are on campus, the number of student arrests for minor infractions increases, many of which seem petty and unproductive.

For example, here in Florida a teen was arrested for trespassing because during her suspension she returned to school to take her final exams, and students involved in fights are often charged with battery against each other.

Disabled and Black Students Are Disproportionately Arrested

Students with various disabilities and black students are arrested more compared to their percentage of the student population. Even in schools for students with severe emotional problems, students are getting arrested for things like hitting, kicking and throwing objects, behavior that seems more related to their disabilities than to criminal acts.

While black students are more likely to be arrested than white students, it’s not because black students are misbehaving more, but historically and presently they seem to be punished more severely for less serious infractions, according to a study done by The Equity Project at Indiana University. Black males tend to be arrested more for “disorderly conduct” while white males are more likely to be arrested for drug charges. Black students are also more likely to have their cases dismissed than white students.

We can’t criminalize children for being and acting like children. Most of the students who get arrested already have had discipline or absenteeism problems before the arrest and could have benefited from an in school psychologically based program, such as the one I work for. It helps students with anger, academic, emotional, substance and behavior problems, and we even advocate for them during times when they are on the verge of getting arrested or expelled.

Unfortunately, many schools don’t have this type of program, nor the funds and staff to conduct the social services needed.

Does Your Teen Lack Empathy?

25 Jan 201325 Jan 2013by Torey C. Richards, LMHC6 Comments

I’ve been working with a fifteen year old male for the past few months who has been diagnosed with Attention Deficit/Hyper Activity Disorder (ADHD) and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD).

He was referred to me because his mother was frustrated with his behavior. He was argumentative, physically aggressive, disobeyed rules and punching holes in his bedroom walls.

After a few sessions his physical aggression and property damage pretty much stopped, but he still had major problems following home and school rules and basically disobeyed his mother repeatedly, although not as violently as before.

His mother, was pleased about the decrease in aggression, but she was still frustrated with the fact that she had to repeatedly ask him to do his chores and often he would blatantly refuse to do anything until he was ready, which was usually never or until his mother was red in the face and hoarse from yelling at him.

It was during an exercise I was doing with him about the impact of his behavior on others, that I realized that part of his problem, besides his diagnoses of ADHD and ODD, is that he lacks empathy. He doesn’t really understand how his behavior impacts other people, especially his family. I had him list certain incidents where he got in trouble, and he wrote things like, “I didn’t do my chores”, “I stayed out past my curfew” and “I didn’t wake up on time for school”. When I then asked him to tell me how his behavior impacted his mother, his sister and/or his father, he replied “I don’t think it did” despite the fact that all those things had everyone in his family upset with him.

It became clear to me that in order to help change his disruptive behavior, I had to also teach him how to be empathetic.

Many people in the scientific community believe that teens lack the ability to be empathetic because the part of the brain that allows us to have empathy for others, the medial prefrontal cortex, is not fully activity in the teenage brain. Adults are much better at analyzing how their decisions will affect themselves as well as other people, which explains why some teens (and adults with empathy problems) make some very stupid decisions with little thought to how their decision will impact other people.

Research also shows that teenagers tend to have a harder time with, and take longer to recognize emotions expressed on other peoples faces.

Developmentally, adolescence are at a stage where things are largely about them, they are very self-centered and so empathy isn’t their strong suit. Yet, I know there are many empathetic teens, I see and work with them everyday. It is true that many teens have a hard time empathizing and the internet probably isn’t helping, as we can go to YouTube or a number of other sites and see people getting beat up, falling, or in a number of other uncomfortable, embarrassing situations, and view it as entertainment, instead of empathizing with the person. It’s possible that being exposed to those videos and images overtime, deadens our ability to be empathetic by desensitizing our neural circuits and this may spill out from the virtual world to real life.

The good news is, empathy can and should be taught. The younger, the better, but it’s never too late

Some Ways You Can Teach Empathy To Your Child

Develop a good relationship with your child that nurtures their emotions. Research shows that children who have parents that help them cope with their negative emotions in loving, solution-oriented ways, are more likely to show concern for other children.
Treat your child as an individual with a mind of his or her own. Talk with them about emotional and mental states and teach them how their thoughts influence their feelings and behaviors.
Model healthy emotional behavior and empathy towards others. This is a very effective way to teach your child empathy and take the time to check in with their feelings and show empathy during everyday life, such as while watching television together.
Give them the language to express themselves appropriately by teaching them how to use “I Statements”, such as “I felt angry when the other driver cut me off”. You can also teach them reflective listening skills which will help them label their feelings. You can model this by asking questions like “You seem down today, did something happen at practice?” This will help your child recognize their feelings as well as help them learn how to express them.
Help them discover what they have in common with other children. People tend to be more empathetic toward people they feel are similar to them, which is one reason whenever I start a new support group, the first activity I do is a game called, “I Have Something In Common With…”. The game basically elicits empathy for others in the group through showing that no matter how different they may seem from each other, they all have somethings in common with each other.

Teaching your child how to be empathetic, is like turning their mirrors into windows, where they can look out beyond themselves and put themselves in other peoples positions It’s also good to give your children opportunities to show empathy and to give through volunteering, helping a neighbor, etc. Children who are empathetic tend to develop into better adjusted adults with less interpersonal problems than children who aren’t empathetic, and tend to have multiple issues relating to other people, including bullying, antisocial traits and cruelty to animals.

Are You In Tune With Your Teenager?

14 Jan 201315 Jan 2013by Torey C. Richards, LMHC3 Comments

While working with teens I’ve noticed that there are certain differences between those who are doing well academically, socially and mentally and those who aren’t.

For the most part, teens that are doing well have parents/guardians that show interest in them and their ideas and actually listen to them.

Teens who are doing well report that they feel connected to their parents/guardians, not only because they show an interest in their teens, but because their parents/guardians take time to find out what is going on in their lives.

Of course this makes sense, because teens who feel connected to their parents/guardians have more at risk when it comes to making decisions or taking risks.

When these teens are faced with risky decisions such as using a substance, skipping school or having sex, they are more likely to think about how their decision will affect their parents/guardians and their relationship with them.

These teens don’t want to disappoint their parents or lose their trust and are more likely to be open to their parents advice, compared to teens who don’t feel connected to their parents/guardians.

Teens who don’t feel as connected to their parents/guardians or don’t believe that their parents/guardians are genuinely interested in them, are more likely to take more risks without thinking about the consequences those risks may have on their relationship with their parent/guardian.

They are less likely to be interested in school, to be open and honest with their parents/guardians, to be well-adjusted or to avoid the many traps that await them as teenagers.

When parents are responsive, connected and supportive with their teens, it makes it easier to tackle some of the tougher issues such as discipline and setting rules/boundaries.

Even if you are a really strict parent, your rules won’t receive much lasting respect from your teenager, unless they also believe that you care about them.

I meet parents everyday who are strict on their teens, but their teens have major academic and discipline problems outside of the home. When I sit down with these families, it’s usually clear to me from the start, that they are not connected.

A large part of my job then becomes trying to bridge that gap and create a connection between the parents/guardian and their teenager.

It’s not enough to simple parent a teenager, and you don’t have to be their friend, but you have to engage them, connect with them and make them feel supportive.

You can take advantage of everyday opportunities to connect with your teen, such as while watching television, driving to/from school, dinner time or even setting specific times for a “date” with your teen.

Find out what’s going on in your teen’s life. Make sure to ask questions about their activities and interests. It may seem strange or even uncomfortable at first, but with time it will become easier and feel more natural.

Connecting with your teen may be harder than you expect, depending on the nature of your relationship. Some teens can be tough to get through to and are resentful or argumentative.

The teen years are largely about trying to find independence, so it’s only natural that your teen will challenge things you have taught or are trying to teach them as they try to form their own identity.

Your teen may think that you are being nosy and initially become resistant if you haven’t had a good relationship before this, but be genuine and eventually they will respond in-kind.

Don’t give up however. Chances are they are listening, even when you think they aren’t, and they will remember the lessons you are trying to get through to them. Keeping your messages brief will help with some of that resistance, as teens generally don’t like to be lectured to.

Learn to understand your teen through observing them and learn to respect your teen by listening to what they have to say.

Some other things you can do to foster a close relationship with your child according to theantidrug.com:

Spend time together regularly, doing things your teen enjoys
Talk openly and honestly
use positive communication skills, especially when there is conflict. For example, think before you speak and acknowledge your teen’s point-of-view so he or she knows you are listening.
Acknowledge the positive qualities and behaviors of your teenager.

A quick self-check includes:

Do you praise your teen for accomplishments, even the small ones?
Do you spend time each day talking with your teenager?
Do you regularly have meals with your teen and other family members?
Are you familiar with your teen’s favorite interest and hobbies?
Do you know your teen’s friends?

As I stated in a previous post, the teen years is not the time to stop parenting your teen, but your role as a parent changes just as your child changes from a kid to a young adult. They still need your guidance and for you to effectively guide them, you have to be connected with them.

Your Teenager Needs and Wants Your Guidance

8 Jan 20138 Jan 2013by Torey C. Richards, LMHC1 Comment

If you are a parent of a teenager, you probably have worried at one point in time about the many issues that face them including drugs, alcohol and tobacco use, dangerous driving, sexual activity, school, peer and social issues.

You’ve probably also worried about losing the influence you have over your teen as they start trying to branch out and find their own identity in the world.

We all know that teenagers face many challenges and changes in the world, and many teenagers like to act as if they can face and deal with these challenges alone.

As a matter of fact, many teens may actually believe that they don’t need any help, but as adults that care about the teens in our lives, we know that’s not always the case.

Teens need guidance. Teens actually want (although they may never admit to it) your help and guidance (just as they actually want rules and limitations).

As a parent, you may think that once your child becomes a teenager, you can sort of step back and let them grow up on their own, stepping in only when they get into trouble, but that is the wrong approach.

Your job as a parent isn’t over, it’s just changing.

Many parents who think like what I just described above, end up with spoiled kids who take no real responsibility for their lives and their actions.

They often believe that they are entitled to many things others have to work hard for and end up becoming young adults and adults with a host of intra and interpersonal problems.

There is some good news however.

If you watch the news or work with a certain population of teens as I do, it’s easy to think that teens today are worse than teens have ever been in history, but that’s actually not true.

Compared to their parents generation, teens today are less likely to become pregnant, smoke, use drugs and alcohol, drop out of school, or commit a violent crime.

They are more likely to volunteer and explore their spiritual side than ever. They are also more tolerant and are more likely to have friends of different races, socio-economic status, religion and ethnic groups. They are also more likely to say tey have positive relationships with their parents.

All the hard work society has put into improving teens is paying off, but not without the help and involvement of parents.

Research shows that teens want and expect their parents to play key roles in their lives. They want advice and guidance and they remember your wise words, even when they act as if they are not listening.

The troubled teens I work with usually come from households where they are lacking parenting or have a parent or parents that don’t know how to be parents. Some are just “bad” parents while others are too busy with their own lives to actively parent their teens.

Despite all the good news about teens, the fact is, the dangers are still there. Any parent can attest to that. If they weren’t, there would be no need for my services and I and all the counselors I know who work with teens, are largely overwhelmed with the number of teens that need counseling.

The problems facing teens are often similar and yet different for each one, and some may surprise you.

Like the fact that rural teens tend to have more drug and alcohol problems than urban teens, and that 30% of high school teens reported driving with someone who has been drinking at least once in the last month.

The teens years are much like when your child first learned to walk. Remember how they would look for something to hold onto such as a table or your leg to help steady themselves?

Sometimes they even freaked out when they couldn’t find something to hold on to, but you were usually their to help guide and protect them and make sure that they didn’t hurt themselves.

Although you stayed close enough to help them not hurt themselves if they started to fall, you also gave them enough room to learn and practice their new abilities and watched with joy as they grew in confidence from crawling, to walking, and eventually running.

Adolescence is very similar.

Your teen needs you to be there as they try to find themselves in the world, or they will find something else to hold onto just as they did as toddlers learning how to walk.

If you are not there for them to hold on to, they will potentially find drugs, alcohol, sex, bad influential friends, crime, you name it.

If you are lucky they will find good friends, healthy and safe adults, teachers, counselors, etc., but you want to be the person who guides your child.

You want to be the person that helps your child navigate through the barriers, which means you have to be close enough to give advice and to answer their questions honestly, but far enough away to allow them to start making and learning from their own decisions.

The adolescence are an exciting and scary part of life. Your teens are changing and growing and although they may start to look like adults, their decision making, risk/reward system are far from fully developed, so they still need you to be their for them, or they will look for and find something/someone else, good or bad.