Urban Outfitters came under fire after it began selling this shirt that has “depression” written all over it as if depression was something to be advertised. For Urban Outfitters to initially not see anything wrong with this (they have since pulled the shirt after public outcry), shows how much society has not only minimized mental illness, but even romanticized it. Granted, Depression is the name of the clothing company out of Singapore, but Urban Outfitters no doubt knew that they were pushing the envelope when they decided to sale the shirts in their stores.
This isn’t the first time urban Outfitters has come under fire for tasteless shirts. In 2010 they had a shirt that read “Eat Less” which seemed to make light of eating disorders, and another one that read “Syringe Shot Shooters” which addiction organizations protested.
The problem with shirts like this is that they minimize and make light of serious disorders and addictions. They also make it seem “cool” to have these issues.
You don’t know how many young girls I’ve worked with who are “cutters” and while most of them had some mental instability behind their self-mutilating behaviors, at least some of them did it for attention and because it made them seem complexed. The same is true with some of the depressed teens I worked with. Some of them were indeed truly depressed, but some of them carried around the bleakness and darkness like a badge of honor.
It also, in my opinion, takes some of the responsibility away from people who have these issues and then broadcast it with these types of shirts. The type of people who would wear these shirts aren’t saying “I’m depressed and I am fighting it with all my might”, but “I am depressed so excuse my darkness”.
People who truly suffer from these disorders and addictions don’t advertise it. Teens I see who seriously self-mutilate attempt to hide it, cutting in places you wouldn’t even think of and wearing excessive clothing to cover their scars. People I’ve worked with who suffer from eating disorders hate the disorder and the fact that they have to fight it everyday or risk dying or causing other serious medical issues to themselves. How are these people supposed to feel when their condition is being advertised and sold on a t-shirt? How is it supposed to make society take their condition seriously?
While these shirts may seem harmless, they are not. They are sending some hidden and unhidden messages to the public which can be dangerous. Shirts that say “Alcoholic”, “Crack Head” and “Suicidal” may seem harmless and even amusing to some, but for people who actually suffer, know or worse, have lost someone to those conditions, it is not funny.
Watch the documentary The Bridge which is a film about suicides committed by people jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. You won’t see anyone who jumped to their death wearing a shirt advertising their pain or issues. Mental illness is nothing to glamorise. It is not something that can be fixed by giving someone a little more attention, but instead it takes hard work and dedication by both the person suffering from it and those that love them, including professional help and sometimes medication.
The best thing that I’ve seen come from this situation is the public outcry, for society to say that in the face of all the recent tragedies that have been linked to mental illness, we will not make light of it and forced Urban Outfitters to remove the shirts. Now only if Urban Outfitters and other companies that sale similar shirts would think about humanity more than profitability.
This week is Mental Health Awareness Week which was established by the U.S. congress in 1990 to recognize the National Alliance of Mental Illness’ efforts to raise the awareness of mental illness. It just so happens that last week’s police chase and subsequent shooting and killing of Miriam Carey has brought mental illness and postpartum psychosis into the spotlight.
What Is Postpartum Psychosis?
Many people have heard of postpartum depression, but not many people have heard of it’s evil sister, postpartum psychosis. When I was in graduate school I was so fascinated by postpartum psychosis that I actually did a 20 page research paper on the phenomenon.
It isn’t uncommon for women, after giving birth to feel down, sad or even somewhat depressed. This is what is known as “baby blues” and approximately 70-80% of mothers feel this contradicting negative thoughts and sadness after experiencing the joy of giving birth.
Many women don’t talk about it because they feel guilty or “bad” because of these feelings, but it’s important that they talk about the way they feel so that the “baby blues” don’t progress into something deeper like postpartum depression.
Postpartum depression basically is a much more intense and prolonged feeling of negativity, depression and mood swings when compared to the “baby blues”. This can last weeks, months or even longer.
Postpartum psychosis is the most severe and extreme form of postpartum depression and not only does it typically include the intense sadness, negativity and mood swings of postpartum depression, but it also includes the onset of psychotic symptoms after childbirth.
An example taken from a personal experience I had dealing with a client I diagnosed with postpartum psychosis is that she was extremely depressed at times and then highly erratic and impulsive other times. She was extremely irritable and was having hallucinations which included voices and delusions that her newborn was evil and needed to be killed.
Like a lot of women who deal with the “baby blues”, postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis, she tried to hide the way she was feeling and mask her psychotic symptoms until it got to the point that she was about to drown her child in the bathtub. It was then she went to her family for help and was taken to the psychiatric hospital.
This particular young lady ended up being okay after treatment which included therapy and a brief period of taking lithium. Her child was subsequently raised by the maternal grandparents although legally this young woman still has full custody and spends time with her daughter often.
Postpartum psychosis is extremely rare which is one reason it is not often talked about and another reason many people who suffer from it try to hide it because they are struggling to try to understand exactly what it is they are going through and may feel alone.
Symptoms
Symptoms of postpartum psychosis Include, but are not limited to:
euphoria
overactivity (hyper)
decreased sleep
talkative (loquaciousness/hyperverbal)
flight of ideas
disinhibition
irritability
violence
delusions
grandiose thinking or behavior
religiously preoccupied
delusions
hallucinations
depression
mood swings
mutism
Other Famous Examples of Postpartum Psychosis
Melanie Blocker-Stokes
Melanie and her husband Sam.
Although postpartum psychosis is rare, some popular cases include Melanie Blocker-Stokes, a successful pharmaceutical sales manager happily married to a physician.
On June 11, 2001 she gave birth to a baby girl and soon developed severe depression, stopped eating and drinking and no longer could swallow just four weeks after giving birth.
She became paranoid and thought her neighbors closed their blinds because they thought she was a bad mother and although she was in and out of several hospitals, was on several medications and even received electroconvulsive therapy, she killed herself by jumping off of the roof top of a Chicago hotel. Her daughter was only 3 and a half months old.
Melanie always wanted to become a mother and it’s a tragedy that becoming a mother ultimately took her life. She had written in her journal before her death: “How can I explain to anybody how something has, literally, come inside my body…I’m no good to anyone. No good to myself.”
She called some her friends and family and left what they now know were her final goodbyes and to her husband she left a note that simply read: “Sam, I adore you, Sommer and Andy, Mel.” Andy was her husband Sam’s son and her stepson and Sommer (Sommer Skyy) was her newborn child.
Her battle with postpartum psychosis helped congress pass the Melanie Blocker-Stokes Postpartum Depression Research and Care Act in 2010 aimed at increasing research, education and screening of postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis. Sadly not much has been done since it was passed, but this is the story that sparked me to write my research paper in graduate school and got me interested in postpartum psychosis.
Andrea Yates
Perhaps most famously there was Andrea Yates whose mental health seemed to deteriorate with each child she gave birth to. She had attempted suicide twice and was urged against not having any more children after being hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital after her fourth child. Never-the-least she gave birth to a fifth child and three months later she was hospitalized again twice and warned not to be left alone with her children.
However, one day she was left alone for only an hour and tragically drowned all five of her children. She’s currently committed to a high-security psychiatric hospital.
Miriam Carey
Miriam Carey was a 34 year old mother of a one year old little girl. She was a dental hygienist with plans on going to dental school. Last week she made the decision to drive from her home in Conneticut to Washington, D.C. Some reports say that she was mad with President Obama for listening to her phone conversations.
Miriam Carey
In any case, with her young daughter in tow, she drove to Capitol Hill, crashing into barricades around the White House, police cars and speeding recklessly down Pennsylvania Avenue before she was shot and killed by law enforcement after attempting to use her car as a weapon.
It’s unfortunate that Miriam Carey was shot and killed, especially with her one year old daughter in the car. After listening to her family talk on CNN last week talk about her struggles with postpartum psychosis and a family history of mental illness including schizophrenia, I wish something could have been done sooner although she was apparently taking medication for an unknown mental illness.
It’s possible that although her family knew she was having some mental problems, they didn’t know how severe they were or even what they were because she was most likely keeping them in the dark and the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPPA) keeps doctors and mental health professionals from being able to discuss a persons medical and mental issues with family members which helps explain why her family members and friends where all shocked that she was behaving so erratically and reckless especially with her daughter in the car. They were all shocked to learn that she had even driving to Washington, D.C. out of the blue.
They may have known she had issues, but never suspected that they were as severe as they turned out to be.
According to everything I have read as reported by her family members and her boyfriend, her main symptoms were paranoia and delusions. It’s a good chance that her mental health problems existed before she was pregnant and that her pregnancy exacerbated the condition and developed into postpartum psychosis.
For example, she could have been suffering from bipolar disorder or a mood disorder previously and possibly stopped taking her medication to prevent them from having side effects on the baby and then everything just snow balled out of control with the natural hormonal and mood changes that occur with pregnancy.
Many women who develop postpartum psychosis already have other underlying mental health issues
Her death however is not in vain as it helps bring attention to postpartum complications like “baby blues”, postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis so that maybe more women who are suffering silently will speak out and reach out for help.
If you or someone you know is suffering from postpartum depression of any kind, have them speak with their doctor. For more information visit http://www.postpartum.net/ or call 1-800-944-4PDD.
Yesterday while watching the local news, I saw a story about an officer who was called to an apartment complex after residents called bout a naked woman outside of her apartment.
Upon arriving, officer Ryan McIntosh found 20-year-old Ayanna Alexander outside of her apartment, but she had put on clothing by then.
Ayanna, who is an exotic dancer, told the officer that she was upset because she didn’t have a ride to work at Rachels, a local strip club.
The officer didn’t think Ayanna was impaired or had any other medical conditions, so he called his supervisor and got permission to drive Ayanna to work. He dropped her off and left, only to be called back shortly afterwards to a nearby restaurant after receiving a call about a naked woman thrashing the restaurant and disturbing patrons.
The officers arrived at the restaurant to find Ayanns with no pants or underwear on and during questioning by the police, she removed her shirt and bra and said she wanted to go to jail.
Ayanna was charged with disturbing the peace, indecent exposure and trespassing.
The problem I have with this is, not many people in their right minds, especially an “attractive” 20-year-old woman would just strip naked and cause havoc. To me, this just screams mental illness from the start, rather it is bipolar disorder or something else, but from the start of this story i felt like this woman should have been taken to the hospital for a mental evaluation, not taken to work and just dropped off.
Even after the second incident, instead of taking her to jail, I still feel like she should have been taken for a mental evaluation. Something clearly isn’t right. Maybe it is drugs, who knows? The officer said she didn’t seem impaired, but her behavior was abnormal and he didn’t do a urinary drug screen to rule out she was on anything.
Also, he was obviously not a Crisis Intervention Team officer or had much training, experience or exposure to mental illnesses or he would have recognized that this woman was in need of help, not a ride to her place of employment.
I’m not necessarily blaming the officer for not being trained properly, but I am blaming him for being ignorant and perhaps even blinded by an attractive female and wanting to do the “nice” thing by giving her a ride to work instead of truly investigating the incident.
At the hospital I work at it’s not uncommon for officers to bring us young, attractive, 20 something year old women they find naked running or walking through the streets or just sitting in the middle of the road. Nine times out of ten these women are not under the influence of any drugs or alcohol, but are suffering some type of mental break.
Often times it’s their first psychotic episode and they go on to be diagnosed and treated for bipolar disorder (most commonly), and other times they are people with long histories of mental illness.
The late teens and early twenties are the prime ages for the development of bipolar disorder and it’s not uncommon for people to present with symptoms of erratic, impulsive and irrational behavior for the first time around 20.
If this woman is simply arrested, charged and then released, she will get no help and eventually spiral out of control again, but maybe next time she won’t run into a naive officer who is trying to be nice, but maybe a predator or someone else who instead of helping this lady may victimize her or she may do something much more reckless and dangerous than taking off her clothing and throwing food in a restaurant.
Sometimes it’s hard to recognize and start treating the first symptoms of a mental illness, but to me it’s common sense that if you come across a naked, exotic dancer who gets paid to take her clothes off, doing it for free outside in the daytime, something isn’t right and the two most likely culprits are drugs and mental illness.
If the officer quickly decided she wasn’t impaired or had a medical conditions, why didn’t he take her to rule out a mental health condition other than ignorance? This is a problem on many occasions, but especially when you consider that the jails and prisons in our country today house many more mentally ill people than all of the mental hospitals, clinics and institutions combined.
Untrained officers come in contact with mentally ill people on nearly a daily basis and often times the result is tragic (numerous officer related shootings involving mentally ill people is what sparked crisis intervention team training for law enforcement officers), or they are arrested or simply ignored.
In this case, two out of three happened. Her mental condition was ignored and then she was arrested.
I love working in a psychiatric hospital because it’s rarely boring. The type of people who come through the door are everyday people, no different from you or me, it’s just that what they are dealing with at the time is more than they or most likely any of us can handle.
I remember when I first started working here, a senior co-worker said that the only thing separating us from the patients is that we have the keys that let us in and out.
That’s one reason customer service, even in a mental hospital is so important. We strive on treating everyone, no matter what their circumstances or mental state, fairly and therapeutically because you never know when we or one of our family members or friends will end up in a place like this and it’s fairly easy.
Say the “magic words” to the right person and you may find yourself involuntarily hospitalized. Have an over exaggerated emotional or behavioral reaction and you may end up placed in a mental hospital to help you calm down.
Since I’ve been here I’ve seen correction officers, police officers, teachers, college students, professional athletes, lawyers, daughters of politicians, doctors, nurses and business owners come through our doors under involuntary hospitalization statuses.
People are placed here everyday who feel like they shouldn’t be and some may very well not be, but the majority at least need a cool down period.
For example, last week a college student got into a fight with his girlfriend and someone reported he threatened to kill himself. He denied does accusations, but he was emotionally upset enough that law enforcement thought it was best that he was brought here for his safety and the safety of those around him.
Now that he was here he didn’t want to be here and wanted to leave. He kept trying to convince me and everyone that he didn’t need to be here, but in doing so, he was getting more and more upset and therefore appearing more and more like he needed to be here for his safety and those around him.
I kept trying to talk to him and tell him that if he truly didn’t think he should be hospitalized then he needed to be calm and relaxed, otherwise he was risking looking like every other patient in the hospital who truly needed to be there.
However, he was so agitated and insistent on leaving that we had to place him on an elopement risk which lessened the chance of him being released sooner than he would have been otherwise.
When people think of the patients in a mental hospital, they almost automatically get an image in their head as if mental illness has a face. Those of us who work in the field or know someone or are ourselves suffering from a mental illness know that this couldn’t be further from the truth.
This morning I spoke with the mother of one of our patients who just graduated with an advanced degree and has an extremely high IQ, but has a long history of bipolar disorder and hasn’t been on her medication in over a year.
This is a beautiful young lady who was found sitting outside naked, stating that her old self had died and given birth to her new self with a new name she was calling herself by and a new age. She also believed she had God like powers.
Here at the hospital, for the most part, this young lady was selectively mute and at times appeared catatonic. We even had to carry and pose her limp body at one point when we had to transport her to another part of our facility.
She was definitely in need of some medication to help her start getting back to her “normal” self.
I was really hoping to speak with her, I throughly enjoy talking to people who both have a long history of mental illness and the ability and awareness to really talk about it and analyze their experiences, but she wasn’t speaking to anyone, so I spoke with her mother for a while about her history of treatment and tried to help calm her mother’s fears about her daughter’s recent deterioration.
This young lady reminds me that mental illness is all around us and it’s nothing to be ashamed of or to run from. Sometimes it’s in your face like the guy talking to himself while begging for change or it’s wrapped in the package of a pretty grad school graduate who on most days could hold the most intellectual conversations, but today she’s just staring into out of space unresponsive to the world around her.
Last week I did my very first involuntary hospitalization (or as we call it here in Florida, a Baker ACT) of an adult.
Involuntary hospitalization or commitment is actually a legal procedure where an individual who is showing severe signs of a mental illness such as suicidal thoughts, homicidal thoughts, self-neglect or any other potential to intentionally or unintentionally harm themselves or others is placed into a hospital even if they don’t want to go.
Here in Florida it’s generally a 72 hour hold where the person is evaluated by a nurse and other mental health professionals and then a psychiatrist who will decide if that person is well enough to be released or should stay longer. Technically a 72 hour hold can be extended for as long as a week to much longer in severe cases including state hospitalization which is typically months. It’s a major responsiblity because it’s basically taking away part of someone libery and forcing them into treatment.
In Florida, a doctor, a police officer, a physicians assistant and licensed social workers, marriage and family counselors and mental health counselors all have the authority to put someone involuntarily into the hospital if they feel that person is a threat to themselves or someone else.
I personally don’t take this responsibility lightly, especially working in my new job where I work mostly with adults who’s circumstances generally aren’t as black and white when it comes to meeting criteria to be placed into involuntary hospitalization compared to children. However I know that sometimes it is necessary to keep people safe from themselves, other people and even their illness.
Most of the children and adolescents I had to place into involuntary hospitalization were fairly easy decisions for me. They usually came straight out and told me that they wanted to kill themselves, wanted to kill a parent, or was doing something so outrageous that it was obvious they were imminent dangers to themselves. Most of them, once I told them I was going to have to have them put into the hospital for observation didn’t fight it much. Some cried, but most knew it was for their own good.
Adults however are different. Yes there are plenty of adults who are as obvious as the adolescents, but when it comes to adults, most of them won’t say that they want to kill themselves or someone else, but will skate around it and it becomes not black or white, but grey.
Working in a mental hospital makes it even worst because many of the adults present with some signs of psychosis and it’s not illegal to show sings of psychosis or to be symptomatic, meaning, I can’t hospitalize a schizophrenic just because she’s hearing voices and talking to herself, or a manic woman just because she’s speaking at a thousand miles an hour and bouncing from topic to topic driving her husband and kids up the wall, not as long as both of those people aren’t homicidal or suicidal and are oriented which is the majority of the case.
Often times people will want these people placed into the hospital against their will because they are acting “crazy”, but that doesn’t meet criteria to take away someones liberty and placing them into the hospital.
Because adults have been much more complicated than children when it comes down to deciding if they meet criteria for involuntary hospitalization or not, I was always nervous about writing my first adult involuntary hospitalization order, but when I got this current job, I knew it was only a matter of time. At least 2 to 3 times a week I was asked to evaluate an adult to see if they met criteria for involuntary hospitalization, but most of the time the adults were just symptomatic, maybe in need of some medication, but didn’t meet criteria for involuntary hospitalization.
That was until last week. Last week I was in a training when I got asked me to come evaluate a woman because her therapist thought she may need to be placed into the hospital for her safety.
I met with and evaluated the woman who was obviously in distress. Through my evaluation she told me she hadn’t eaten, slept or bathed in days, nor has she taken her medication because “demons” were telling her not to and were physically holding her down at night.
She then started telling me about being commanded by her deceased mother to do things like book an airplane ticket to another state. She also did not know where she was or what year it was. It was obvious to me that she needed to be hospitalized for her own safety so I had to write an involuntary hospitalization order and she was subsequently placed into our hospital where she would be evaluated, stabilized and released to go back home with a follow up plan of both medication and therapy.
I was nervous as I wrote it, but this one was obvious enough where I felt confident that I wasn’t violating anyones rights and where the power I have to place someone in the hospital against their will was being used for the right reason.
So that was my first adult involuntary hospitalization and I know there will be many more to come because as a licensed mental health counselor I evaluate people’s mental state everyday and working in a large mental health hospital where people come for medication appointments and therapy appointments, but sometimes end up presenting in ways that suggests they need to be placed in the hospital for stabilization, writing involuntary hospitalization orders is part of my job and it’s a responsibility I don’t take likely.
Recently I read an online article from XXL magazine entitled 25 Lyrics Referencing Mental Illness. The article was written in response to Hip Hop artist J. Cole issuing a public apology last week after he used the words retarded and autistic in one of his newly released songs.
J. Cole said in his apology letter that he regretted using those words and admitted that there is a recent trend of Hip Hop artist using offensive words and language and then feeling pressured to apologize. He admitted that part of him resents that because he views music like comedy and that it is supposed to “ruffle feathers at times” which to me means that his apology isn’t sincere and he knows nothing about the stigma, issues and plight of those with mental retardation and mental illness.
Besides those comments, what really bothered me was the title of the article, “25 Lyrics Referencing Mental Illness”, yet all 25 examples they gave mentioned the words “retarded” or “retard” in some way, which in itself is offense, but I was more offended that the person or persons that wrote this article didn’t take five minutes to do a Google search and learn that mental retardation and mental illness are not the same thing.
A person can be mentally retarded and not mentally ill, or mentally ill, but not mentally retarded OR both mentally ill and mentally retarded, but mental retardation and mental illness are no where near the same thing.
In short, the difference is that mental illness typically develops in an otherwise healthy person, such as depression, anxiety and schizophrenia. Some forms of mental illness may look like mental retardation, such as autism and other pervasive developmental disorders, but in those cases children usually start off developmentally normal and then regress or stop progressing mentally and/or physically.
Mental retardation, mostly called developmentally delayed today, on the other hand is usually a congenital defect where the mental, motor and other life skills of the person are somehow kept from fully developing. Mental retardation is usually confirmed by an IQ test, where mental illness is not. You can also develop mental retardation as the result of a traumatic brain injury and we will explore some of that in a later post.
Also, a major difference between mental retardation and mental illness is that, for the most part, mental illness can be treated and even cured through medication and therapy while mental retardation can’t.
As a licensed mental health counselor, I can put someone in involuntary hospitalization if they are acting out (harm to self, others, self-neglect) due to a mental illness, but not if it is due to mental retardation or a developmental disability. Legally there is a difference.
If you are going to write an article talking about the derogatory use of the words “retard” and “retarded” then entitle it “25 Lyrics That Reference Mental Retardation”.
It’s hard enough for people with a mental illness to find the courage to ask for help, but when they have to fear that people will start calling them “retarded”, it only makes finding the courage tougher.
Writing an article like this just confuses people, places stigma on people who already have enough stigma to deal with and doesn’t do anything to further the cause of making everyone aware of being sensitive in the way we treat and refer to our fellow humans.
Father’s Day is coming up and I recently read a study out of the United Kingdom published in the journal Psychological Medicine that suggests that young girls who grow up without their fathers turn into depressed teenagers later in life.
It’s well known that depression tends to effect teenage girls much more than teenage boys and that trend stays the same throughout adulthood. New research is suggesting that when young girls grow up without their fathers, the risk of depression increases with 23% of teenage girls showing signs of tiredness or sadness if they’re separated from their father before the age of five.
According to the study, it also makes them 50% more likely to develop other mental health problems compared to girls whose fathers remained in their lives.
Preschoolers are especially vulnerable with dealing with divorce and separation poorly because they generally do not have a support system of peers or family members.
I took a quick survey of five teenage girls I am working with who have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, bulimia and substance abuse and four out of five of them were abandoned by or separated from their father at an early age. Some through death, others through divorce or separation.
Many of the teenage girls I work with are suffering from “daddy issues” and are dealing with them in unhealthy ways. Some through self-hatred, others through drugs and alcohol or being extremely promiscuous and unstable in terms of dating and relationships.
Boys tend to handle absent fathers better according to the study, but I would like to suggest that they just express themselves differently and may not show signs of depression we typically look for. Instead boys may be angry, “troubled kids”, or become more withdrawn and reckless. I also think boys have more outlets to let out their frustrations through rough housing, sports and other physical activities.
Both older boys and girls tend to handle separation and divorce better with less instances of depression later in their teenage years, but working with teenagers I have no doubt that the effects of growing up without an attentive and active father are powerful and far reaching.
This is not to say that separation from their father at an early age definitely leads to depression in teenage girls. There are too many other factors such as economic and social factors that also need to be taken into consideration. Also, girls tend to be more susceptible to personal negative events than boys which can lead to episodes of depression.
I think the take away from this research is not to stay in unhealthy or undesired relationships for the sake of the children because that can also have detrimental effects, but I think it suggests that we need to pay closer attention to young girls who have been separated from their fathers as parents and as those who work with children.
Fathers should stick around and be active in their daughters lives, even if the relationship with the mother has failed. A lot of time men think that they don’t have to be as involved with their daughters, but nothing could be further from the truth.
Mothers on the other hand shouldn’t gloss over the fact that their young girl is growing up without a father and should start looking for signs of emotional or behavioral stress or changes that may warrant attention such as individual, family or group counseling.
The most erratic and unstable young women I work with tend to be the ones who grew up without their fathers and I can only wonder that if they still had good relationships with an active and supportive father, if they wouldn’t be more stable and focused.
The other day, a friend of mine asked me how she could help a friend of hers that was mentally ill.
She explained to me that her friend had bipolar disorder, something she had been suffering from for years and had a long history of self-injury and suicide attempts.
According to my friend, this person was currently in a deep depression and posting dark posts on Facebook including some alarming ones such as wanting to give away her pets (giving away possessions is often associated with suicidal thoughts).
She wanted to know what should she do or say to her to make her “feel better” and I told her that there was no magic word or act she could to that would just bring her out of her current mental state. It’s like trying to help a friend who has a serious medical condition. You can help alleviate the pain, maybe make them feel more comfortable, but there is nothing you can actually do that will just cure the person of the condition.
Many people think they can or should be able to, and thus get very frustrated with themselves and/or the person they are trying to help when the reality hits that it’s just not that simple. The best thing you can do, and what I told my friend to do is to be a supportsystem for her friend and show her love. Let her see that she has a friend who is going to stand by her side no matter what.
People suffering from a mental illness often feel broken, unlovable and fear that people will abandon them if they can’t keep it together. The best gift you can give them is showing support and love. There are no magic words or acts, but you may be surprised how a simple walk around the park talking about nothing in particular or just being present with that person, can have huge positive effects.
Many people who want to help someone they love who has a mental illness often don’t do that because as simple as it sounds, it can actually be quite difficult to actually sit with and be present with someone instead of lecturing, ordering and dictating to them what they should or need to be doing. That’s why actually just being with them, showing love and support can be such a precious gift.
Also, you may need your own support system to help yourself while helping someone you love and that’s okay. There are many support groups tailored towards supporting loved ones of people with various illnesses including mental illnesses.
You may also need to make appropriate boundaries so that you don’t become overwhelmed and exhausted. Don’ try to be a superhero, you are only one person so do what you can when you can, but don’t feel obligated to do everything.
However you choose to support your loved one who has a mental illness is a blessing. They may not be able to tell you that or appreciate it right away. Your support doesn’t have to be perfect in order to be effective You are doing what few people do, which is showing support and love instead of ignoring or stigmatizing.
Some Tips
Learn about their illness. It’s easier to help and support someone with any illness when you have some information and insight about what they are going through. My friend who wants to support her friend with bipolar disorder actually had no working knowledge of the disorder.
Let them know that they are not broken or defective and that they are the same person they have always been, they are just suffering from an illness, but they are NOT their illness.
Help them if you can to get to their appointments, make sure they are taking their medications and actually talking to their doctors and/or other mental health professionals. That help can come from driving them to their appointments to simply reminding them to take their medication or to go to their appointments.
Show and tell them that you love them and that you are there for them through thick and thin.
Ask them what they need. Don’t just assume. The person who is sick generally knows what is best for them. They may need you to help clean the house or bring them dinner if they are too sick to do so.
Check in with them, make sure that they are okay and following their treatment plan. This not only helps keep them accountable and responsible, but it also serves as a reminder that they have someone who cares about them
Suicide is such a tragic occurrence in life, something that always surprises me a little, even when it’s expected, such as in the case of Chris Domer.
Even more shocking are the instances when it’s not expected, even if the person has had a troubling past, such as Mindy McCready.
Mindy McCready was a 37 year old country music star who apparently committed suicide this past Sunday afternoon by shooting herself in the head on her front porch. Besides being a country music star, more importantly, McCready was the mother of two boys, including a ten month old infant.
It’s hard to imagine the stress/circumstances that would cause a mother of two to want to take her own life, so I thought it would be a good idea to examine some of the stressors McCready was under.
Recently, her fiance and the father of her ten month old infant, record producer David Wilson died of an apparent suicide. This tragedy in itself could have been enough to push McCready into a suicidal state. Here is the father of her infant child, now dead, someone she had planned to spend the rest of her life with, and now he’s abandoned her.
On top of that, whenever someone close to someone commits suicide (and often they don’t even have to be that close personally), it makes it easier for that person to think about and even commit suicide themselves if they are already in a fragile state. That’s why having a family member who has committed suicide makes a person more at risk for committing suicide and why communities and schools often experience clusters of suicide after someone in that community or school has killed themselves. Perhaps the death of her infant’s baby’s father made it easier for McCready to end her own life.
On top of that traumatic experience, McCready also suffered from addiction and mental illness, both of which increases a persons likelihood of attempting suicide.
McCready had two previous suicide attempts in 2005, including attempting to overdose on drugs and alcohol. She was found unconscious in her hotel room and hospitalized. Then later that September while pregnant with her first son, she attempted suicide again by overdosing on anti-depressants. In 2008 McCready was also treated for an apparent suicide attempt after slashing her wrists. She was hospitalized at least once more after an overdose, or what may have been a bad reaction to some Darvocet apparently given to her by her mother.
Her battle with addiction and mental illness was often public. She appeared on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew Pinsky and on The View. She spoke with Dr. Drew about the stigma she felt from the media and her fans about being in rehab, a topic he discussed on CNN after her suicide:
“Her biggest fear was the stigma of doing so and what people would think if she, God forbid, took care of herself. And this to me is the most distressing part of this story. She is a lovely woman, we have lost her, and it didn’t have to go down like this.”
McCready was also dealing with an ongoing custody battle that was often nasty and very public. Her ex-husband who is her first son’s father, Billy McKnight, wanted primary custody of their son and filed motions in court to have McCready submit to drug and alcohol testing and also undergo a psychological evaluation.
Despite her struggles with addiction, mental illness and an often rocky personal life, McCready still tried to remain positive. On her fan page in January 2012 she wrote:
“I haven’t had a hit in almost a decade. I’ve spent my fortune, tarnished my public view and made myself the brunt of punch line after punch line. I’ve been beaten, sued, robbed, arrested, jailed, and evicted. But I’m still here. With a handful of people that I know and trust, a revived determination, and both middle fingers up in the air, I’m ready. I’ve been here before. I’m a fighter. I’m down, but I’ll never be out.”
Perhaps the death of her infant’s father, a man she called (after his dead), her soulmate and life partner, was the final straw that broke the fighter in her. They both apparently killed themselves by shooting themselves in the head.
It could have been her addiction. After all, she had left treatment for substance abuse early and was reluctant to re-enter treatment due to the stigma she had faced in the media and with fans.
Chances are, it was a combination of everything: addiction, mental illness, dealing with the recent death of her fiance, a custody battle and having an overall bleak outlook on her future.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a usually temporary problem.
It hurts when we lose anyone to suicide and addiction and it’s sad that we have lost yet another bright star. Like Dr. Drew said, it didn’t have to go down like this.
As promised, here is a letter from someone I believe could be a potential budding psychopath.
A brief background:
This is a 16 year old male that came to see me for feelings of hatred and anger towards “everyone” as well as potential auditory hallucinations and symptoms of depersonalization.
He is currently in danger of failing school and follows none of the rules set for him at home and receives little to no consequences for that. I asked him to start keeping a record of his thoughts so I could help him analyze them.
This is a sample of his thought journal:
I feel irritated. I swear people are trying to make me gun them down. I’m trying very hard to keep my cool, but it’s thinning really fast. Everyone here disgusts me. The teacher is getting on my fucking nerves. I just want to pop a bottle in her face.
She makes me sick. Her voice is getting on my nerves. If I had telekinesis I would use it to spin everyones heads. I hate you all. It’s hard for me to focus on my work. I’m just not capble of doing it. I wanna go home. I am trying to do my work but I can’t focus.
I am not in the mood to do anything. God I hate everything. The guy [teacher] is asking for binders. I want to take the binder and smack him with it. If I had the power to burn things it wouldn’t be good for anybody because if I burned somebody I don’t think I would feel sorry.
I am writing this while I shoud be doing my work, but I don’t think I give a shit. Fuck the life. This is fucking stupid. I hate the people, the class, the school. I don’t dislike, I hate everything and I don’t know why. If these people were to die tomorrow I wouldn’t give a damn.
Class is almost done and this bitch is wasting my time. Fuck her. In class people talking and i just wanna slash their throats. They including the teacher are all useless to me. They’re all disgusting. Why am I in a classroom filled with imbeciles, morons, idiots, everyone I hate.
I was sad because my friend wasn’t here today. I usually see him in second period, but he’s absent. I was sad because out of everyone I talk to, he’s the one I’m most comfortable with. He’s kinda like the twin I wish I had.
Ever since the 7th grade, way before that, I had been having daydreams of a different life, one I had control over. In those daydreams I have a brother named ______. He’s my heart, the one I feel connected to and when I’m not having those daydreams I feel depressed and want to cause people harm and sometimes for no reason.
Sometimes I imagine myself being God and other times I start to believe it. If I were God I would cause a great flood and take out the people I hate in the world and replace them with people I don’t. I don’t see why people are laughing. If I were to slit their throats I bet they wouldn’t any more. I’m tired of these stupid people.
I want to make them know that I am better than them. I’m sitting in tech class and I want to take the keyboard and slap the two students in front of me in the head until I get tired. These people underestimate my powers because if they knew what I could do they would be afraid.
These people are nothing to me, but ants. I could just stomp them with my foot and they would be dead, but I’m too nice and theres no point to go to jail for these dirty people. They are not worth my time. I fucking hate people. Their shit is so stupid.
Why is everything this way. I’m talking and thinking, but it’s disorganized. I can’t remember much of most things that I am thinking. I just want to go somewhere that I can just do whatever I want with no consequence because if I were to kill someone I wouldn’t want to get in trouble for it.
I’m not ready to clearly say that this guy is a psychopath as his symptoms are also typical of a couple of other personality disorders.
However, it’s obvious from his writing that he hates people, finds it almost unbearable to be around most people and feels as if he is better than everyone. He talks about hurting and killing people and saying he would probably feel nothing.
He also talks about people as if they were just insignificant insects. As if other peoples existence alone irritates him.
He has daydreams where he imagines himself as God and even starts to feel like God in real life with thoughts of destroying everyone.
Sure, he says he would never do these things, not because they are wrong or he would feel bad, but because he doesn’t want to suffer the consequences. Probably much like many of the mass murderers who committed suicide after their crimes felt.
I’m not going to say that this guy will hurt, none the less murder anyone, but I am saying that he is showing clear signs of psychopathic traits that need to be dealt with before he ever gets to that point.
I’ve been working with him on this for the past few weeks, helping him analyze his feelings and thoughts and challenging them, but I am getting his family involved because I think he may need more intensive treatment than I can provide in the current setting I am working with him in.
He really is a good kid with lots of potential, but if he falls through the cracks he can easily end up spending the rest of his life incarcerated and/or ruin other peoples lives. I’m determined to do my best to not allow that to happen.
Urban Outfitters came under fire after it began selling this shirt that has “depression” written all over it as if depression was something to be advertised. For Urban Outfitters to initially not see anything wrong with this (they have since pulled the shirt after public outcry), shows how much society has not only minimized mental illness, but even romanticized it. Granted, Depression is the name of the clothing company out of Singapore, but Urban Outfitters no doubt knew that they were pushing the envelope when they decided to sale the shirts in their stores.
Licensed Mental Health Counselor 